Update on my son

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by lovemyson1, Aug 4, 2015.

  1. lovemyson1

    lovemyson1 Active Member

    Hi all. Since we kicked our son out the last time for using he's been working and living with his girlfriend. He comes over for holidays, birthdays or whenever we invite him. Sometimes he comes over to do laundry, but lately he must be doing it elsewhere. I encouraged his dad to spend time with him and they recently had a great time deep sea fishing, both were very happy. However, he looks extremely thin again and that always makes me think he's using. We asked him and he said he isn't. But we also found out that he is hanging with his old friend who got him started on heroin. This friend was supposed to be in treatment but looks like he left. So I'm not feeling good about things. I'm wondering if he is becoming a functioning heroin user. Because he's working, his girlfriend has no idea, he's just going through life. He is supposed to be saving for a better car, but doesn't have money saved and he's not paying rent. (makes me think he's spending his money on drugs) My and my husbands biggest concern is that he will eventually get swallowed up by the addiction and be sick and of couse we worry about him dying!!!!! I don't know if we are handling this right, but we are just acting like nothings going on. Kinda like detaching but still keeping contact. Now, I don't have proof, but his thin body, sure looks like it did when he was using. Maybe this is how it's going to be until he finally quits on his own. I don't know. He won't be honest so we just give him love, tell him we will support him getting help, and let him live his life. We don't give him any money or anything. Just food when he's home and love. His future does not look promising at this point.
  2. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    I personally think you are doing exactly the right thing... loving him, keeping a relationship with him, not giving him money and letting him find his way. I thiink it is the hardest thing to do is to let them find his way.... but really at this point you cant find it for him. However I think loving him and letting him know you will support him getting help may eventually make a difference, when he is tired of the life style and what he loses by living it.
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  3. lovemyson1

    lovemyson1 Active Member

    Thank you toughlovin! That means a lot! I have learned so much over the past year and one thing is for sure, you CAN'T get them to quit until they are READY but you CAN help them when they are. But it's still very hard to watch, witness & worry. ((hugs))
  4. comatheart

    comatheart Active Member

    I completely agree with toughlovin.

    It's so hard to sit by and watch. We can just hope and pray he wants it for himself sooner rather than later. Huge hugs!
  5. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree with TL. You are doing exactly the right thing.

  6. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Lms you are keeping the door open and that is the best you can do right now. You are not naive enough to believe everything he says, you've been around the block. But you have no power to fix him, you on'y have the power to build a good life for yourself and be there if he wants help (not the enabling kind of help but you know that). I think that is the best any of us can do once they become adults and our influence is no longer able to keep them safe.
  7. lovemyson1

    lovemyson1 Active Member

    Thank you all for the continued love & support. It helps immensely to be reassured we're doing right.