My 8 year old pulled a knife on his 12 year old sister yesterday

[mik888]

Hi all,

I'm new here...I'm reaching out as Im trying to develop a strategy to deal with my sons anger issues. He's got impulse control issues and anger issues but yesterday things escalated and he threatened his sister with a kitchen knife. It's the first time but clearly this is very serious.

In context he has always been quick to feel rejected and jealous and insecure. He is very close to his mother (I'm the dad) and frets if she's not around. He has tantrums perhaps once a week where he crys with anger uncontrollably for perhaps 20 minutes. In these situations I give him time out in his room. I don't punish him physically but I do get frustrated and raise my voice when he is heading towards a fit. Sometimes I can stop his outburst or minimize it's vurousity. He is a middle child and his older sister does tease him alot and he in turn is a bit of a bully but not over the top. Mostly he sees himself as a victim.

I've been concerned for quite some time and I do try to talk things through with him when he is calm. He's a highly intelligent boy, has insight but can't seem to move from his victim state. He is easily frustrated which quickly leads to anger.

I'm a counselor/ social worker and I'm not big on psychiatric assessments or psyc medications.

Your thoughts beyond medical interventions would be appreciated

thank you

 

[Crayola13]

With summer coming soon, it might help to send both kids to separate summer camps to take a break from each other. Your son might benefit from counseling or some type of activity to fill his time and channel his energy into. Does he behave that way at school? Is he involved in any clubs or sports?

 

[mik888]

Hello Crayola,

Thank you for your reply. He is an angel at school and very popular and outgoing. We live in the Philippines so camps are not really an option here. I'm trying to set more one on one time with him and he does have interests that I could try to nurture more. He's into painting and nature. He has a cat that is his best friend. He does run around alot. We have a pool and bikes which he uses alot.

We had a family meeting yesterday and that seemed to go well. He's an angel until he flips.

I was thinking of sending him to karate lessons which he is interested in but I'm a bit nervous about that given his recent behaviour.

Were moving to a small island olin 2 months where he can run around alot more and I'm hoping this will help.

Thanks

 

[Crayola13]

Let him know that past a certain point, kids get the same treatment as everyone else. Show him the examples of minors in the system. Explain that there are consequences in the real world for the threat and the actions. Let him talk to some people with experience in foster care and juvenile justice systems. Make sure he knows who else is in these places and what he might be predisposed to. Family counseling might help. If he isn’t acting this way at school, something at home is triggering his anger. If it’s his sister, get them into counseling and limit their time together until they learn to get along with each other.