Update on residential

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mollyzuzu, Nov 6, 2017.

  1. mollyzuzu

    mollyzuzu Member

    Hi all, currently son has gotten out of rehab, last wednesday. His case worker called me tuesday afternoon to let me know they would be placing him in shelter care until a spot opens up in a group home for him. They do not want him coming back home until he is in a group home for awhile as step down from the rehab. In the past he has come home from the hospitals only to return to drug seeking and self harm almost immediately.

    He is very angry at me. He told me he is better now, he needs no one to help him that he's got this. He does not need to be in shelter care OR need to go to a group home. I am only doing this for my sake, (which s a bit true), and he said that he will not go to the group home willingly. I told him it is court ordered and he has to go. He went balllistic on me and told me he has not been home for almost 6 months now, gee, who;s fault is that. In and out of the mental hospital, intensive inpatient and now drug rehab. He wants to come home badly. Never once mentioned he misses us, I think he just wants to come back to do his drugs again.

    He has not touched his studies and is now one complete year behind, he is 16 and in 10th grade, Special Education and has an IEP. I am thinking he is VERY High risk for dropping out at this point. sigh....

    I am glad that he is going to be going into a gorup home, but now more work begins. AODA counselor wants hubby and I to do therapy, go to NAMI sessions and learn all about drug addiciton and mental health before he comes home. Seems to me that we may be working harder than son. Hubby told me we are going to take a breather for wahile, we will have the trauma therapist keep coming but that is all for right now.

    I don't see son changing at all towards us. He really does not want to be with us or do anything with us. Not sure how all this is going Occupational Therapist (OT) pan out. I am so greatful that the county is finally acting though. We COULD NOT keep him safe any longer. And, he can't stay home by himslef and was starting to refuse to come along. What in the world does one do?
     
  2. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    MZ
    No answer for you. My son refuses help and we have asked him to leave home. He is in the process of applying for social assistance.

    He wants to come home, but does. It want to change. So we are saying no. We will support him in any self help fashion and always love him.

    Our love is unconditional our boundaries and expectations are not.
     
  3. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Molly

    Hang in there. I agree he should not be coming home. Does he also have any type of diagnosis? Drugs are bad enough but on top of a mental issue can be worse.

    My son started this at 15 and now at 22 we finally see him actually putting some work into changing. This only came at the placement of a faith based long term program. We forced it but now he is starting to see that it will help him.

    Nothing, and I mean nothing.else.worked.

    Hang on tight, it's a long road and it's a roller coaster. I would not let him come home until he has completed a long term program and you see a big change....if ever.

    My son never did well at home. Your son is still very young but the sooner you get tough, the better for all.

    I think that educating yourself on his addiction and anything else he has going on is excellent advice. You need outside help to create firm but loving boundaries. I know that I did. This is NOT normal parenting by a long shot.

    It's good that you have your spouse also that you can lean on. This is tough stuff. You must take care of yourself.
     
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry he is so set in his addiction. More education on addiction and how to detach with love (and what that means to you and your husband) would be a good thing. I can see why you need to take a break for a little while though. Sometimes you just need a break, even if everyone tells you that you need something different.

    Be aware that your son is going to fight going from the shelter to the group home. He may try to run away or hide from the shelter if they have to be out during the day. I don't think he has the skills to be gone for very long. You might want to make a plan for what you will do if he runs away from the shelter. What if he calls you and wants you to help him? What if he is gone for a week or two and then contacts you and wants to come home? How would you feel then? If you think about how you want to respond ahead of time and write out what you think you want to do, you have a plan. When that thing happens, if it happens, you have something to fall back on. You are not making decisions while dealing with shock and anger and confusion and pain and fear. You don't have to follow the plan you made, but it is a starting point.

    I hope you stick to your guns and don't let him come back home. He hasn't done well there. You and your husband don't need the worry and fear that would come with having him there. He only wants to come home to his drugs, not his parents. He needs to see what life outside of your house is like and he needs this badly. I hope it means that at some point he will stop wanting drugs, but so far I don't hold out much hope for that.

    Do very nice things for yourself and your husband while your son is out of the house. Spoil each other. Recharge your batteries. Indulge yourselves a bit. Let the people in charge of your son deal with him. You work on yourselves and your marriage. I know that each time we got our difficult child out of the house, my husband and I tried to work on each other as much as we could. It really helped, too.
     
  5. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    That is probably true, Molly. I know it is hard to stick to the plan, but for your son it appears the best option. Hang in there.
     
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