Update on us

[mattsmom27]

Well since my last post about my mother and brother trying to have me falsly arrested, I haven't heard a peep from either of them, which is just how I like it. However within days of that I got a nasty threatening letter from easy child's father threatening me with a custody battle, all because I had asked him to pay off an old bill (one of two, I would pay the other one which incidentally was over $3000, the one I asked of him being under $1000) incurred when we were still together. I fired off a disgusted email response to his lawyer saying fire it up, I have no doubt our access order will stay same with me with custody, I am very generous and good about access to him with our daughter. I also mentioned perhaps he wants to rethink firing up this type of garbage considering he is paying a joke of support ($12.50 a week!) but living in a $250K house, van, brand new car, multiple holidays each year, 3 businesses etc and I would love to see his income tax returns to get my proper amount of support. How shocking that I have not been served with court documents :wink:

Had a occupational therapist from the school board come to the house today to meet alone with me to complete paperwork for a application for a assisted device for difficult child that would be purchased for him before he starts high school in September. So far it looks like it is going to fly through the approval process. difficult child also had some testing to see if a device would assist him and was logged at a typing speed of 47 words a minute, in grade 8!!! So it looks as if they will be buying him a brand new laptop. Great for home, but perfect for school with his fine motor delays and hand tremors which make note taking etc next to impossible on a good day! This definitly made my day.
Mid appointment, my door opens and a paramedic came flying in the door. Turned out he had the wrong address on my street, but he was some yummy eye candy :wink: and I got a girly ego boost when he checked me out head to toe in my kitchen as he apologized for bursting in. I wanted to say, if the patient isn't dying, cup of joe?? :wink: Felt good to be checked out!

Friday is difficult child's birthday. Turning 14! My cousin is home visiting from England and her birthday is tomorrow, so we are doing a joint shin dig with cake, pizza etc and extended family (the non psycho ones!) are all coming. I am so looking forward to having them all here for a special occassion now that difficult child is living home again! He got spoiled, but it was as much a reward for soooo many things as it was a birthday gift. Computer for his room, xbox 360, game, add ons, etc. He will have a friend over to play video games and spend the night on Friday evening, and I will get him a ice cream cake since he will have regular cake shared with our cousin tomorrow night.

2007 is turning out completely different than I imagined it to be, all for the better. My medical stuff is not flaring up so badly right now, it is tolerable. Which makes it so nice since the snow is melted away and I can get out walking again!

This past weekend I went alone to Toronto to visit friends, and had a reunion with an old friend I hadn't seen in 10 years. We all got decked out to the nine's and had dinner at a place where *gasp* ... you need reservations!!! Had a wonderful dinner, there were 6 of us. Danced afterwards with a much older but fun relaxed crowd to 60's music (theme night was 60's). I loved the dancing, and was great to share a few drinks in adult company and laugh and just relax. I didn't talk of the kids all weekend. I just wanted to feel like a woman, not a mom! For one weekend anyhow . While waiting for my bus (I don't drive and Toronto is nearly 4 hours away) I hit the mall and bought a new coat, watch and 2 shirts. I rarely spend money on clothes. It was a awesome and restful weekend. I came home READy to be back home.

Anyhow, I wanted to update on us and say I am still reading and thinking of you all. Sometimes I don't feel I have much to add to those of you still struggling since difficult child is practically easy child at this point, and quite truthfully I have no magic answer how it happened, I doubt it was even anything I did or any service he got. He just "did it", on his own, out of the blue. But I would miss you all so much if I just flew the coop here on the board! So know that I do think of you all and do read and keep up. When I feel I have something actually helpful to contribute, I will definitly post!

Melissa

 

[Stella Johnson]

Sounds like things are getting much better! Glad your psycho family members are keeping their distance. I know how that is. :hammer:

The weekend sounds lovely. I need one of those soon. :smile:

Steph

 

[tiredmommy]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: mattsmom27</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Anyhow, I wanted to update on us and say I am still reading and thinking of you all. Sometimes I don't feel I have much to add to those of you still struggling since difficult child is practically easy child at this point, and quite truthfully I have no magic answer how it happened, I doubt it was even anything I did or any service he got. He just "did it", on his own, out of the blue. But I would miss you all so much if I just flew the coop here on the board! So know that I do think of you all and do read and keep up. When I feel I have something actually helpful to contribute, I will definitly post!

Melissa </div></div>

Melissa, I really don't agree that you have had nothing to do with your difficult child's turn around. You have forced that young man to hold himself accountable and to treat himself, you & your easy child all with the respect you deserve. You never gave up hope & you never wavered in your love and commitment to him. There was no magic answer, but you kept with it and never gave up on him. You share in his successes.
As for having nothing to post about, we all need hope when we are down. You, my friend, are in a very unique position among the membership of this board to offer such hope. Please keep us updated, even if we're struggling and you are not. It's a great service to all of us to read that the lives of our families can improve.

 

[totoro]

I have been reading your posts since I joined and I have seen you go through a lot in just this short amount of time and you definately had something to do with your son doing so much better!!! I don't think he would be doing this well if he were still at his Grandmas ;(
Hopefully you are done with those people!!!

