You probably remember my writing a note to my dad last month after learning he had bypass surgery last winter (and having been called callous because I didn't know about it... however that works. I had said: "I just heard about your heart surgery last week. I'm sorry to hear that you were so ill, and glad you have recovered. I'm sorry that things are still so bad between you and I after all these years. I do love you." I got a card about a week ago from him. I think it is the first I have ever received. He told me all about how sick he was last winter. Period. He did sign it "Love, Dad", but that's as close as it got to depth. He described several other complications he had as well. Things that have happened to me which made me a big hypochondriac complainer (his words), but were life threatening to him. I asked husband what he thought about why he wouldn't say anything in return to me about the health of our relationship, and husband said he thought my dad wasn't capable. I asked if he meant that he wasn't capable of saying that or what? He said he thought that my dad wasn't capable of feeling any real love for anyone other than himself and while he may think he loves me out of obligation, he really hasn't given in a thought, and isn't capable of understanding the concept, let alone care about the hurt it has caused. husband has known my dad for 25 years, so I think he's entitled to his opinion. It sounds about right. husband and I also talked about my mom's role in this. husband feels that my dad is so hopeless and mean that my mom won't ever try to defend anyone from him. I agree, and my reaction to that is that she is a shallow woman who lets others be bullied rather than protect those she supposedly "loves". Not doing what you can to protect someone when they need help is just as bad as abusing someone. It just comes in a prettier package. Overall, I'm actually more angry with my mom for her inaction than I am for my dad's narcissism. So, all in all, it was about what I had expected if there was any reply. It was "all about dad." He doesn't want a relationship with me any more than I want one with him. It works well that way, and I am not at all upset by the note.