Update on the "knife incident"

[Chaosuncontained]

Last night Carson was apologetic for his action, but I think so because he really wanted to get up out of bed. He didn't get the seriousness of the situation--kept changing the subject while we were talking Occupational Therapist (OT) him. Or maybe he did get it and just did NOT want to talk about it--I dunno.

I emailed the EX last night. "I thought you needed to know this.

Tonight Carson got angry with Claudia (she was teasing him) and he took a steak knife from the kitchen drawer. I was able to stop him before he got anywhere near her. He was in the kitchen, she was in the living room. I demanded he give me the knife. He did, causing a small cut to my hand.

I have removed all knives from our kitchen. Just wanted to let you know so you could take any necessary precautions at your house before his next visit." I've not heard back from him. Nor do I expect to.

I made a call to the doctor this AM. I will def talk/ask him about discontinuing the Resperdone. About 4 weeks ago he has also started cussing at school a LOT (yesterday he called his favorite teacher a 'stupid 8itch'--you should read her email. She feels so defeated over feeling like she can't teach him). He got 1 day of OCS.

 

[ready2run]

ugh... that is aweful. my difficult child has had knife incidents as well and we now have ours locked up, way out of his reach. psychiatrist said if he did it again call 911 to get it on record incase of future problems. which we know there will be, right? i called CAS on him and made a report, told them what we were doing about it and that if he did something like this again they would be called to remove him from my home and family(he is not my bio-son). they agreed to make a record of it for me. hope you get things straightened out with him and get him on some medications that help

 

[DDD]

Sounds like an appropriate notice of the problem and the steps you have taken to prevent it happening again in the future. Way To Go! DDD

 

[BusynMember]

You did the right thing, and I know it wasn't easy.

The problem I have had with talking to my kids about what they did was that they didn't really benefit from our talks. My Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) son, when he was small and at his worst, did not "get" it. My daughter was using drugs so she was in her pious "I don't care what I did, you should not have called for help. I was handcuffed" mode. She did not see that we were worried sick for her and trying to help, not until she was clean and much older (sigh).

 

[Liahona]

I wonder if it would change ex's wife's willingness to have Carson come live with them if you pointed out that if one of your or her kids gets hurt know that they know about Carson's knife incident they could get all the kids taken away by cps for failure to protect. That is if they don't do things like lock up all the knives.

Also, getting a therapist to put on paper that being an only child would be best for him at this point in his life might give any lawyer you get some wiggle room to change the court order. But it might back fire on you when you try to get custody of the other kids.

by the way, I think you might have used a child's real name in your post.

 

[STRESSEDTOMAX]

What's wrong about using our kid's real names if we want to?

 

[TeDo]

Stressed, it's not that we can't it's that some of us would rather not for security reasons. Liahona was just pointing it out to Chaos in case it was an accident and she didn't intend to do that. It's everyone's personal choice. Wth all the hackers and "nosy nellies" out there, no one can google a name and come up to this site for the wrong reasons. People have a lot of "negative" people out there that would use any and all information for the wrong reasons so most of us prefer not to use any real names. We want this to stay a safe place.

 

[Chaosuncontained]

I will admit that all four of my kids names start with C's and mine with an M--ok, mine really IS Martie lol

I have never said anything on this board that I would be ashamed to state in open court, at a doctor's office or in front of my EX or current spouse but I understand some members for keeping everything secret. It's your own choice--some just "forget" to use the "code name" and like to be reminded so it can be changed.

 

[buddy]

I was actually shocked at how many hits come to posts here. I was worried abt a poster a while back she was very upset and listed her name and kids -first& last -school, social service names and her cps worker etc so I asked mods to chk. And googled the social worker. Just. Curious ...and sure enough her name popped up on this post. It was my phone when I googled it .. so a new search..i dont think cookies ....I just was curious if real names would lead others to this site. Of course it was first and last.

 

[DammitJanet]

lol...I have always used real names too and dont worry but I understand some do.

 

[TerryJ2]

Somebody here, fairly new, came up with-a clever idea ... she named the family after characters in a novel. Who is it ... I can't remember.

Chaos, I feel so badly for that teacher.
I hope your son "gets it" about the knife incident. It's got to sink in eventually.

 

[buddy]

Chaos, I forgot I was going to share how I present things to people (and it helps those who, like your son's teacher sounds, really want to help). I remind them to work hard to not take the actual words he says personally. To realize that he needs them to be his heroes and to listen to what he is communicating not how he is saying it.

If he is calling her names, was his real meaning ..... I am at my limit? I can't do one more thing? I dont understand any of this? I am hungry? I am in pain? I just feel mad? etc. Often this is a sign of needing a break. Instead of feeling defeated, I use moments like this with students to help me figure them out. What was each thing that lead up to this moment. How many minutes working on this without a break? How long since last snack/meal? What time in the day compared to medication times? Use those moments as times to record things and be thankful for the clue to start puzzling thru the behaviors in order to help. Be glad it happened with HER so something constructive can come out of it. Tell her that if at any time she feels overwhelmed she can vent to you and you will understand that she is not mad, but just needs to say how hard it is, and tell her you may need that from her too. (IF you can trust her that is)

It has helped me develop some amazing relationships with people we work with... teachers especially.

Just one way to try things, if it does not feel right I understand. But I think genuine support of them, admitting you know it is really hard and can feel like you are getting no where etc.... really does make a difference. These are not the kids they thought they would teach when they went to college, to be honest. Few teachers think they will be cussed at and have kids who sound so disrespectful with typical consequences and rewards not helping. But they dont get to pick and choose only the "fun" disabilities to work with. Time for the system to change and realize these kids are every bit as deserving. That is not her fight right now, she just needs support to work with your one deserving and challenging son.

 

[Malika]

Somebody here, fairly new, came up with-a clever idea ... she named the family after characters in a novel. Who is it ... I can't remember.

You are perhaps thinking of BellJar, who had children named Poe, Louisa May and Salinger, though she never actually said whether these were fictitious or not

Chaos, my own feeling about this is that he may not have any continuing problem with knives, though obviously you must not be complacent and it would be wise to take precautions. It was spontaneous, impulsive, just what he did in the moment. You more you get him to try to acknowledge the error - as I know from my own difficult child - the less he will seem to do so and the more resistant he will become. But he has absorbed the lesson very thoroughly, of that you can be sure.

 

[DammitJanet]

I was a very lucky person who never had to put any sharps away. People here even thought we had lost our ever loving minds because we kept guns in the corner of the living room with the ammo in the drawer right next to it. After one gun got stolen, we have moved them to a closet but the ammo is still right there with them. We are raising the grandchildren to know what guns are and they are a no no. From age two Keyana could tell you in her two year old talk, Papa gun, it not a toy. It go bang and me no touch.

We never had any issues with the boys using anything as weapons...maybe because they knew what weapons were. Jamie and Cory were both shooting shotguns by the age of 6 at turkey shoots. Im glad that was one thing we missed.