Update on difficult child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by gwenny, Mar 13, 2009.

  1. gwenny

    gwenny New Member

    Ok so we went to court on Wed morning due to difficult child's arrest for assaulting husband tuesday. The judge dismissed all the charges with out asking for our opinion so difficult child got away with attacking is father!! So the judge told us we had until 5 pm to pick him up, so we left went home and called the team from the mental health facility for some guidance as what to do with him. They advised us to take him straight to the hospital and have him re-commited again!!(what a joke this is). So the care advocate and I went to pick difficult child up at the jail and went straight to the hospital and again waited for the crisis team to evaluate him. husband arrived shortly after us and than waited 2 hours for the evaluation. They recommended that he be put back in the hospital due to the safety of everyone at home. So of course there were no beds that night so we had to go home and wait on availability (again). But while waiting for them to do this difficult child showed some of his true colors. He asked the care advocate to make me and husband leave so he could talk to his mom in private. the care advocate told him no he would not but he could ask us nicely but we didnt have to leave him alone to talk. difficult child than made a motion with his arm telling husband to leave and of course husband was aggrivated by this and told the nurse to end the phone call and he would not be able to make anymore calls. The nurse did not no what to do, so husband got up and unplugged the phone. (the good thing was that the care advocate from our team saw the aggresion and defiance for us.)

    So now Thursday I got a call in the afternoon advising that there was a hospital about 3 hours from us that could take him for up to 7 days, and a wait list for the hospital that just released him last saturday or a group home. So I called husband and we decided that maybe a group home would be the way to go as difficult child moonlights at the hospitals as difficult child gets all the attention he wants and has no school work or chores to do there. So now they placed him in the group home last night. We went before difficult child to sign papers and see the place. Oh my this place is horrible, just old and sheets in the windows instead of curtains. Well we feel that maybe difficult child has more of a chance of showing who he is because there is structure but they have to earn all privledges to do things.

    They will evaluate him for the next week and we will see what happens. We were informed that we are not allowed contact with difficult child for 2 weeks as he has to get situated there. So now we have our counselors going in to see him as well so we can get feedback from them and not just take the word of the group home. difficult child has psychiatric evaluation on monday morning and we have another meeting to see exactly what we are looking at with placing difficult child either long term here at this group home or Residential Treatment Center (RTC).

    We are just really lost as usual, but feel our hands are tied as there is not enough options.

    We have put in calls to all the news channels, with the hopes to get some coverage on our story. We have contacted some attorneys for disability law. We are just waiting for some calls back.

    I took easy child to the airport yesterday and he will be staying with my parents until the 23rd. He is on spring break now and he could use the break.

    We are just exhausted as we don't know if this is the group home is the right choice, but husband now knows he cant be at home.:faint:
  2. Janna

    Janna New Member


    I don't have any words of advice. I'm so sorry you guys have to go through this. I'm not surprised they just let him go. Just unbelievable how the Juvenille justice system is. It definately needs re-vamped.

    I'm glad you are safe. That is what is most important. Good luck with the group home.
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, dear. I can't believe the judge just dismised all the charges. No discussion? Sheesh.
    I am so sorry that things spiraled out of control again. I like the group home idea, but it sounds icky, in regard to physical surroundings. Let's hope that the care makes up for it.
    Good idea to have your own counselors visit. Maybe that will lend some accountability.
    Good luck!
  4. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    What an ugly day! Gwenny, I'm so sorry to hear that difficult child is in such a state.

    I'm glad that you found a bed for difficult child ~ it may not be the best looking group home, but I bet you'll hear a good reason for the sheets on the windows instead of curtains. I know the group home that wm lives in doesn't have curtains in the kids bedrooms because of destruction. No blinds due to self harming & such.

    It's disconcerting to have to place a child in this type of setting. I remember being so overwhelmed I broke down in tears at our 1st mtg at the group home. I had to leave the mtg (made an exceptional impression I'm sure).

    Take this time to recharge ~ find time alone with husband & reconnect. My husband & I always took that time to rediscover our selves & our life as a couple when kt or wm entered Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or group home.

    Gentle (((hugs))) for you this very early morning.
  5. ML

    ML Guest

    I'm sorry you're going through this.
  6. C.J.

    C.J. New Member


    I don't know what to say about prosecuting attorneys, judges, and the juvenile justice system. In my county, my difficult child was prosecuted for stealing $18 from another difficult child at school. An attorney was appointed to represent her (she refused to admit she took the money). There was a trial. She was found guilty, and served a 6 month probaation, and had to pay the $18.00 to the other kid.

    At the same time, N*'s sperm donor owed over $24,000.00 in child support. As a direct result of her prosecution, I hounded that same district attorney's office to put as much effort in prosecuting that "crime" as they did for N*'s crime. I finally prevailed.

    Anyway, I used those two examples to illustrate just how confusing, contradictory, and exasperating dealing with the various bureaucracies (whether it is the justice system, mental health, social services, insurance, medicaid, etc.) can be. They can be worse than dealing with a difficult child sometimes.

    Like TL said, don't be too concerned about sheets at the windows - difficult child's destroy things in RTCs too. At the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) N* was at, there were no ladders or guard rails for the top bunk bed. When I asked, I was told the guard rails and ladders were often broken for spite or used as weapons. I even contacted the accreditation board for Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s for confirmation - they were right.

    I was more concerned that the staff was communicating with me, that they were listening to my concerns, and were working in N*'s best interest. There were times I stepped on toes, and went to supervisors or directors, and did that only when communication back to me was not forthcoming.

    I hope easy child has a great time with your parents, and I hope you and husband have some time to talk and get on the same page for difficult child. Doing that will work wonders for both of you.

    Special hugs for all of you today.
  7. gwenny

    gwenny New Member

    Thank you all for your well wishes. I couldnt believe the judge dismissed the charges either. It's no where event close to a perfect system. We just cannot believe that there is nothing in place for all of us facing these situations.

    We have and will continue with trying to contact the media, washington and anyone else who will listen.

    I think the biggest problems we face is having people understand what we are going through. I feel that the police are not trained properly and than there is good old cps who never have any answers but tell us that we are doing everything right!! and than there is the mental health field who tell you there's nothing you can do more because the INSURANCE COMPANIES (these are the worst) don't want to pay.

    This is such a horrible situation for all of us and for those who have not found this wonderful website yet.

    Thank you everyone!!
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    No advice but wanted to send my support. I'm sorry you are dealing with all of this. Gentle hugs.
  9. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    I am so sorry you all are going through this. There are just so many cracks in the system. And no one ever knows what to do!!! It is very frustrating, I know.

    Just wanted to lend my support. Hang in there. :)