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General Parenting
Update on the "knife incident"
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 487598" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>Chaos, I forgot I was going to share how I present things to people (and it helps those who, like your son's teacher sounds, really want to help). I remind them to work hard to not take the actual words he says personally. To realize that he needs them to be his heroes and to listen to what he is communicating not how he is saying it.</p><p></p><p>If he is calling her names, was his real meaning ..... I am at my limit? I can't do one more thing? I dont understand any of this? I am hungry? I am in pain? I just feel mad? etc. Often this is a sign of needing a break. Instead of feeling defeated, I use moments like this with students to help me figure them out. What was each thing that lead up to this moment. How many minutes working on this without a break? How long since last snack/meal? What time in the day compared to medication times? Use those moments as times to record things and be thankful for the clue to start puzzling thru the behaviors in order to help. Be glad it happened with HER so something constructive can come out of it. Tell her that if at any time she feels overwhelmed she can vent to you and you will understand that she is not mad, but just needs to say how hard it is, and tell her you may need that from her too. (IF you can trust her that is)</p><p></p><p>It has helped me develop some amazing relationships with people we work with... teachers especially.</p><p></p><p>Just one way to try things, if it does not feel right I understand. But I think genuine support of them, admitting you know it is really hard and can feel like you are getting no where etc.... really does make a difference. These are not the kids they thought they would teach when they went to college, to be honest. Few teachers think they will be cussed at and have kids who sound so disrespectful with typical consequences and rewards not helping. But they dont get to pick and choose only the "fun" disabilities to work with. Time for the system to change and realize these kids are every bit as deserving. That is not her fight right now, she just needs support to work with your one deserving and challenging son.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 487598, member: 12886"] Chaos, I forgot I was going to share how I present things to people (and it helps those who, like your son's teacher sounds, really want to help). I remind them to work hard to not take the actual words he says personally. To realize that he needs them to be his heroes and to listen to what he is communicating not how he is saying it. If he is calling her names, was his real meaning ..... I am at my limit? I can't do one more thing? I dont understand any of this? I am hungry? I am in pain? I just feel mad? etc. Often this is a sign of needing a break. Instead of feeling defeated, I use moments like this with students to help me figure them out. What was each thing that lead up to this moment. How many minutes working on this without a break? How long since last snack/meal? What time in the day compared to medication times? Use those moments as times to record things and be thankful for the clue to start puzzling thru the behaviors in order to help. Be glad it happened with HER so something constructive can come out of it. Tell her that if at any time she feels overwhelmed she can vent to you and you will understand that she is not mad, but just needs to say how hard it is, and tell her you may need that from her too. (IF you can trust her that is) It has helped me develop some amazing relationships with people we work with... teachers especially. Just one way to try things, if it does not feel right I understand. But I think genuine support of them, admitting you know it is really hard and can feel like you are getting no where etc.... really does make a difference. These are not the kids they thought they would teach when they went to college, to be honest. Few teachers think they will be cussed at and have kids who sound so disrespectful with typical consequences and rewards not helping. But they dont get to pick and choose only the "fun" disabilities to work with. Time for the system to change and realize these kids are every bit as deserving. That is not her fight right now, she just needs support to work with your one deserving and challenging son. [/QUOTE]
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Update on the "knife incident"
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