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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 626016" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>What a wonderful and inspiring post COM, you really have done so much work on yourself........you mapped out your strategy and you followed it wholeheartedly......... and it's working.</p><p></p><p>Perhaps, as long as we are mothers, there may be "more work to do" about our difficult child's, but if we continue to choose life, to choose ourselves, we can have a good life worth living in spite of our difficult child's and their choices.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I think that is a profound realization. It is our expectations which cause so much suffering and disappointment. We want so much for them to be okay, for them to thrive under the conditions we thrive under, but usually, they don't. Accepting my daughter for who she is, for the choices she continually makes has been the toughest thing I've ever had to do. To look at her without judgement, without resentment, without anger and just accept that she is in her own destiny...........<em>and I don't get to fix it.</em> No small feat for us parents.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes I know how that feels. There is quite the razors edge between waiting for them to change and hope. I am not sure I always knew that distinction, but I do know that it's hard to figure out. For me, I had to let go of hope. Hope kept me waiting for her to change. Not that I don't believe in miracles or that people change, because I do. But that hope ended up being a destructive thing.......for me......... I am not advocating anyone else do that, that is just what happened for me.</p><p></p><p>This quote by T.S. Elliiot helped me with hope........</p><p></p><p>I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope</p><p>For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love,</p><p>For love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith</p><p>But the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting.</p><p>Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought:</p><p>So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.</p><p></p><p>I don't feel hopeless, that's different, I just don't feel hope. For me, it is what it is and it may always be this way. I just had to let go on so many different levels. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That's so positive COM, exactly what we are all doing here, moving forward..........YAY for you.........you done good.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 626016, member: 13542"] What a wonderful and inspiring post COM, you really have done so much work on yourself........you mapped out your strategy and you followed it wholeheartedly......... and it's working. Perhaps, as long as we are mothers, there may be "more work to do" about our difficult child's, but if we continue to choose life, to choose ourselves, we can have a good life worth living in spite of our difficult child's and their choices. I think that is a profound realization. It is our expectations which cause so much suffering and disappointment. We want so much for them to be okay, for them to thrive under the conditions we thrive under, but usually, they don't. Accepting my daughter for who she is, for the choices she continually makes has been the toughest thing I've ever had to do. To look at her without judgement, without resentment, without anger and just accept that she is in her own destiny...........[I]and I don't get to fix it.[/I] No small feat for us parents. Yes I know how that feels. There is quite the razors edge between waiting for them to change and hope. I am not sure I always knew that distinction, but I do know that it's hard to figure out. For me, I had to let go of hope. Hope kept me waiting for her to change. Not that I don't believe in miracles or that people change, because I do. But that hope ended up being a destructive thing.......for me......... I am not advocating anyone else do that, that is just what happened for me. This quote by T.S. Elliiot helped me with hope........ I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love, For love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith But the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting. Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought: So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing. I don't feel hopeless, that's different, I just don't feel hope. For me, it is what it is and it may always be this way. I just had to let go on so many different levels. That's so positive COM, exactly what we are all doing here, moving forward..........YAY for you.........you done good. [/QUOTE]
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