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General Parenting
Update on 'When is enough, enough?'
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 279017" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>My two k ids acted "fine" even while they were being abused. They did hang around the abuser. My daughter told me "I thought it was my fault."</p><p></p><p>I agree that possibly both kids are being abused. I don't mean past tense and one time either. That's what all kids say at first: "It was just one time and he touched me down there." My daughter was penetrated. It hurts me to type this, but when she went for an exam (because the boy was being prosecuted and she had to do--but the people who saw her only saw sexually abused kids and were sooooooooooo kind and gentle)--we found out she had been partially penetrated. And it was far more than one time as our kids had told us even after he left. It took them months to admit it was often and since he had been making visits to our house, even before he'd moved in. </p><p></p><p>I recommend that anyone who has a young sexual predator at home, no matter how sorry you feel for that child because of HIS abuse, remove him from the house. There is no way to watch him 24/7 and he can get better help out of the home. And your other children need to feel validated. My daughter has told me many times how grateful she is that the boy was sent away and then prosecuted. If he were still living here, with our love surrounding him, truthfully I think she'd be a huge difficult child, thinking she had done something to MAKE him abuse her. Ditto for my Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) son whom he also abused.</p><p></p><p>It isn't good for the kids to "forget." Sometimes that causes disassociation or THEY abuse later on and they don't even know why. I would take the kids and leave and let husband be in denial on his own. To me it would be a no-brainer. I'd be gone, even under difficult circumstances.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 279017, member: 1550"] My two k ids acted "fine" even while they were being abused. They did hang around the abuser. My daughter told me "I thought it was my fault." I agree that possibly both kids are being abused. I don't mean past tense and one time either. That's what all kids say at first: "It was just one time and he touched me down there." My daughter was penetrated. It hurts me to type this, but when she went for an exam (because the boy was being prosecuted and she had to do--but the people who saw her only saw sexually abused kids and were sooooooooooo kind and gentle)--we found out she had been partially penetrated. And it was far more than one time as our kids had told us even after he left. It took them months to admit it was often and since he had been making visits to our house, even before he'd moved in. I recommend that anyone who has a young sexual predator at home, no matter how sorry you feel for that child because of HIS abuse, remove him from the house. There is no way to watch him 24/7 and he can get better help out of the home. And your other children need to feel validated. My daughter has told me many times how grateful she is that the boy was sent away and then prosecuted. If he were still living here, with our love surrounding him, truthfully I think she'd be a huge difficult child, thinking she had done something to MAKE him abuse her. Ditto for my Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) son whom he also abused. It isn't good for the kids to "forget." Sometimes that causes disassociation or THEY abuse later on and they don't even know why. I would take the kids and leave and let husband be in denial on his own. To me it would be a no-brainer. I'd be gone, even under difficult circumstances. [/QUOTE]
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