DGD seems to be delusional and not getting better

[lovemysons]

The more I think about this the more I think your daughter needs to see a Dr. There has to be association with Meth and whatever is missing in the brain to be happy.
Maybe she needs a strong antidepressant or maybe she has bipolar disorder like me and my son and needs a mood stabilizer along with an antidepressant. Though we tried these things for my son and he said they didn’t make any difference…that he didn’t feel better…that he was only truly happy on Meth. So very sad.

I wish there was actual proof of what is missing in the brain that needs to be fixed. A real test! But so far we don’t have one. Just relayed symptoms in front of a psychiatrist. This world needs something concrete. I think it would be such a game changer!

Meanwhile I agree with Copa. It is time to get legal system involved in protecting grandson.

I’m so sorry you all are going through this. And right before Christmas too. It was little surprise that my son died on Thanksgiving. That seems to be the way drug addicts operate. Special occasions become nightmares.

Please keep us updated.

 

[Crayola13]

I’m very worried the child’s father is going to get custody. We all have read about his track record and what a “stellar” member of society he is.

Finances, retirement, energy level, and potential health problems all affect us as we age. Also, just the generation gap, itself, can cause friction between parents and children when the age difference is beyond a certain number of years.

For example, my father thought any male who didn’t have a military haircut had “long” hair. He would give some of my dates a really hard time about that. In my opinion, they didn’t have long hair at all. Music, fashion, etc. can lead to huge arguments. My dad encountered that type of thing with his parents. Their Beatles records made my grandmother nervous. My grandfather was of the opinion that the long-haired boys from Britain screwed up morality in our country. That generation gap was only 20-30 years. When it goes beyond that, there is a good possibility you and your great grandson aren’t going to like each other at times.

I know you’ve had these same concerns about raising your great grandson. If you feel you are prepared to handle these things, I say go for custody.

 

[Crayola13]

The more I think about this the more I think your daughter needs to see a Dr. There has to be association with Meth and whatever is missing in the brain to be happy.
Maybe she needs a strong antidepressant or maybe she has bipolar disorder like me and my son and needs a mood stabilizer along with an antidepressant. Though we tried these things for my son and he said they didn’t make any difference…that he didn’t feel better…that he was only truly happy on Meth. So very sad.

I wish there was actual proof of what is missing in the brain that needs to be fixed. A real test! But so far we don’t have one. Just relayed symptoms in front of a psychiatrist. This world needs something concrete. I think it would be such a game changer!

Meanwhile I agree with Copa. It is time to get legal system involved in protecting grandson.

I’m so sorry you all are going through this. And right before Christmas too. It was little surprise that my son died on Thanksgiving. That seems to be the way drug addicts operate. Special occasions become nightmares.

Please keep us updated.

She met up with a loser boyfriend who introduced her to meth. If he hadn’t come into her life, I don’t know that drugs would have come into the picture. Thankfully, she finally got away from him. He’s the child’s father, so she will always have a connection to him to some degree, which is sad and concerning.

 

[ksm]

Crayola13...we are thinking long and hard about what our future with GGS could/should be. We do not want to commit to being completely responsible for him at this stage of our life. I think we could do this another 6 months...then something has to change. While we love him more than I could ever imagine was possible, we know he needs more than we can give him. A future...when he is 20, we would be 85 and 96. (If we are still alive by then!)

But today, DGD finally texted, after being gone for 2 days, that she needs help, and is willing to go to rehab. I know there are no guarantees, but this is the first time she has admitted she has a problem, she needs help, and Alex needs her to get better. That it isn't fair to him.

Please keep praying that this is a turn around point for her.

Newksm

 

[lovemysons]

Ksm
I’m so glad she’s willing to get help. I hope she really does go to rehab. Hopefully one that has a psychiatrist on staff so she can be evaluated for possible medication if needed.

You’re right…it isn’t fair to Alex. Sadly our grands have suffered because of the choices of their parents too. You never know how this will affect him in the long run.
Our 3 grandchildren who lost their dad last year and also have a struggling mom, one is extremely resilient and will land on her feet no matter what. Another is very depressed and isolates. I wish I knew the key to helping all of the grands make it through so much pain in their lives more easily.

