Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Update on me and difficult child
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 632768" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>Child, </p><p></p><p>thank you for this update. I recognize the themes...the girlfriend, the pregnancy fears, the "why am I two steps ahead of him in seeing the bad path this is going on"</p><p></p><p>The midnight wakenings. The conviction that tomorrow is a bust for lack of sleep tonight.</p><p></p><p>You are totally right that this takes the toolbox..to keep the parade of terribles at bay.</p><p></p><p>I must say Robin Williams suicide joined the parade for me...along the lines of "if difficult child commits suicide and I have been cold towards him....." and thus the parade begins. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Try to let it parade on by, as parades do. Stand where you are, on the sidelines of his life, and let it go by. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Right. You added another sentence after this. In my mind this is where the thought/feeling/emotion ends....I cannot know the journey that he is on.</p><p></p><p>My ex is moving in with a woman with 3 young kids...he (ex) bought the youngsters superman pajamas...just as he used to do with our young boys. My middle easy child was thrown off balance by that...he said "they are having so much life I know nothing about."</p><p></p><p>It reminded me of a teaching in one of my meditation class...it was for walking meditation...there was a whole lead up of trying to use ears only, to hear all the sounds...touch only, to feel the air, the pressure of the earth on your feet, the swing of your legs...sight only, for light only...and then to put it all together, to move throught the wheeling, spinning, moving universe and see and feel it all, and to know, truly know, that you are the only person who can see all that you are seeing at this one moment in time. I love that.</p><p></p><p>And its corollary...you cannot see what others are seeing, nor know what they know.</p><p></p><p>We cannot know what journey they are on.</p><p></p><p>I saw difficult child today too..it is raining here, and I went out from work at lunch (to get a massage!!!! hahaha because I ran 20 miles yestarday and can hardly sit or stand....) and I saw him across the street. I tipped my umbrella down so he wouldn't see my face. He saw me anyway, and hurried over to tell me momI'monsuboxonei'monmywaytoclinicmyfoodstampshaventcomethroughbutwhentheydoi'llusethemtogetmymedsi'vebeentakingsomeleftoverlititumivebeencleanfor9dayswhatisgoingonathomehowareyoumom.</p><p>Ijust wanted to get away.</p><p></p><p>Later he texted me to say "even though we aren't on good terms I was glad to see you. I love you."and I wrote "last time I reached out to you you left my house and took whatever you wanted, then tried to enlist your 16 year old brother in selling drugs. I saw you today...I moved my umbrella because I didn't want to talk to you."</p><p></p><p>And then I asked SO if I should pay for his medications. </p><p></p><p>So that is the confusing place in which I live today.</p><p></p><p>Blessings on all our heads today, us, our partners. our pcs and difficult children.</p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 632768, member: 17269"] Child, thank you for this update. I recognize the themes...the girlfriend, the pregnancy fears, the "why am I two steps ahead of him in seeing the bad path this is going on" The midnight wakenings. The conviction that tomorrow is a bust for lack of sleep tonight. You are totally right that this takes the toolbox..to keep the parade of terribles at bay. I must say Robin Williams suicide joined the parade for me...along the lines of "if difficult child commits suicide and I have been cold towards him....." and thus the parade begins. Try to let it parade on by, as parades do. Stand where you are, on the sidelines of his life, and let it go by. Right. You added another sentence after this. In my mind this is where the thought/feeling/emotion ends....I cannot know the journey that he is on. My ex is moving in with a woman with 3 young kids...he (ex) bought the youngsters superman pajamas...just as he used to do with our young boys. My middle easy child was thrown off balance by that...he said "they are having so much life I know nothing about." It reminded me of a teaching in one of my meditation class...it was for walking meditation...there was a whole lead up of trying to use ears only, to hear all the sounds...touch only, to feel the air, the pressure of the earth on your feet, the swing of your legs...sight only, for light only...and then to put it all together, to move throught the wheeling, spinning, moving universe and see and feel it all, and to know, truly know, that you are the only person who can see all that you are seeing at this one moment in time. I love that. And its corollary...you cannot see what others are seeing, nor know what they know. We cannot know what journey they are on. I saw difficult child today too..it is raining here, and I went out from work at lunch (to get a massage!!!! hahaha because I ran 20 miles yestarday and can hardly sit or stand....) and I saw him across the street. I tipped my umbrella down so he wouldn't see my face. He saw me anyway, and hurried over to tell me momI'monsuboxonei'monmywaytoclinicmyfoodstampshaventcomethroughbutwhentheydoi'llusethemtogetmymedsi'vebeentakingsomeleftoverlititumivebeencleanfor9dayswhatisgoingonathomehowareyoumom. Ijust wanted to get away. Later he texted me to say "even though we aren't on good terms I was glad to see you. I love you."and I wrote "last time I reached out to you you left my house and took whatever you wanted, then tried to enlist your 16 year old brother in selling drugs. I saw you today...I moved my umbrella because I didn't want to talk to you." And then I asked SO if I should pay for his medications. So that is the confusing place in which I live today. Blessings on all our heads today, us, our partners. our pcs and difficult children. Echo [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Update on me and difficult child
Top