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Update on 'When is enough, enough?'
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 278879" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Now I may not have a popular opinion here, but I am going to share it anyway. If I am wrong, I am very sorry. If you are just not at a point to act, or don't agree, I will support you in any way I can, regardless. 110% support to whatever you decide to do.</p><p></p><p>I think your husband has decided not to deal with difficult child, leaving it to you to do all the doctor visits and therapy and such. </p><p></p><p>I also think he has decided to "throw the girls under the bus". The bus being the emotional and physical storm that difficult child is.</p><p></p><p>I speak from experience in this next bit.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="font-size: 22px"><span style="color: DarkRed">There is no way your 5year old daughter is "over" the sexual abuse. No. Way. Not a chance in Hades.</span></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-size: 22px"><span style="color: DarkRed"></span></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-size: 22px"><span style="color: DarkRed"></span></span></strong><span style="font-size: 22px"><span style="color: DarkRed"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: Black">I am so sorry to have to write that. But I also wonder if he abused the 10 year old. Even if he didn't, both girls need extensive, intense therapy. Just because the 5yo seems okay doesn't mean she is okay. She is just suppressing the event. Which is fairly normal, esp in a house where having your young teen brother at home leads to him burning part of the house and the shed. Or other problems.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 22px"><span style="color: DarkRed"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: Black"></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 22px"><span style="color: DarkRed"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: Black">Your husband NEEDS to check back in to his life. ALL of the kids need him to stand up and deal with the realities of this.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 22px"><span style="color: DarkRed"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: Black"></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 22px"><span style="color: DarkRed"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: Black">You may need to approach a domestic violence facility for help reaching husband on this and for help to let you see how abnormal things are in your family. They SEEM normal because the situation has grown steadily worse, rather than a huge bomb being set off in your life making a sudden change. </span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 22px"><span style="color: DarkRed"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: Black"></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 22px"><span style="color: DarkRed"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: Black">I can say that my husband would have to make arrangements for the stepson for the time he is out of town or whatever. MAybe he can take difficult child with him, andhomeschool him or use a computer curriculum for the school year. </span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 22px"><span style="color: DarkRed"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: Black"></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 22px"><span style="color: DarkRed"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: Black">But i would not accept responsibility for a child who had molested my 5yo. </span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 22px"><span style="color: DarkRed"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: Black"></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 22px"><span style="color: DarkRed"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: Black">And as a 5yo, I would probably decide things were my fault, esp if my abuser was allowed back into my life. I know that with my experience I truly believed it was my fault because my abuse was chalked up to me being "over sensitive". While I was closer in age to your other daughter, I still would bet your daughter will be a target for more abuse (and may have already been the target) of every kind. At least she will end up with intimacy problems and serious self esteem problems that would lead to a lifetime of picking males who would abuse her to have relationships with. </span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 22px"><span style="color: DarkRed"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: Black"></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 22px"><span style="color: DarkRed"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: Black">PLEASE work to get play therapy and other therapies for young children who are abused. It should be free at the domestic violence place. And they will have a list of therapists who deal with this.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 22px"><span style="color: DarkRed"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: Black"></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 22px"><span style="color: DarkRed"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: Black">I know you can't just kick the 13yo out. I truly do. But your husband needs to see this from the view of the victim. HER rights, in my opinion, should be a higher priority. And, actually, getting into a therapeautic residential placement would be the best thing for the 13yo. </span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 22px"><span style="color: DarkRed"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: Black"></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 22px"><span style="color: DarkRed"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: Black">Sending gentle hugs, support and strength. This is such a tough situation.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 22px"><span style="color: DarkRed"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: Black"></span></span></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 278879, member: 1233"] Now I may not have a popular opinion here, but I am going to share it anyway. If I am wrong, I am very sorry. If you are just not at a point to act, or don't agree, I will support you in any way I can, regardless. 110% support to whatever you decide to do. I think your husband has decided not to deal with difficult child, leaving it to you to do all the doctor visits and therapy and such. I also think he has decided to "throw the girls under the bus". The bus being the emotional and physical storm that difficult child is. I speak from experience in this next bit. [B][SIZE=6][COLOR=DarkRed]There is no way your 5year old daughter is "over" the sexual abuse. No. Way. Not a chance in Hades. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/B][SIZE=6][COLOR=DarkRed][SIZE=2][COLOR=Black]I am so sorry to have to write that. But I also wonder if he abused the 10 year old. Even if he didn't, both girls need extensive, intense therapy. Just because the 5yo seems okay doesn't mean she is okay. She is just suppressing the event. Which is fairly normal, esp in a house where having your young teen brother at home leads to him burning part of the house and the shed. Or other problems. Your husband NEEDS to check back in to his life. ALL of the kids need him to stand up and deal with the realities of this. You may need to approach a domestic violence facility for help reaching husband on this and for help to let you see how abnormal things are in your family. They SEEM normal because the situation has grown steadily worse, rather than a huge bomb being set off in your life making a sudden change. I can say that my husband would have to make arrangements for the stepson for the time he is out of town or whatever. MAybe he can take difficult child with him, andhomeschool him or use a computer curriculum for the school year. But i would not accept responsibility for a child who had molested my 5yo. And as a 5yo, I would probably decide things were my fault, esp if my abuser was allowed back into my life. I know that with my experience I truly believed it was my fault because my abuse was chalked up to me being "over sensitive". While I was closer in age to your other daughter, I still would bet your daughter will be a target for more abuse (and may have already been the target) of every kind. At least she will end up with intimacy problems and serious self esteem problems that would lead to a lifetime of picking males who would abuse her to have relationships with. PLEASE work to get play therapy and other therapies for young children who are abused. It should be free at the domestic violence place. And they will have a list of therapists who deal with this. I know you can't just kick the 13yo out. I truly do. But your husband needs to see this from the view of the victim. HER rights, in my opinion, should be a higher priority. And, actually, getting into a therapeautic residential placement would be the best thing for the 13yo. Sending gentle hugs, support and strength. This is such a tough situation. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/COLOR][/SIZE] [/QUOTE]
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