This is a good first step for your granddaughter.
Prayers for you all

 

[New Leaf]

Hi KSM,
I’m so sorry you are in this very difficult and stressful situation. There is certainly no easy solution.
Meth is a terribly dangerous drug, stating the obvious as you have already witnessed the effect on your DGD. Add a toddler in the picture- it’s just awful.
I feel for you and your hubs, who have already been through so much raising your granddaughters, and presently, your great grandson. It is the hardest thing when babies are involved.
I hope that your DGD is sincere about seeking help for her addiction.
This hits too close to home for me, KSM. I know you love your DGD. I have too much to say and have written and erased many times on my reply, trying to keep in mind that everyone’s struggles are their own and unique, and not wanting to sound harsh…..But….. the elephant in the room…. your GGS, an innocent, needs protection and stability. He has only you folks to stand up for him, which is a tough place to be in with all considered. You and your hubs need protection as well, because you found paraphernalia in your DGDs purse, in your house. I’m not sure what the laws are in your state about that, but would definitely want to take that into consideration as far as the legal issues as a homeowner and as a caregiver for your GGS.
We have a program here run by Salvation Army called Women’s Way that takes in addicted mothers with their children. Perhaps there is something similar in your area? I’m not sure if that would automatically involve CWS, which to many is a scary thought because of all the stories out there. Their involvement with my grands meant family sessions for relatives, (maternal and paternal) to seek out a stable solution for the children until- if and or when the bio parents had a treatment plan. The focus for at least a year was on offering and mandating programs for the parents in hopes of reunifying the children with their bio mother or father. That’s if they get their act together and take the necessary steps.
I faced the same issue with my newest grand, when my daughter was booted from rehab for breaking the rules. He was just three months or so, the social worker wanted me to take in my daughter and grandson. I have legal custody of my teenaged granddaughter and I knew with my age and health issues I could not provide for my grandsons needs, deal with my daughter, and nurture my granddaughter. She had already been through so much with her parents. Having her mom in my home would just continue the cycle for her. I had to say no. It broke my heart, but I had to put those emotions on the side and face reality. Thankfully my youngest stepped in and is raising my grandson.
It is a tough, tough situation. I am so sorry KSM.
Prayers going up that your DGD will get the help she needs and can eventually be stable enough to care for her son. Prayers for you and your hubs to stay strong and healthy despite the stress you must feel.
(((Hugs)))
Leaf

 

[ksm]

New Leaf, and others who responded. I tried to respond yesterday from my phone, but my post was lost. I usually use my tablet. We will see what happens today. She basically went missing for a couple days. But she returned yesterday evening and said she will call our insurance today.

Yesterday I called the local substance abuse assessment center to get information. Unfortunately I can see why it's so difficult to get help in our area. They require $150 fee to do an assessment and get referrals for treatment. So even though the treatment might be covered by insurance the fee isn't. It's not that we can't afford that it's just an unnecessary blockage for many people to get help.

I called our insurance and if she will call them they will refer her to a clinician who will do an assessment over the phone, make recommendations for treatment, and tell her what options are available in our state that is covered by our policy. It might be residential or intensive outpatient. I think she needs residential to have a better chance of having good results.

But it's out of my hands. I hope to post an update soon. I know she won't want to go and miss Christmas with her son, but I think she needs to be away from this community and people she knows here. Since she does not currently have a job...the sooner the better. Praying that she gets the help she needs.

 

[lovemysons]

I am praying she makes that call and gets the help she needs very soon!
Hugs

 

[ksm]

I hate that I don't even know if she really called or not... she took the number...then said she was going to have a cigarette (we don't let her smoke in our home ), and went outside. She had no real info when I asked what they said. Said someone would call her back.

She lies so much. Last week, two teachers from Parents as Teachers were scheduled for a visot. We had talked about it the day before. She had left the house at 5am. Sent a text that she left to buy cigs. They came at 10 and she wasn't here. The teacher called her as they had forms to sign. She showed up and said she was at the DMV and hot her tag. Later that day I noticed tag wasn't on car, I asked if she needed help, and she said she needed to buy a couple screws. She actually bought the tag yesterday.

Sick of it.

