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Update - eventful year, difficult child still doing poorly
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<blockquote data-quote="katya02" data-source="post: 564417" data-attributes="member: 2884"><p>Thank you, Susie ... very much appreciated! I hope things continue to go well with ex-husband ... unfortunately there are problems looming on the horizon but that should probably go in another forum. </p><p></p><p>I sympathize about difficult children and ownership of problems, and especially about skewed memories/perceptions. That's a huge issue with my difficult child, always has been. This week he spent more time with us than he has for quite awhile, but it ended badly ... and when easy child 3 took him out to a movie last night he ranted at her the entire time. How ex-husband and I have abandoned him, how he does all the work at the main house (!!! - he feeds four cats once daily when ex-husband is visiting me to help after chemo - doesn't clean litter boxes or do anything else - !!!); how his brothers treat him like dirt; how I offended him and he's not going to speak to me until I apologize. Oh really. Guess we have different perceptions of THAT interaction, big surprise. </p><p></p><p>I just can't take the drama and upset anymore. I refuse to visit him only to be manipulated and cast as the villain, and not only have him be rude and deliberately hurtful to me, but rant about me to his younger sister. Ex-husband's only comment was that I should leave it to him to talk to difficult child; all right, fine. But ex-husband has always refused to believe anything I tell him about my conversations with difficult child, saying he wasn't there and has no way of knowing who's telling the truth. REALLY? When he knows that difficult child lies like he breathes? But no, I guess there's an equal chance that I'm lying through my teeth. This didn't come up explicitly at Thanksgiving but is the subtext when ex-husband says things like 'just let me talk to him in future' and declines any further involvement. </p><p></p><p>So, ex-husband can have ALL further involvement as far as I'm concerned. I know the abandonment issues are Borderline (BPD) stuff and my diagnosis would be a big trigger (at least I think so, never know), and difficult child can be expected to lash out. But I'm so done with being verbally lashed by difficult child. So ex-husband can handle it with my blessing and I know nothing I ever say or do will make a difference to difficult child anyway. That ship has sailed, I think. No matter what, I'll always be his villain. It's a nice, safe role for me to have in his universe. It's not something I can change. I can still love him, he's my son, but the interaction is very difficult.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="katya02, post: 564417, member: 2884"] Thank you, Susie ... very much appreciated! I hope things continue to go well with ex-husband ... unfortunately there are problems looming on the horizon but that should probably go in another forum. I sympathize about difficult children and ownership of problems, and especially about skewed memories/perceptions. That's a huge issue with my difficult child, always has been. This week he spent more time with us than he has for quite awhile, but it ended badly ... and when easy child 3 took him out to a movie last night he ranted at her the entire time. How ex-husband and I have abandoned him, how he does all the work at the main house (!!! - he feeds four cats once daily when ex-husband is visiting me to help after chemo - doesn't clean litter boxes or do anything else - !!!); how his brothers treat him like dirt; how I offended him and he's not going to speak to me until I apologize. Oh really. Guess we have different perceptions of THAT interaction, big surprise. I just can't take the drama and upset anymore. I refuse to visit him only to be manipulated and cast as the villain, and not only have him be rude and deliberately hurtful to me, but rant about me to his younger sister. Ex-husband's only comment was that I should leave it to him to talk to difficult child; all right, fine. But ex-husband has always refused to believe anything I tell him about my conversations with difficult child, saying he wasn't there and has no way of knowing who's telling the truth. REALLY? When he knows that difficult child lies like he breathes? But no, I guess there's an equal chance that I'm lying through my teeth. This didn't come up explicitly at Thanksgiving but is the subtext when ex-husband says things like 'just let me talk to him in future' and declines any further involvement. So, ex-husband can have ALL further involvement as far as I'm concerned. I know the abandonment issues are Borderline (BPD) stuff and my diagnosis would be a big trigger (at least I think so, never know), and difficult child can be expected to lash out. But I'm so done with being verbally lashed by difficult child. So ex-husband can handle it with my blessing and I know nothing I ever say or do will make a difference to difficult child anyway. That ship has sailed, I think. No matter what, I'll always be his villain. It's a nice, safe role for me to have in his universe. It's not something I can change. I can still love him, he's my son, but the interaction is very difficult. [/QUOTE]
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Update - eventful year, difficult child still doing poorly
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