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Parent Emeritus
Update on me and difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 632813" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>I too have done this. To be honest, I have basically difficult child's funerals mapped out in my head. Have been for years. I do it a little with my other loved ones, but with difficult child it has always been the worst. For some reason I have had a strong feeling even before the day he was born, that I will bury him one day. I do not believe in predisposition or anything like that, so I have always considered that feeling to tell mostly something about me and nothing about my son or his future. But of course dangerous situations he keeps putting himself into haven't helped at all. Standing on the river bank when they are drag searching the river because your kid is missing and his jacket was found from the river and someone heard the splash doesn't do any favours for any parent's imagination. Neither do even half-a**ed suicide attempts decade later.</p><p></p><p>But these thoughts are from those dark places inside us, that we don't tend to reveal to other people. And I'm not sure if we really even should. Not too much at least. Neither do I believe we should suppress those dark thoughts too much either. Yes, often you have to prioritize getting back to sleep, but I believe there has to be time and place also for those black thoughts from those secretive, dark places inside us. If we just suppress them or dismiss them as nonsense, I believe we are denying and fooling ourselves and not accepting ourselves wholly.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 632813, member: 14557"] I too have done this. To be honest, I have basically difficult child's funerals mapped out in my head. Have been for years. I do it a little with my other loved ones, but with difficult child it has always been the worst. For some reason I have had a strong feeling even before the day he was born, that I will bury him one day. I do not believe in predisposition or anything like that, so I have always considered that feeling to tell mostly something about me and nothing about my son or his future. But of course dangerous situations he keeps putting himself into haven't helped at all. Standing on the river bank when they are drag searching the river because your kid is missing and his jacket was found from the river and someone heard the splash doesn't do any favours for any parent's imagination. Neither do even half-a**ed suicide attempts decade later. But these thoughts are from those dark places inside us, that we don't tend to reveal to other people. And I'm not sure if we really even should. Not too much at least. Neither do I believe we should suppress those dark thoughts too much either. Yes, often you have to prioritize getting back to sleep, but I believe there has to be time and place also for those black thoughts from those secretive, dark places inside us. If we just suppress them or dismiss them as nonsense, I believe we are denying and fooling ourselves and not accepting ourselves wholly. [/QUOTE]
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Update on me and difficult child
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