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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 706773" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Tish. I am only now seeing this thread because I did a search for you, after seeing you post on another thread.</p><p></p><p>I am so very sorry about your godson, your nephew. And for his parents.</p><p>With this quote you give me the possibility of a big hand up. I have been sinking and sinking back into depression.</p><p></p><p>Every time I sink back my hopelessness grows. It feels like I fall to a deeper and deeper level, each time I sink back again, and I am uncertain why.</p><p></p><p>I define success by meeting head on and working through tasks: like organizing my house and organizing my life. My whole life seems just a chore and I do not want to get up from bed. What is the point? If life is just a chore. I feel alienated from all of my strengths. (Because I was never a good organizer, I am defining for myself my value, based only in as organizing. I see this solipsism. I feel incapable of escaping from the wheel.)</p><p></p><p>And then I saw this thread, and your quote. I feel I am in that abject sorrow state. That I have gone below where I cannot get out.</p><p></p><p>Honestly, I do not know how I got here. Except that I feel it must be willful.</p><p></p><p>Searching for joy each day, feeling like sometimes looking for misplaced keys.</p><p></p><p>How I get that. How this makes sense. This is a decision that can be made. It does not necessitate that I find them. But that I search. Even if the whole day is a frenzied search for joy, not found. The intent is to find it: To find those keys.</p><p></p><p>It gives the possibility of purpose. Of hope. Because somewhere there are keys. I can decide define myself as looking, searching. Not as somebody who at one point in time, has not found them, and as such: failed.</p><p></p><p>Thank you, Tess. This makes sense to me.</p><p></p><p>So glad you are back.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 706773, member: 18958"] Tish. I am only now seeing this thread because I did a search for you, after seeing you post on another thread. I am so very sorry about your godson, your nephew. And for his parents. With this quote you give me the possibility of a big hand up. I have been sinking and sinking back into depression. Every time I sink back my hopelessness grows. It feels like I fall to a deeper and deeper level, each time I sink back again, and I am uncertain why. I define success by meeting head on and working through tasks: like organizing my house and organizing my life. My whole life seems just a chore and I do not want to get up from bed. What is the point? If life is just a chore. I feel alienated from all of my strengths. (Because I was never a good organizer, I am defining for myself my value, based only in as organizing. I see this solipsism. I feel incapable of escaping from the wheel.) And then I saw this thread, and your quote. I feel I am in that abject sorrow state. That I have gone below where I cannot get out. Honestly, I do not know how I got here. Except that I feel it must be willful. Searching for joy each day, feeling like sometimes looking for misplaced keys. How I get that. How this makes sense. This is a decision that can be made. It does not necessitate that I find them. But that I search. Even if the whole day is a frenzied search for joy, not found. The intent is to find it: To find those keys. It gives the possibility of purpose. Of hope. Because somewhere there are keys. I can decide define myself as looking, searching. Not as somebody who at one point in time, has not found them, and as such: failed. Thank you, Tess. This makes sense to me. So glad you are back. [/QUOTE]
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