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Update on me and difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 632782" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>I know tons of people who do this. We just don't TALK about it. We hold way too much in, trying to wear a mask that looks good to the world, and inside we are all feeling that we're the ONLY ONES. We are not the only ones. We are merely human. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>No, I am not. As I wrote on another thread today, my feelings may be one thing, Lil, and then my thinking and my actions may be another thing. And that has only come through years of hard work. I can today separate my feelings from my thinking and my actions, most of the time. Not all the time. But I have learned, and I do mean have learned and today believe this with all of my heart, is that my feelings are not facts. </p><p></p><p>That was a HUGE learning for me in Al-Anon and when I first heard it it was the dumbest thing I had ever heard. I could not even grasp it on the lowest level. It has taken time and work and faith and who knows what else to get to this point, and today it still takes continued work. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I love this! Your terms, Lucy. Not his. That is a great example of living your own life. Of turning, and putting yourself first, and still loving difficult child and creating a space for him in your life. On your terms. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, I like this image as well. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I love this too. Thank you for sharing this Echo. The image of we having our own singular experiences---apart from the experiences of even our own children---that no one else can have and know about....and</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>...they have their own experiences and their own lives and their own journeys and we are separate people. We are not joined by the umbilical cord anymore. And this is how it is supposed to be. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Bless you! I ran just five miles last week and my thighs were still hurting on Sunday! You are younger than me, Echo! Viva ibuprophen! </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>And this is exactly where we still live as we deal with our precious sons who we love so much and who continue to make the very puzzling choices that they make with their lives. </p><p></p><p>I live right there with you, Echo. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>No, I am not either, Lucy. BUT, today I can compartmentalize it. I can say, okay, remember there is nothing you can do, get out your toolbox, use your tools, and then get on with your day. Most of the time I can do it. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yep, up all night. Absolutely correct. Thank you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 632782, member: 17542"] I know tons of people who do this. We just don't TALK about it. We hold way too much in, trying to wear a mask that looks good to the world, and inside we are all feeling that we're the ONLY ONES. We are not the only ones. We are merely human. No, I am not. As I wrote on another thread today, my feelings may be one thing, Lil, and then my thinking and my actions may be another thing. And that has only come through years of hard work. I can today separate my feelings from my thinking and my actions, most of the time. Not all the time. But I have learned, and I do mean have learned and today believe this with all of my heart, is that my feelings are not facts. That was a HUGE learning for me in Al-Anon and when I first heard it it was the dumbest thing I had ever heard. I could not even grasp it on the lowest level. It has taken time and work and faith and who knows what else to get to this point, and today it still takes continued work. I love this! Your terms, Lucy. Not his. That is a great example of living your own life. Of turning, and putting yourself first, and still loving difficult child and creating a space for him in your life. On your terms. Yes, I like this image as well. I love this too. Thank you for sharing this Echo. The image of we having our own singular experiences---apart from the experiences of even our own children---that no one else can have and know about....and ...they have their own experiences and their own lives and their own journeys and we are separate people. We are not joined by the umbilical cord anymore. And this is how it is supposed to be. Bless you! I ran just five miles last week and my thighs were still hurting on Sunday! You are younger than me, Echo! Viva ibuprophen! And this is exactly where we still live as we deal with our precious sons who we love so much and who continue to make the very puzzling choices that they make with their lives. I live right there with you, Echo. No, I am not either, Lucy. BUT, today I can compartmentalize it. I can say, okay, remember there is nothing you can do, get out your toolbox, use your tools, and then get on with your day. Most of the time I can do it. Yep, up all night. Absolutely correct. Thank you. [/QUOTE]
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