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Update on son moving back into my house
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<blockquote data-quote="PennyFromTheBlock" data-source="post: 677458" data-attributes="member: 18271"><p>Well, all good and decent things come to a head, always, don't they?</p><p></p><p>/sigh.</p><p></p><p>I'm NOT handling this well (at least, not to me, but I know my heart is pure, and that's what keeps me going).</p><p></p><p>On the GOOD hand:</p><p></p><p>He went permanent at his job. This means he will be able to (God willing) to get an apartment at the complex he works at and have the rent taken from his check. Maybe even as soon as Feb 1. </p><p></p><p>On the BAD hand:</p><p></p><p>He just got paid last Wednesday- and already he's broke and asking for money. He concocted a story today about his car and called me today to ask if I would "get him a loan that he could pay back" - when I said no, he gave lip and then shut his mouth and that was that.</p><p></p><p>Enter, my daughter.</p><p></p><p>At the complex he works at, one of her friends works there in the office and she is the one who actually got my son the job. She called my daughter today (and I know her- it wasn't to be 'messy', it was to give a heads up to help my son)- that evidently my son was asking for 'gas' money from the head maintenance man today and that he needs to stop that- because she doesn't want them to think bad of him.</p><p></p><p>Problem with Difficult Child is that if you give that boy ONE NICKEL when he asks, then he needs a DIME, then a DOLLAR, so on and so forth (I know y'all know this already)- I also had told her about the loan request her brother said- and in all honesty, it innocent- his car JUST got paid off, and I said to her "doesn't it figure that your brothers car WOULD act up right as it's paid off- and he asked for a loan but I told him I couldn't do it)...well, evidently he had asked HER to get him a loan YESTERDAY for a DIFFERENT reason but the same amount. I think he owes drug dealers.</p><p></p><p>So his sister texted him and said STOP BEING THAT "MAN" THAT BEGS! Don't do that! Don't make yourself look bad! Stop asking mom for money - you JUST GOT PAID. YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE ANY 'REAL' BILLS RIGHT NOW- HOW IN THE HELL ARE YOU BROKE ALREADY!?</p><p></p><p>Well, when he got to my house today he was HOT.</p><p></p><p>Y'all would be proud (no lie, sometimes I imagine you all behind me giving me support)- first I told him that yelling was a NO GO, and second- that I was NOT going to tolerate that behavior and if this is how he thinks he is going to speak to ME, he could LEAVE.</p><p></p><p>Of course, as they do, it's always about what WE hold over his head, etc.</p><p></p><p>So he names off me, his sister, my gbaby's mother, etc- always have the control to "put him out" and I pointed out (calmly) to think about what he just said. Who is the common denominator son? IT'S YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU. </p><p></p><p>I never yelled. I did tell him that I was NOT going back to our time in 2014. He (of course) said that we hold his 'past' against him (and again, thanks to this board, I had a response which was....) "son, you will learn as you grow and mature that past behavior is a very good indication of future behavior. You have to understand that whatever consequences you feel you are 'suffering' are because of CHOICES YOU MADE."</p><p></p><p>Whew.</p><p></p><p>I kept my cool. Where I'm living is a little non-descript duplex and I rent from a very lovely older gentleman. My lease will get renewed in March. I told him to CALM HIMSELF BECAUSE I'LL BE DAMNED IF HE CREATES DRAMA IN MY HOME WHICH CAUSES ME TO LOSE THIS WONDERFUL PLACE. He just does NOT get it. I did also tell him that if he did not stop, I would call the police.</p><p></p><p>Then, his suicide talk reared its head- haven't heard any of that since july 2014. I told him, once again, that it would be a horrible legacy to leave his baby. That to even SAY it when YOU HAVE A FIVE MONTH OLD is shameful.</p><p></p><p>He then reverted back to his old thing too of not having a dad. Look, I get it. I do. I raised those kids all by myself with no involved fathers and no help from my family. Alone. I GET IT. However, as I told him- YOU MAY NOT HAVE HAD A DAD- BUT YOU HAD A PARENT. And right now, he cannot say he had a bad example of a parent. I wasn't perfect, but I tried. And I think I did a good job (but for some things with dealing with his issues that I would do differently). So being a 'dad' is being a 'parent' and the 'dad' part of it will come. </p><p></p><p>All that makes me tired to type -but I guess I wanted this to all be ok. </p><p></p><p>Please PLEASE say a collective prayer that they work out something at his job for an apartment on Feb 1.