update on difficult child sneaking out of our house at night

[pinevalley]

Thank you to everyone for all of your suggestions about my difficult child who has started sneaking out of our house late at night to visit his girlfriend. I have taken all your advice, and I now have a plan on dealing with my son. I bought two alarms today at Home Depot, and we will put them on our doors in the next few days. My husband wanted the alarms that have the beeping, because he does not want to hear the shriek from the other kind of alarms. I also went to the house and talked to the girlfriend's mom tonight. I told her that my difficult child left our home very early on Sunday morning to visit her daughter. She didn't believe it at first, but then she told me that she has had trouble with an older daughter who had to go to court because she was caught by the police after the curfew. I asked the mom for help, and she promised to watch her daughter closer from now on. I also told her that if I find that my son has left our house in the middle of the night I will call their house to check on her daughter. Our difficult child does not believe that he needs to follow any rules, and he is in for a surprise when we have the alarms on our doors. He is also begging us to take driving lessons in a few months, and we told him that we will not give him permission to get his permit when he is breaking the law and our house rules about curfew. Our difficult child is not mature enough to drive, and we don't want him to get his license for a very long time.
It is so helpful to know that other people have had to deal with teens being defiant. Thanks again.

 

[tiredmommy]

You might want consider alarming the windows as well.

 

[TerryJ2]

I agree with-the window idea. I also like the beeping rather than shriek. We have beeps on our doors, leftover from the previous homeowner.
Good luck!

 

[susiestar]

I am so glad you found alarms that will work for you. I agree that window alarms would be a good idea (even if they are 2nd story windows in his room - I had friends who would climb out of 2nd story windows).

It is good that you spoke with the other mom. I hope you have spoken with your husband on whether you will call the police if your son goes out, and htat you are on the same page with whatever your decision is. PLEASE work hard to not let your difficult child pull the divide and conquer maneuver. You and husband NEED to be a united front.

I think holding off on driving is a very wise decision, no matter what your son wants. I knwo many parents here have held off on driving, some even until past age 18. It all depends on teh child if they are mature enough to handle driving.

Stick around, we will miss you if you don't.

Sending hugs!

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Way To Go warrior mom!

I went through the same with my older daughter when she was 16. GAWD I do not envy you. She'd slip out in the middle of the night and walk miles to the boyfriend's house, but boyfriend's mom was aware and encouraged it (!) because her "home life was just so rough".

Spare me.

So glad that girlfriend's mom is on the same sheet of music with you.

I'm in the burbs too. Feel free to PM me if you would like to chat.

 

[witzend]

Good for you for standing up to him!

I agree with the others that the more alarms, the better. Set one on the outside of his bedroom door, so he can't go out that way without being noticed, and one on his bedroom window as well. I suppose I would put it on the outside of the window so that he couldn't sabotage it. Others might have better advice as to what type to put on the outside of the window. I'm sure your neighbors won't love the idea of an alarm outside his window! Anyway, like I say, someone else probably has more experience with that than I do.

Good luck! And good for you for talking to the mom!

 

[Marguerite]

I'd have used silent alarms so it would take him a lot longer to realise they are there but still definitely get the message that whatever he does, you KNOW. Because when he knows the doors and windows are alarmed his mind won't be thinking, "Oh dear, I have been very naughty, for my parents to have put alarms on the doors and windows." No, he will be thinking, "This is an interesting puzzle; how can I beat my parents at this new game?"

If his focus can be kept on the idea that leaving the house is a bad thing to do, then maybe he will get the message sooner. Let him think you are constantly awake and watching him, rather than knowing that the alarms are tipping you off.

It's good that the girl's mother is also on side about this.

Marg