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Update on difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 604982" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p>Hi DDD! I've missed you as well. I haven't been around here much it's true, but I do browse and try to keep up with everyone.</p><p></p><p>mother in law now lives up here in CT (since April). It was difficult laying down and sticking to boundaries with her as she is so completely oblivious and seems to think she's royalty and can do as she pleases no matter how it inconveniences anyone else. But she is making strides with her newfound independence. Actually, H and I are pleasantly surprised and happy that she takes a Tai Chi class twice a week, seems to have gotten head over heels involved with a group of folks at her place caring for the garden out back, and she even went for a drive with one of her male neighbors. </p><p></p><p>For a while there she was showing up at our house on Sundays at 2 or so when H specifically asked her for dinner and to arrive at 4. One day we were going out and he called her and told her to come at 5 and she responded that she would be there at 4 and to leave the door open. Um, no. </p><p></p><p>And during the recent heat wave she was showing up during the day around 2 or so for a swim which, in and of itself, is not an issue, but she was then hanging around well into dinner time. If I didn't work full time and if groceries were not so danged expensive I wouldn't mind so much having her for dinner once or twice a week, but when I get home from work the last thing I feel like doing is playing hostess....fortunately, H understands this and feels the same way. He can only take her for small bits of time as well. </p><p></p><p>Our anniversary was on the 3rd and we went away for an overnighter down by the beach. H called her early Sunday morning to tell her that we wouldn't be home until late so we were cancelling dinner. She told him she may go over for a swim. At around 4pm, I received a text from easy child who was home doing work for her summer finals that mother in law showed up at 2, never swam and was just hanging out in our house. She was still there when we arrived home after 6PM. Before that she kept hinting at easy child that she was hungry and what was for dinner...oy. easy child was peeved; when we arrived home and as I was unpacking and throwing in laundry I asked H to make his mom a salad. mother in law immediately jumped up and made one for herself. I showered. Then, a little later, easy child presented us with the anniversary cake she makes us every year and a card. mother in law pulled out a card also and handed it to H. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that it was one of MY cards, from MY box of cards that are on MY shelf in MY bedroom!!! OMG. H suggested that maybe mother in law simply bought the same card, but there is no way. Almost all the cards I have are from fund raisers and this particular one is about two years old. There is no way she could have known where these cards were without prior snooping knowledge, if you know what I mean. The box is unmarked. Also, she has never ONCE acknowledged our anniversary and I know the only reason she did this year is because she knew easy child was making us our anniversary cake (because she was there all danged day!). </p><p></p><p>Also, mother in law has finally gotten it out of her head that she will live with us in our home and is buying her condo. On the one hand, this is good. on the other hand, this is scary because she is still very much confused about a lot of things, criticizes every one of her neighbors even though they are her new friends, and she still believes people are coming into her apt and taking things. Very paranoid and difficult. </p><p></p><p>However, I have been working non stop to detach from her weirdness as much as possible and have made a concerted effort to keep my mouth shut when it comes to figuring out the next steps, helping with her financial chaos, etc. It's been helpful that H understands and can see it from my perspective. That said, I am very nice, hospitable, helpful and kind to her. I invite her along for things I know she will be interested in and bow out of her invites to H during the week. I just have no desire to hang out with her during the week - Sundays are plenty for me. </p><p></p><p>Wow, aren't you glad you asked, DDD???</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 604982, member: 2211"] Hi DDD! I've missed you as well. I haven't been around here much it's true, but I do browse and try to keep up with everyone. mother in law now lives up here in CT (since April). It was difficult laying down and sticking to boundaries with her as she is so completely oblivious and seems to think she's royalty and can do as she pleases no matter how it inconveniences anyone else. But she is making strides with her newfound independence. Actually, H and I are pleasantly surprised and happy that she takes a Tai Chi class twice a week, seems to have gotten head over heels involved with a group of folks at her place caring for the garden out back, and she even went for a drive with one of her male neighbors. For a while there she was showing up at our house on Sundays at 2 or so when H specifically asked her for dinner and to arrive at 4. One day we were going out and he called her and told her to come at 5 and she responded that she would be there at 4 and to leave the door open. Um, no. And during the recent heat wave she was showing up during the day around 2 or so for a swim which, in and of itself, is not an issue, but she was then hanging around well into dinner time. If I didn't work full time and if groceries were not so danged expensive I wouldn't mind so much having her for dinner once or twice a week, but when I get home from work the last thing I feel like doing is playing hostess....fortunately, H understands this and feels the same way. He can only take her for small bits of time as well. Our anniversary was on the 3rd and we went away for an overnighter down by the beach. H called her early Sunday morning to tell her that we wouldn't be home until late so we were cancelling dinner. She told him she may go over for a swim. At around 4pm, I received a text from easy child who was home doing work for her summer finals that mother in law showed up at 2, never swam and was just hanging out in our house. She was still there when we arrived home after 6PM. Before that she kept hinting at easy child that she was hungry and what was for dinner...oy. easy child was peeved; when we arrived home and as I was unpacking and throwing in laundry I asked H to make his mom a salad. mother in law immediately jumped up and made one for herself. I showered. Then, a little later, easy child presented us with the anniversary cake she makes us every year and a card. mother in law pulled out a card also and handed it to H. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that it was one of MY cards, from MY box of cards that are on MY shelf in MY bedroom!!! OMG. H suggested that maybe mother in law simply bought the same card, but there is no way. Almost all the cards I have are from fund raisers and this particular one is about two years old. There is no way she could have known where these cards were without prior snooping knowledge, if you know what I mean. The box is unmarked. Also, she has never ONCE acknowledged our anniversary and I know the only reason she did this year is because she knew easy child was making us our anniversary cake (because she was there all danged day!). Also, mother in law has finally gotten it out of her head that she will live with us in our home and is buying her condo. On the one hand, this is good. on the other hand, this is scary because she is still very much confused about a lot of things, criticizes every one of her neighbors even though they are her new friends, and she still believes people are coming into her apt and taking things. Very paranoid and difficult. However, I have been working non stop to detach from her weirdness as much as possible and have made a concerted effort to keep my mouth shut when it comes to figuring out the next steps, helping with her financial chaos, etc. It's been helpful that H understands and can see it from my perspective. That said, I am very nice, hospitable, helpful and kind to her. I invite her along for things I know she will be interested in and bow out of her invites to H during the week. I just have no desire to hang out with her during the week - Sundays are plenty for me. Wow, aren't you glad you asked, DDD??? [/QUOTE]
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