Update - don't even know what to say anymore....haven't been here in several years....

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by judi, Sep 15, 2014.

  1. judi

    judi Active Member

    Well, difficult child is now 29 and in prison for an alcohol fueled stupid night which resulted in him receiving an 8.5 yr sentence of which he must serve 7 years.

    Its been years since I've been here though I've been a member since 2001 I think....gosh 13 years have come and gone.

    I feel like I have moved so far from my days of complaining about high school. We kept trying to tell him bad things would happen and the consequences would get worse - well I think this is about tops it!

    I've scanned the forums every once in awhile - lots of old faces with some newbies too.

    I wasn't sure whether even to post as I don't want to scare anyone - lol.

    Know I thank you all for your compassion and caring especially in the beginning. Thanks so much.
  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    For the next 7 years you will know where he is. I hope he uses this time to change for the better. We can always hope.

    You can use this time to focus on you. Do the things you enjoy.
  3. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    Hi Judi. Odd.....I came back here after many years gone, too. Guess I'm scared of what's going to happen if he doesn't wake up. I'm so sorry your son is where he is. They don't know, nor care, how their actions impact others....their parents, who love them, and have been years and years trying to prevent jail from happening. Like I said in another thread, we just want them to be decent human beings. Stick around, it helps to be here.
  4. judi

    judi Active Member

    Agree with both of you...just sad for the wasted potential. Thanks.
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    Hey Judi, have wondered how you have been doing. Hate to say it but I sorta figured difficult child was well, difficult child but sorry to hear he is now serving time but maybe this will be somewhat of a wake up call.

    How are the grands? If I remember correctly you had a lot of contact with them. I hope that has continued. I would be lost without Cory's oldest daughter. She is what keeps me going.
  6. judi

    judi Active Member

    Hey there Janet! Yeah, we still see our grandkids a lot. Lots of drama, court, lawyer expenses, etc., now with difficult child's son though because his ex doesn't want us or our son involved any longer...ugh
  7. judi

    judi Active Member

    Thought with the holidays I would update this: son is still in prison- over 4 years now. Ugh

    We are very fortunate though to be able to see our grandson - we have court ordered visitation in order to take him to see his Dad (our son) but his Mom has been very lenient about allowing us to see him.

    Merry Christmas
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  8. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Hi Judi, I am a newbie, I am sorry for your need to be here, it has been a long haul for you, me too, just didn't stumble upon CD until recently.

    Glad you are able to see your grandson.

    I am at home enjoying some solitude and just letting happy/sad feelings roll on through.

    Merry Christmas to you dear.

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  9. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    hi judi. hi new leaf.

    merry christmas. i am sorry for your long haul.

    judi. how is son doing in prison?
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  10. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Hey Copa Merry Christmas!
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  11. Sam3

    Sam3 Active Member

    Merry Christmas to all here, old and new.
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  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Hi Judi! Merry Christmas!! Glad things worked out with your grandchildren's mother so that you can see them. That is important to the kids and to you. I don't know what we would do without my parents! They are a true blessing to my kids' lives. That unconditional love is just so special and something a parent cannot provide. They also give parents a break when the parents are about to strangle the kids over some problem, which is good for everyone!!!

    I am sorry your son had to spend this time in prison, but hopefully he will mature while there. Or at least learn something positive. If I could suggest something? My stepmother in law spent her second career traveling the US and the rest of the world setting up programs in prisons to help the prisoners learn how their choices impacted their lives in and out of prisons. They worked with hard core lifers and made astonishing changes. We used some of the techniques and ideas with Wiz when he was young because they were such basic and foundational ideas that everyone should have but some people have a really hard time grasping.

    Pick up a copy of Choice Therapy by Dr William Glasser and see what you think. She worked directly with Dr. Glasser for a number of years and was trained by him. The therapy emphasizes the fact that what you choose dictates what you get. If you choose to have chocolate ice cream, you cannot be upset that you did not get orange sherbet but the person next to you did. If you chose not to study for the test, you also chose not to get a good grade on the test. If Johnny chose to study, he chose to get a better grade.

    To many people this is very basic stuff, but to many of our difficult children, this is actually rocket science. They truly do not understand it. In their minds, if Mom gives them one thing but gives another child a different thing, Mom is making the choice. The fact that the difficult child refused to do any chores and the other child did their own chores and the other child's chores, well, that doesn't mean anything at all. The fact that chores were assigned so that the children could earn the treat, well, that has nothing to do with anything. I am sure you remember those days. I have MANY horrible memories of those days.

    It is just a suggestion. The book might be something he found helpful, or not. Either way, it is lovely to see you again. Welcome Back!
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  13. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    I am so on this page. This nails down my DAS behaviour to a T and throw in some good old fashion denial for good measure. I believe while he is drugging he will never change. Excellent advice!

    I am a newbie here also. I am sorry your son is in prison and I do hope he embraces some life changing opportunities while he is in prison. I am happy also you can see your GS. This is a blessing for you, your GS and your son.

    Merry Christmas.