</p><p></p><p>PLEASE.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="PennyFromTheBlock, post: 677458, member: 18271"] Well, all good and decent things come to a head, always, don't they? /sigh. I'm NOT handling this well (at least, not to me, but I know my heart is pure, and that's what keeps me going). On the GOOD hand: He went permanent at his job. This means he will be able to (God willing) to get an apartment at the complex he works at and have the rent taken from his check. Maybe even as soon as Feb 1. On the BAD hand: He just got paid last Wednesday- and already he's broke and asking for money. He concocted a story today about his car and called me today to ask if I would "get him a loan that he could pay back" - when I said no, he gave lip and then shut his mouth and that was that. Enter, my daughter. At the complex he works at, one of her friends works there in the office and she is the one who actually got my son the job. She called my daughter today (and I know her- it wasn't to be 'messy', it was to give a heads up to help my son)- that evidently my son was asking for 'gas' money from the head maintenance man today and that he needs to stop that- because she doesn't want them to think bad of him. Problem with Difficult Child is that if you give that boy ONE NICKEL when he asks, then he needs a DIME, then a DOLLAR, so on and so forth (I know y'all know this already)- I also had told her about the loan request her brother said- and in all honesty, it innocent- his car JUST got paid off, and I said to her "doesn't it figure that your brothers car WOULD act up right as it's paid off- and he asked for a loan but I told him I couldn't do it)...well, evidently he had asked HER to get him a loan YESTERDAY for a DIFFERENT reason but the same amount. I think he owes drug dealers. So his sister texted him and said STOP BEING THAT "MAN" THAT BEGS! Don't do that! Don't make yourself look bad! Stop asking mom for money - you JUST GOT PAID. YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE ANY 'REAL' BILLS RIGHT NOW- HOW IN THE HELL ARE YOU BROKE ALREADY!? Well, when he got to my house today he was HOT. Y'all would be proud (no lie, sometimes I imagine you all behind me giving me support)- first I told him that yelling was a NO GO, and second- that I was NOT going to tolerate that behavior and if this is how he thinks he is going to speak to ME, he could LEAVE. Of course, as they do, it's always about what WE hold over his head, etc. So he names off me, his sister, my gbaby's mother, etc- always have the control to "put him out" and I pointed out (calmly) to think about what he just said. Who is the common denominator son? IT'S YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU. I never yelled. I did tell him that I was NOT going back to our time in 2014. He (of course) said that we hold his 'past' against him (and again, thanks to this board, I had a response which was....) "son, you will learn as you grow and mature that past behavior is a very good indication of future behavior. You have to understand that whatever consequences you feel you are 'suffering' are because of CHOICES YOU MADE." Whew. I kept my cool. Where I'm living is a little non-descript duplex and I rent from a very lovely older gentleman. My lease will get renewed in March. I told him to CALM HIMSELF BECAUSE I'LL BE DAMNED IF HE CREATES DRAMA IN MY HOME WHICH CAUSES ME TO LOSE THIS WONDERFUL PLACE. He just does NOT get it. I did also tell him that if he did not stop, I would call the police. Then, his suicide talk reared its head- haven't heard any of that since july 2014. I told him, once again, that it would be a horrible legacy to leave his baby. That to even SAY it when YOU HAVE A FIVE MONTH OLD is shameful. He then reverted back to his old thing too of not having a dad. Look, I get it. I do. I raised those kids all by myself with no involved fathers and no help from my family. Alone. I GET IT. However, as I told him- YOU MAY NOT HAVE HAD A DAD- BUT YOU HAD A PARENT. And right now, he cannot say he had a bad example of a parent. I wasn't perfect, but I tried. And I think I did a good job (but for some things with dealing with his issues that I would do differently). So being a 'dad' is being a 'parent' and the 'dad' part of it will come. All that makes me tired to type -but I guess I wanted this to all be ok. Please PLEASE say a collective prayer that they work out something at his job for an apartment on Feb 1. PLEASE. [/QUOTE]
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Update on son moving back into my house
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