Newksm

 

[ksm]

Another day... nothing accomplished... she was gone all night...came home about 2:30pm. She said she would call insurance. She didn't. I took the phone to her and dialed the number...then she started getting anxious and disconnected. Im not sure exactly why, but she thinks it will be on her record and might affect keeping her parental rights. Tried to explain HIPPA privacy Act... and that the other adults already know, even though I have not said anything to them. It's a small town, and xbf step mom mention the drug use to me 6 months ago. I think they are mot too concerned because they know we provide most of GGS's care.

She was pretty sick with nausea, diarrhea and vomiting... I googled it...and meth usage leads to nausea, diarrhea, vomiting, anxiety, depression and seizures. Duh. She is putting toxins in her body.

So tired. Newksm

 

[Copabanana]

she thinks it will be on her record and might affect keeping her parental rights.

few of us in life get to have our cake and eat it too. right now your dgd wants that. she wants to live a druggie life while having no consequences. she does not want the system to know who and what she is and does so that she can keep her child in limbo while she ignores and traumatizes him. when he sobs looking for and crying for her, this is trauma and the basis of an attachment disorder down the road. your dgd is choosing that her innocent baby pays the price, not her.

I know this is the influence of the drugs, to a large extent, but, people do decide to go to treatment and they do recover. look at Robert downey jr. i am so in awe of him. she could do this too. so really, it is not the drugs. she has not yet decided. the ball is in her court. but really, what others are saying on your thread is this: the ball is in your court. all of our hearts are breaking with you.

you know you won't care for him permanently. i know you have a broken heart. but each day that goes by it will be harder for the baby to adjust to new circumstances when this jig is up. i fear for the baby.

 

[healinginside]

Another day... nothing accomplished... she was gone all night...came home about 2:30pm. She said she would call insurance. She didn't. I took the phone to her and dialed the number...then she started getting anxious and disconnected. Im not sure exactly why, but she thinks it will be on her record and might affect keeping her parental rights. Tried to explain HIPPA privacy Act... and that the other adults already know, even though I have not said anything to them. It's a small town, and xbf step mom mention the drug use to me 6 months ago. I think they are mot too concerned because they know we provide most of GGS's care.

She was pretty sick with nausea, diarrhea and vomiting... I googled it...and meth usage leads to nausea, diarrhea, vomiting, anxiety, depression and seizures. Duh. She is putting toxins in her body.

So tired.

New, thank you for keeping us updated on your journey. I know this is the hardest path for you to walk especially considering the responsibility that you have on your shoulders with your great grandson. I just wanted to give you some words of encouragement and a hug and a prayer bc I think we ALL need that right now.

 

[New Leaf]

KSM,
I’m so sorry. If only love could save them. One would think that a mothers love would get them back on track. That love for their children would help them change, get help, do the right thing. Unfortunately, meth prevents that natural bond and affection from being the normal driving force to do what is right for the children. Meth is in the drivers seat, and addicts will do anything to be able to continue using. It’s so damn sad and disturbing.
I thought once upon a time that my daughter would change and get help. Maybe one day she will. But, looking back, in retrospect, the more we tried to help, the more she became entangled in her relationship drama, drug drama, the less she thought of her kids. We were used as a cushion for her drug use, because she knew her kids were loved and cared for by their grandparents. We gave them a home, meals, took them to school. Hubs used to complain that we were doing too much. “They can’t even get up to make sure they eat breakfast.” My grands parents slipped further and further into drug use, while we desperately focused on providing for our grands, trying to give them some sense of stability. What we didn’t realize back then, is that our “helping” allowed their parents to slip further and further into their addiction. They “had their cake and ate it too.”
I apologized to my grands for those crazy years of the revolving door our home became. We could see no other way, fearing for our own addicted daughter, their mother, also worried about the grands and how they were living. I did end up calling CPS a few times, because the erratic behavior of their parents effected our home, I feared for the safety of my grands and my household.
My grands became pawns in the drug game their parents played. It was an awful childhood for them. If, you could call it a childhood. Bouncing back in forth between homes, lacking medical and dental care. The uncertainty of where their next meal would come from, the list goes on. Their parents did not want to lose their rights either, but in the end, I believe it was more-so that they received a good amount of funds on their EBT, having three kids. They would buy food for friends and take half the value in cash, so they could buy drugs. It is an awful game.
All these kids wanted, was to be loved by their parents. All they grew up seeing, was the tragedy addiction brings.
You have a really hard decision to make. I’m sorry KSM, it’s heartbreaking. By your posts, your GDG is obviously deep into meth. She will make promises, and pull out everything in her toolbox, to yank at your heartstrings and keep you and hubs right where you are at. Addicts lie, and they lie big, to be able to keep using. They manipulate and use rage and temper tantrums when they feel their drug use is threatened. They build bonds with fellow drug users, and use the love that family has for them and their children, to get what they want.
They want to keep using.
My daughters’ and her bfs use and addiction got so bad, they ended up leaving my grands with paternal grandparents. They were there for three years, no medical or dental care, because the grandparents did not have guardianship and feared that the “system” would remove the kids. They were thinking that their son would stop using, and eventually take on his responsibility. That was six years ago.
He, and my daughter are still on the street. Their kids are 18, 16 and 14.
I’m not saying that your GDG won’t change. I’m saying that if nothing changes, why would she even try? Things are comfortable for her, her son is right where she wants him. She is right where she wants to be. Living in your home, using you and your hubs. I’m so sorry KSM, but those are just the cold, hard truths that come with this.
Sigh.
My prayers are with you and hubs, and beautiful GGS. This is a tough journey.
(((Hugs)))
Leaf

