Hey all you! OMG. Started off as a blessing but has been taxing since. Not awful though. But Yesterday the stuff started hitting the fan. My daughter called and asked if she could come by for a little while that she was out walking her dog. She then told me that she was out walking it because the other 3 friends have told her it has to go! They got kicked out of a hotel because of it. They are all mad at her and she came to me to ask for help. But she did ask nicely if we could keep the dog for a little while. I would have been happy to, truth is I love animals and it was adorable. SO said no go! So that was that. She told us she had a place that she could take it to (like a shelter) so we told her to do that. At 1:00am this morning I got a phone call. She was asking me to come get her and she was on the side of the road where her friends left her. She is crying and telling me a boat load of stuff. They did not take her dog to a shelter they dropped it over someone's fence. I called her friends and they had opposing stories. My difficult child had called the police on them with a made of story because they left her. I told them all to work it out and for them to go get her. You do not leave a friend on the road in the middle of nowhere at 1am 45 degrees outside, no excuses. After 2.5 hours of talking to them I finally figured out where she was. They did try to find her but she hid from them.. omg! I had already called the police to find her. The police and I got to her at about the same time. I brought her home and put her to bed. OK -SO and I think we have these kids figured out about as much as you can. My difficult child is the worst of the 3 by far, she is truly corrupt. She did talk them all into coming here. They feel used by her to get a ride out to CA (they are mostly right about that). They all seem like "o.k." kids; they do not appear to be junkies, just down and out luck types. No parents around who care very much. Easily influences types. But, they all really do want to start a life out here and are pounding the pavement trying to get jobs. They are excited about this opportunity and trying hard. They have anger issues with each other over lies and manipulations all around. They asked me and SO to mediate for a little while today after last night (this am). I got to hear all of the horrible things that my difficult child has done. All of the horrible drugs, the staff from using others needles and refusing then to go to the hospital when she almost died from it. How she lies and manipulates and uses everyone. They were letting her have it. I finally stopped them all and said: I am not sure what you all are trying to achieve, but, I know most of the terrible things that my difficult child has done. I love her anyway. I have already forgiven her and I am proud she is my daughter. I am not proud of her actions and I did not raise her to do the things she is doing. But I do owe her an apology, (I turned to her) and told her that while she was growing up I tried so very hard to teach her how to fix things the "right" way the "honorable" way and when she did not want to do it that way, well, I made her anyway. I did not give her the opportunities to learn so many lessons on her own; instead I made her fix things my way. I did it out of love and thinking I was right but now I see that it is part of the reason she does not understand the consequences of her actions as an adult. I told them all how much a mother loves her children and how we think that by trying to "help" them reach their potential we feel like a good parent. I said that never one time did I feel like I was trying to control my daughter, I always felt like I was only trying to be a mother. Hind sight is 20/20 and now I see a lot of things. But I asked my daughter to please forgive me for the many things that were my part in how she is where she is now. I told her that this does not make her actions right and because I forgive her does not mean that I condone what she is doing. I do not. But I told her that I love her and if she continues to make the choices she is making without thought for consequences that I will also hold her hand and be proud while I walk to her jail cell with her. There was a lot more and the other 3 kids were crying and all saying they were calling their parents. I explained to them why we do what we do. I just don't understand her, my daughter has told these kids and everyone else that I put her in drug rehab not once but twice. When I called her on it as a lie. She went off! That is what prompted this speech I gave. I told her friends and her that yes she had been using drugs but just some pot and she had tried cocaine once at this point but that I put her in a Therapeutic school to get therapy and finish the 11th grade. Therapy to help her and us to have a better relationship. That school recommended her going to a wilderness program. I sent to that also and it was wonderful, it too was to help her with understanding why she makes the choices she does. She sees it as I sent her for drug rehab, but I explained that she would have had to be an addict for that to have been my reason and although other kids in the programs were addicts she was not. Her friends asked her why she tells everyone the things she does. She also tells them that I have thrown her out for heroin use - I had no idea! I have never thrown her out. They confronted her with her manipulation and lie and asked her if she thought it made her look any better to others by telling these types of things. She just got angry and started twisting words to say she never said that exactly....duh duh duh... I handled it all and we invited the kids over to eat hamburgers tomorrow. I told them all that I loved them even though I don't know them (I did not say I trusted them!). They have money that each of their families has sent to help them. So they will make it through a few more days anyway. My difficult child has already told me that if they leave and go back then she is staying and she will find somewhere but she will not stay here. She says she will go to the YMCA if she needs to but that she has made it these many months without my help and she will continue to. (she is stubborn) What to do what to do...hmmm.. I don't want her here so that is good. But I don't want her pride to keep her from feeling that she has a home. She is so determined to do it all on her own. That is one of the things that worries me the most about her. She is so antisocial!!! She would have slept on the side of that road rather than call me for help if things had not been going so well the last few days. I always want her to call me if she is in trouble but then dont. I guess what I really want is for her to be able to know when she really has gotten herself in a bad enough situation that she needs me and to be 100% certain I will definitely be there for her, she is not alone. And I don't know how to convey this to her. It is such a fine line of wanting her to feel welcome (wanted, loved, secure) but not so much that she can freeload and take advantage of me. I look forward to your thoughts on what is happening. She admitted to all of us today that she agrees she is an addict. But she thinks that because she does not do drugs all the time, that she does not need help with it. I said to her. "Well, no one can help if you don't think you need it, but if you decide you do, I will help if you will let me". Rhonda - still glad she came..