Update... I took advice from many and it worked

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by joysheph, Mar 20, 2019.

  1. joysheph

    joysheph Member

    Thank everyone who took the time to share on my post searching for opinions. I was livid, worry, and at the same time desperately wanting to rescue.
    I called the facility and asked questions which non really could be answered due to he is of age. But I made them aware that I am not an option to drive hours away or give shelter.
    Son left a voicemail stating how is able to get transported back to the city and he got accepted back into the sober living house in our town.
    It is his journey now. I will most likely be on here more so just to stay strong and not jeopardize my boundaries.
    I will support him in his 12 steps and NA meetings but I'm not sure how. Do families attend the meetings or?
  2. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Some groups have "open or closed" meetings. Some might have an open meeting once a week.

    If I were to attend, I would make sure your son is ok with it and only go about once or twice a month... I think my child wouldn't open up much if I were there.

    Try to find an Al-Anon or Nar-Anon for you to attend just for you. Ksm
  3. LauraH

    LauraH Active Member

    I've been fortunate in the respect that my son has always given his care team permission to speak with me. That makes a huge difference, particularly when he's planning on staying with us and I have to explain to them why he can't.

    The other day my son invited me to go to a meeting with him. I wondered if that was appropriate, because I had always assumed the meetings were just for the individuals struggling with addiction or alcoholism. It didn't happen and I think he ended up not even going to that meeting, so I still don't know for certain how that works.
  4. LauraH

    LauraH Active Member

    I second this. I've only been to two Nar-Anon meetings but just having a community of people who share similar stories, and realizing that you are far from alone in what you are going through does a world of good.
  5. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    For me, I would be very cautious about attending a meeting with your son. As you said "this is his journey"
    My concern is that if you were to attend, how will he interpret that? Will he come to rely on you attending meetings with him? Assuming he will share in the meetings and will be honest, are you prepared to hear what he has to say? I would also wonder how others in the meeting would feel about someone's "mom" being there.
  6. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    I would let him get waaaay into it before I'd agree to attend. Just my two cents.

    They say and do what we want them to say and/or do and that is not a good enough reason to do it and it won't stick.
  7. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I agree with the others. Let him go to meetings and stay far, far away. If you choose, there is a group like Al Anon for families. I believe that a group such as this will help you in the same way as will this site, except with direct contact. I will be going too.

    You handled this situation very, very well, and he validated your changing by the way he responded, by doing his part.

    I am finding that the more I can stay away from my son, the better it is for me. My only sphere of control is my home, what is mine, and me. I can appropriately set boundaries and seek and gain control over these, but when I become involved with things my son should want, should do, or should have, I have wandered away from what I am able to control. I am the one who has become inappropriate.

    My son gets to decide for himself over himself and his life, but not over my home, and property.

    I don't know why this was so difficult for me to understand and to accept.

    We are two different people. Duh.
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