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Update on my note to dad...
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<blockquote data-quote="goldenguru" data-source="post: 205400" data-attributes="member: 1545"><p>Ya know witz - I thought about this post a long while before I responded. So take it for what it's worth.</p><p></p><p>1) I don't know how old your dad is - but there is a generation of men who 'loved' their families by working hard to provide them with material necessities. It is their 'love language' if you will. My father is one of those men.</p><p></p><p>2) I don't know your dad - but men in general are NOT deep thinkers or feelers. To get some men to acknowledge, let alone verbalize an emotion is almost beyond the realm of possible. My father is one of those men. I have never really seen or heard much in the way of deep feelings from him except toward my own children - his grandchildren.</p><p></p><p>Men our dad's ages were never expected to 'nurture' their children really. It just isn't what dad's did. It's sad - but it's a fact.</p><p></p><p>3) As people age they do in fact become more narcissistic and often hypochondriacs. I suppose as we approach death we become more aware of our own frailties. </p><p></p><p>None of these things negates your hurt or desire to have a close loving relationship with your dad. I just hope that in pointing out some generalities, it helps to understand a bit where your dad is at. It helped me to understand that my own dad is a product of his own upbringing and culture. It helps me to remember that our parent's shortcomings are really NOT about us - but more about them.</p><p></p><p>I think sometimes age softens men. It did my own dad and father in law. Perhaps they do come to a place of realization. My hope is that your dad will get there too.</p><p>Hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="goldenguru, post: 205400, member: 1545"] Ya know witz - I thought about this post a long while before I responded. So take it for what it's worth. 1) I don't know how old your dad is - but there is a generation of men who 'loved' their families by working hard to provide them with material necessities. It is their 'love language' if you will. My father is one of those men. 2) I don't know your dad - but men in general are NOT deep thinkers or feelers. To get some men to acknowledge, let alone verbalize an emotion is almost beyond the realm of possible. My father is one of those men. I have never really seen or heard much in the way of deep feelings from him except toward my own children - his grandchildren. Men our dad's ages were never expected to 'nurture' their children really. It just isn't what dad's did. It's sad - but it's a fact. 3) As people age they do in fact become more narcissistic and often hypochondriacs. I suppose as we approach death we become more aware of our own frailties. None of these things negates your hurt or desire to have a close loving relationship with your dad. I just hope that in pointing out some generalities, it helps to understand a bit where your dad is at. It helped me to understand that my own dad is a product of his own upbringing and culture. It helps me to remember that our parent's shortcomings are really NOT about us - but more about them. I think sometimes age softens men. It did my own dad and father in law. Perhaps they do come to a place of realization. My hope is that your dad will get there too. Hugs. [/QUOTE]
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Update on my note to dad...
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