You do have something to add. We do need to hear these great stories. Thanks

 

[mattsmom27]

Awww,thank you all :smile: It is hard to see my role in this, although I surely did hold him accountable HAHA. I guess because it was such a rough long road filled with far too much pain for everyone involved, it is hard to see the forest for the trees when looking back.

Indeed you are also correct that perhaps I can bring some hope to those struggling. This is a good thing! For those needing some hope, and for me who having been a member for about 8 years who doesn't want to give you all up :smile:

As for being done with them all, I'm fairly sure that the door is slammed and sealed shut. difficult child has spent all of 20 minutes with grandmonster since moving home. She doesn't call him, he doesnt' call her. difficult child is not allowed to have his fathers phone number. Nice huh? That makes me sick. He is well adjusted about having both grandmothers and my brother not in his life. He "seems" allright for the most part about his father not having changed one bit, but underneath the surface there is a anger/hurt that he has every right to have. It just makes me sad to know he hurts over anything. Yesterday he recieved a MSN message from his friend in the town where is father is. His father had seen this boy and the boy asked about difficult child, mentioned finding him online later to wish him happy birthday. difficult child's father then told this boy he had sent difficult child a bunch of money for his birthday. difficult child had a pretty bitter laugh saying he had to tell the kid he doesnt' have his dad's number and no, his father didnt' even acknowledge his birthday. He let it go pretty quick though. I think because he spent a wonderful evening surrounded by family that does value and love him. God what little family I have left is small, but we all love each other like crazy. I am so glad we had our gettogether! It was perfect timing for sure.

Anyhow, I will keep in mind that I do have something to offer still *YAY*

Melissa

 

[Lothlorien]

$12.00 per week???? Now that is just disgusting. May the judge burn in hell for ordering such a pathetic amount.

 

[mattsmom27]

ROFL Thank you for a giggle Lotholorien! I wasn't in the mood to fight by the end of our last court battle that was based on pure crapola so I just said god, give him 50 bucks a months, lets see if he can do THAT much! I was just so done with him. Years later i'm kicking my . I could return at any time, no cost to me, to change the situation. I cant' be bothered. But if he wants to flare this all up again? Bet yer booties I'll be getting court indexed support based on household income. Of course he is stupid and hides income in his wife's name. Makes no difference, he can't do that, must report HOUSEHOLD income. Can't make HER pay his support, but if his support based on his and her income is XX amount, he pays XX amount even though they like to think that hiding income under her taxes is going to change anything. This is the moron wastes money on lawyers the way I do on take out coffee lol. Wasted money since no lawyer has clued him in. My response however DID clue him in LOL

 

[tarasmom75]

Unfortunately it doesn't work that way. Her income will not be counted unless it is quite significant (in 6 digits) and that his/their <u>household</u> income is quite substantial to your household income (which includes anyone living with you, married or not).

I went through this and my ex remarried. He's self employed makes close to nothing but she makes 60K+ (if not more). I get a measly 100$ a month and even though I've been in court about it, there's nothing they can do. PLUS if he pays any other items etc, that counts in the amount too. They base it on the T4 slips (in Ontario) and that's that. As for her income, it's listed when we go to court but it doesn't change anything, unless, like I said, she makes LOTS of money - too much for her to make on her own (qualifications, type of job etc) for example. For me, she was/is a financial consultant and her income corresponded to what she would usually make so it ended up being completely dismissed. Whether or not he played with the numbers from his salary didn't make ANY difference.


Maybe it'll go better for you but make sure you've really checked into it. They may have a house, cars etc etc but if it ends up being all credit and comparable costs to yours (a 250K house can have a 900$/m mortgage payment) which is comparable to a rent payment, you won't get anything out of it...

It's frustrating but believe me, been there done that.

 

[mattsmom27]

Thanx for the heads up! In fact, she does make a considerable amount of money, very considerable. They messed up big time in trying to hide his involvement in their company. Well the companies were hers. Then they met, moved in, married. He was on their company website as "office manager". He also incorporated his own business in "web design" and tries to dwindle it done "after costs" to a income of $1000 a month. He has not filed taxes showing his position as "office manager". They are also involved with the local school board/ book sales etc. He has been seen publicly by many ppl willing to swear affadavits that he is actively working in that capacity, although they put it all on her income only of course. The child support guideline is just that, a guideline. Most people don't know that you can request that court order support outside the guideline , for example I did that to go lower than the index chart called for originally. It can also go higher than the index chart if you can prove a valid reason why. And yes, they factor in my income. My income is disability income and definitly far below the poverty line. So yes, they court can order higher than the chart calls for on his personal tax returns if there is enough there to speculate he's hiding behind his wife. They canNOT order more say than the $1000 he earns personally a month, as they cannot make his new wife pay his support payments, and nor should she. Luckily for me, the court was aware last time what was going on. Which is why the judge thought I'd lost my mind letting him hide his income that way and asking for a $50.00 a month payment. I can gaurantee that in court I'd be getting alot more than what breaks down to $12.50 a week.