Update: Lying About Homework

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DaisyFace, Feb 4, 2009.

  1. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Hello All--

    OK, Here's a quick update...

    When difficult child came home from school yesterday I simply asked (no nagging, yelling or anything) whether she had turned in the missing assignment that the teacher had called about. difficult child reported that she had not--but that homework assignments were no big deal gradewise....and that she had the rest of the year to make up missing assignments if she wanted....and besides, if she got a bad grade in English she could just drop the class so the grades didn't count and that way she would still pass 8th Grade. (And of course, she was very agitated and In-My-Face during this exchange).

    I responded by smiling and telling her that I was SO relieved to hear that the missing assignments were not the big deal that I thought they were. OK, no problem then! And I turned my back...end of conversation.

    difficult child then became really angry and stomped off to find her brother (which is usually the sign that serious trouble is brewing)--so I had to immediately intervene before she did anything nasty to him.

    I stopped her and pointed out that I had not yelled at her, she was not in trouble--she interrupted that I thought she was lying--I said "I didn't call you a liar...if you are telling me that the assignments are no big deal then I believe you."

    Her face got very red and she was visibly upset...but she didn't say anything further and she went into her bedroom and closed the door.

    This morning--I called the school and let the English teacher know what had happened. The teacher and the guidance counselor have decided to handle the homework and incomplete classwork issues at school by talking with difficult child about the serious impact her poor grades could have on her future. They have agreed not to mention that Mom or Dad spoke with the teachers--lest difficult child think that there is some sort of "conspiracy" against her.

    So now the situation is out of my hands....

    I hope that I am handling this the right way...?


  2. dirobb

    dirobb I am a CD addict

    I feel for you. homework is always a battle for us and difficult child is 15. He school has relatively no homework, so it really makes no sense. We also fall into the he may do an assignment and just fail to turn it in (its too much trouble).

    he is now failing geography. we keep asking about tests. he says they are not doing anything in clas. we ask again each time raising our concerns that 2-3 week without a test in any class is unusual.

    Lo and behold a letter from the teacher arrives. He has failed two test since christmas break and has not turned in any extra credit for the test. so we ask him about it. he tells us it is not worth it for him to do the extra credit cause it is only five points and it wont help.....WHAT...and he refuses to bring his books home and study for a test this thursday. (he says they study in class...obviously it is not enough for him)
    We have be advised to prompt him but that he needs to have natural consequences take effect. This did not work last year. as he refused any help and was promoted any way reinforcing his concepts that... it did not matter he would still get to pass.

    Hopefully, the school talking to her will get through a bit. If nothing else it takes you out of the line of fire this time.
  3. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    absolutely, you are doing the right thing! Wow, you must have really thrown her off balance with your neutral response! Kind of sounds like fun! Anyway, I think you handled it just right and now she can deal with the school people directly and you are out of the middle.
  4. aeroeng

    aeroeng Mom of Three

    You did good. There were several times when my difficult child erupted when I was not yelling or accusing him of anything. Just asked a simple and calm question. It is when he feels guilty and can not handle his own frustration levels he explodes. In this case, where the explosion is draining I believe it is a good sign that at least she feels bad about her homework.