Update on My Son

RN0441

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
My son has been sober for 8 months - that in itself is a big accomplishment! He has been in his long term faith based program since October 10th and was sober one month prior to that.

We had sent him to sober living in Florida in March of 2016 after struggling for many years and not being able to stay sober on his own. We had "had it" and knew being with us wasn't working.

We have seen huge changes in him since he has been at in his current program. We are able to visit once per month and talk to him only TEN MINUTES per week. They are teaching him to be accountable and be independent. That is just the tip of the iceberg of what he has learned since he has been there. He has shown a lot of appreciation to us for all that we have done for him and sticking by him and not giving up.

He is going on a missionary trip in June to an Indian reservation in Montana with a few other "brothers". He is nervous about this because it is outside of his comfort zone and he has to tell his "story" to a lot of people. They are now practicing for a program they will be putting on for the guys there. He said he is hard for him (he has social anxiety) but he is making himself do this. We are happy because we feel this will be an enriching experience for him.

Last month on our visit we told him about our move to another state this summer due to my job transfer. We are leaving our older boys in Chicago as they are pretty settled. We did not have to make this move but my husband has been wanting to move to a warmer climate for several years so this is a good opportunity for us. I really like my job and am paid well and treated well. Our son will be joining us when he graduates in November. He was very upset at first when we told him about the relocation, concerned about his older brothers. Had thought of "home" so many times since he's been gone. After it sunk in he did feel happy that we are giving him another chance.

He works so hard to follow the rules there and always be on time. They are very strict. For example, a candy wrapper in your pants that are thrown into the laundry is one week on discipline and no call home. A lot of people cannot make it. He will go to the Hope House in July where they are independent and work full time. He will receive a check when he graduates which he will use for a car.

It amazes me that this program works so well since many of these men have been doing drugs for decades and to be able to turn their lives around is just amazing. We see graduations when we visit once per month and the stories are heartbreaking but amazing also. You cannot leave there without being deeply touched by the stories of these men. We know because we have lived it too.

We feel this will be a fresh start for our son and we really want to give him that opportunity as long as he is moving in a positive direction with his life and continues to do so. He has expressed that he wants to do a job helping people and is interested in public service. Possibly law enforcement or something along those lines. This means so much to me as he used to hate police officers during his drug days. Most do when they are breaking the law!

We will take it all one day at a time and see how things go. He knows this is a trial basis only. He is going to use this time as a springboard to do positive things with his life and be the son that he should have been and the man that God intends him to be (his words, not mine). I really feel this move and the timing is a divine intervention. There are many reasons that I feel this way and my son feels this way also. Also as a plus my brother will be living an hour from me as they are retiring there. We have never lived that close to one another so I am very excited to have some family close by.

If everything works out and my son is able to reach his goals I will still not feel that all this pain and suffering was worth it but at least it will not have been in vain.
:church:
 

Albatross

Well-Known Member
What a wonderful update! I'm so happy he continues his progress. I can't wait to hear about the excitement and pride he feels after he gives his talk! Good for him. So happy for all of you.
 

Mimi44

New Member
So happy for you and your family. Pray all continues to go well. If I may ask what is the name of this program. I live in Florida an my son is soon getting out of jail, I am such a wreck as he has no where to go . He can’t come home and I fear he will go right back to the street and drugs even though he is swears he doesn’t want anymore to do with drugs. Was praying the court would order him to rehab but that has happened so here we are again mostly myself trying to maintain sanity and keep faith. Pray for the day my son will be the man I know he can be and I can sleep at night.
 

ksm

Well-Known Member
The trip to Montana sounds wonderful. Please update us about his experience once he has been there.

In 2009 we spent a summer living and volunteering on the Northern Cheyenne reservation. We helped with a church camp for children and teens. And a group from an organization came to the camp made up of late teen men with addiction and behavioral issues came. They worked on some projects with the camp, ate meals with us, and shared their testimony with the campers. It was powerful.

God bless your son and the others in his group for sharing their story.

Ksm
 

RN0441

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Thanks so much everyone for your continued prayers and positive thoughts.

His graduation will be the beginning for him and it will be very difficult I'm sure but I really believe (and my therapist who is an addiction specialist concurs) that the drug brain needs at least a year to really "dry out".

It has been such a journey for us. I collected knowledge from each treatment center, therapist, counselor, social worker, etc. that came into our lives. I do remember one of the last ones said do not wait until HE is ready. Her parents forced her too. We forced this on him and my husband feared he'd hate us. But we didn't care. We wanted him sober for long enough to SEE what was really going on with his life. It doesn't happen in 30 days. Nope. Not even close.

He is really putting a lot into this. He rarely complians which is not like him! He just says it's very hard but all the guys say that during their graduation speech. But the way he is so intense about doing everything RIGHT there speaks volumes to us. I told him do not question it. It WORKS.

We are realistic - we're pretty seasoned - but this feels right for our family.

Mimi I will PM you.
 

Kathy813

Well-Known Member
Staff member
Mimi44, we cannot give names to programs in the discussion thread. You can do so through private messages. Click on RN's name under her avatar and then select "start a conversation."

RN, I am so happy for you and your son. As I have said in the past, I feel a special affinity to your situation since your son reminds me of my daughter in so many ways. I am rooting for him!!
 

Littleboylost

Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
RN
Time sober and progression in development beyond the drugging, how amazing is that! I wish every wonderful success for you all!
 

startingfresh

Active Member
I am sure it has not felt quick to you at all but 8 months already! That is such wonderful news that he is continuing to work the program and doing well. I am sure you are relieved that he took the moving news fairly well. I have a friend whose son went to a faith based program that mostly served the homeless and formerly incarcerated men. It was after many failed attempts in other programs. He learned a trade which helped him immensely in having a plan for what next. He is now 2 years out of the program and is doing very very well. It is amazing to see how much someone can develop and change when sober. I am so happy for all of you and continue to root for him. :)
 
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