 

[lovemysons]

I am so sorry KSM…
Your daughter is deep in her addiction and needs an ultimatum. Better now than later.
At some point they run out of chances like my son did.
Your daughter is already choosing drugs before her own child.

You have stated that you can handle maybe 6 more months of caring for Alex till your exhausted.
Have you considered calling CPS now to see what your options are?
Your daughter may act like she hates you for awhile but Alex needs a long term loving stable home that your daughter can’t provide.

I know you are stuck between a rock and a hard place but Meth doesn’t wait. It has already taken a hold of your daughter and rules her life and choices.

My sons last choice was Meth. I know it was. He chose it above all else. Three beautiful children, a mom that never gave up on him, a dad that supported my choices to try and help him, good looks, good intelligence, a beautiful heart.
He gave everything up for his relationship with Meth. And Meth had the last word in his life.
Now I struggle daily to cope with the loss of his earthly life.

I am picking his kids up shortly to bring them to our house for the weekend to celebrate Christmas early and one grands upcoming birthday. Their dad should be here…but he isn’t.

I know what you are facing but the longer you wait to put your foot down the longer it will be before your daughter might make a new choice. These things are so hard to make decisions with…I understand.
But Meth isn’t waiting…it’s only getting worse everyday that goes by without your daughter paying a price and possibly a new choice. Alex is already paying a price.

I so wish that when I last drove to California and picked my son up that I had had a Rehab in place for him to immediately go to when he got home. KSM he didn’t last a month at our house. And he knew when he went back to California that it would probably be the last time I saw him…I knew too.
We did everything we thought was right at the time. But my son was too far gone in his addiction. It was too late anymore to help him.

It is the saddest thing to have to tell your grandchildren that their parent passed away. Such a huge waste.
All for a drug named Meth.

I will pray for you all.
I hope your daughter has to wake up soon before it’s too late.

Love to you and yours

 

[ksm]

She made the call! I know it's only the first step... but it's a start. Insurance company is to call back tomorrow. They gave her a list of preferred providers that she needs to research or contact.

 

[lovemysons]

That’s awesome KSM!
I pray this is the beginning of sobriety for your granddaughter.

 

[New Leaf]

Great news KSM- hoping with all my heart she follows through and keeps on the good path.

(((Hugs)))
Leaf

 

[healinginside]

One huge step forward! I will pray that she keeps moving forward and you find peace and light in your journey.

 

[ksm]

More phone calls today...she has selected a facility...but now there is more paperwork between the favi,family, and the ins case manager. I am hoping by next week, may e we will have an admission date.

I still don't want to get my expectations up...

 

[Copabanana]

hi ksm
what is going on? i want you to know I think about you.....