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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 144434" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>Sadly for me, my daughter has actually admitted she doesn't call to punish me. Same when she won't answer her phone -- she doesn't want to hear what I have to say. It has always been this way ... if she knows I am going to be angry, upset or even just mildly disappointed, she will run. Her logic seems to be that if I get Mom worried enough, I won't get in trouble. Has never worked, but she's gotta try, I guess.</p><p> </p><p>Before she moved out, we talked about her lack of calling when she had left in the past. She admitted she didn't call because she was mad that I wasn't more accepting of her choices. Um, you joined a carny!!! Just how accepting should I be. You lived in a two-bedroom apartment with 6 adults and 4 kids and who knows how many cockroaches. I should accept this why? So, she doesn't call in the hopes I'll worry enough to be happy to hear from her. I told her that one day that was totally going to backfire and I was going to put myself first and protect me from the hurt or she was going to do it to someone she cared about and they were going to walk out of her life. "Yeah, I know, Mom." Glad the talk made a difference.</p><p> </p><p>I do understand that most kids when they finally spread their wings do put parents on the back burner for awhile. That's normal and that's the way it should be. However, for Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids it's different. It isn't just for awhile. It can and frequently is forever. It hurts. </p><p> </p><p>I envy those who at least hear from the kids. You may not like hearing your daughter is a stripper or pregnant or your son is probably going to be (or is) arrested or AWOL, but at least they call. You know they're alive. The only way I know is if I call her friends, go to her place of work, find a way to track her down. Otherwise, I really won't know unless I get lucky in that she'll really need or want something. </p><p> </p><p>Right now my saving grace is that I have her beloved cat and I'm hoping she will miss the cat enough to want to come get it. She did ask if I could bring it to her when I delivered the furniture. I simply told her that Brat Cat needed two people to keep her calm in a car, so I couldn't do it.</p><p> </p><p>Oh, well, the waiting will go on. I'll survive.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 144434, member: 3626"] Sadly for me, my daughter has actually admitted she doesn't call to punish me. Same when she won't answer her phone -- she doesn't want to hear what I have to say. It has always been this way ... if she knows I am going to be angry, upset or even just mildly disappointed, she will run. Her logic seems to be that if I get Mom worried enough, I won't get in trouble. Has never worked, but she's gotta try, I guess. Before she moved out, we talked about her lack of calling when she had left in the past. She admitted she didn't call because she was mad that I wasn't more accepting of her choices. Um, you joined a carny!!! Just how accepting should I be. You lived in a two-bedroom apartment with 6 adults and 4 kids and who knows how many cockroaches. I should accept this why? So, she doesn't call in the hopes I'll worry enough to be happy to hear from her. I told her that one day that was totally going to backfire and I was going to put myself first and protect me from the hurt or she was going to do it to someone she cared about and they were going to walk out of her life. "Yeah, I know, Mom." Glad the talk made a difference. I do understand that most kids when they finally spread their wings do put parents on the back burner for awhile. That's normal and that's the way it should be. However, for Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids it's different. It isn't just for awhile. It can and frequently is forever. It hurts. I envy those who at least hear from the kids. You may not like hearing your daughter is a stripper or pregnant or your son is probably going to be (or is) arrested or AWOL, but at least they call. You know they're alive. The only way I know is if I call her friends, go to her place of work, find a way to track her down. Otherwise, I really won't know unless I get lucky in that she'll really need or want something. Right now my saving grace is that I have her beloved cat and I'm hoping she will miss the cat enough to want to come get it. She did ask if I could bring it to her when I delivered the furniture. I simply told her that Brat Cat needed two people to keep her calm in a car, so I couldn't do it. Oh, well, the waiting will go on. I'll survive. [/QUOTE]
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