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Update on 'When is enough, enough?'
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 279082" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I have to say that I would be out of that house before the end of the day my husband refused to put a sexually abused child's needs ahead of those of the perp.</p><p></p><p>Yup. the PERP. The stepson is a PERP. </p><p></p><p>Chances are your daughters are willing to be around him because then they can appease him in the hopes he will not hurt 1 or both of them again. That is just how it is. My own daughter would go and try to play with Wiz. She was terrified she would make him mad and then he would kill her. He not only threatened to kill her, he TRIED. </p><p></p><p>I still have PTSD from the experience of pulling my 12yo son off of my 8yo daughter's bed because he was strangling her. It was after he thought we were all asleep. He was mad at her. It wasn't sexual, but it was vicious. Arranging a placement for him was tough, he had never been inpatient for anything. The months after that, while he was in the psychiatric hospital were hideous. </p><p></p><p>I KNOW it isn't easy. It actually hoovers. But you AND husband need to put your daughters, THE VICTIMS, and their needs up higher on the priority list than the stepson, the PERP, is. </p><p></p><p>Chances are you will learn all kinds of terrible things after the girls finally feel safe. This situation truly is like an iceberg. You can only see 10&#37; of the issues, the rest is below the water.</p><p></p><p>Even if you have to stay at a domestic violence shelter for a while, it would be worth it. It would show them that they truly matter. It would be a step to get them, and you, the kind of therapies you will all need. </p><p></p><p>But I would totally, one thousand percent, refuse to have the stepson in your home if his father wasn't there. At least home and away while difficult child is home after school until he goes to SLEEP. Not bed, sleep. </p><p></p><p>If husband does leave the boy with you, then call and have him removed at that time. </p><p></p><p>I just start crying when I think of your poor 5yo who has to see the person who hurt her this way every single dang day. I hate hate hate it that the 10yo is also so much at risk. Chances are she is better at keeping quiet about things so he won't hurt her more. Or so he won't go after her little sister.</p><p></p><p>This will be tough on your husband. But sometimes you have to prioritize even your children. And all the attention that difficult child gets, well, the girls see it upset you and husband, change everything you make plans for, etc...</p><p></p><p>So, in their minds, since this guy is allowed to live WITH them, eat with them, watch tv with them, and since his behaviors lead to so much emotional attention, then the girls probably think that you and husband love him more than them.</p><p></p><p>I can pretty much GUARANTEE this. Cause I have been the girls, and I have been the parent with a son who preyed on my daughter. </p><p></p><p>Please get your daughters out of there before they are irreparably damaged.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 279082, member: 1233"] I have to say that I would be out of that house before the end of the day my husband refused to put a sexually abused child's needs ahead of those of the perp. Yup. the PERP. The stepson is a PERP. Chances are your daughters are willing to be around him because then they can appease him in the hopes he will not hurt 1 or both of them again. That is just how it is. My own daughter would go and try to play with Wiz. She was terrified she would make him mad and then he would kill her. He not only threatened to kill her, he TRIED. I still have PTSD from the experience of pulling my 12yo son off of my 8yo daughter's bed because he was strangling her. It was after he thought we were all asleep. He was mad at her. It wasn't sexual, but it was vicious. Arranging a placement for him was tough, he had never been inpatient for anything. The months after that, while he was in the psychiatric hospital were hideous. I KNOW it isn't easy. It actually hoovers. But you AND husband need to put your daughters, THE VICTIMS, and their needs up higher on the priority list than the stepson, the PERP, is. Chances are you will learn all kinds of terrible things after the girls finally feel safe. This situation truly is like an iceberg. You can only see 10% of the issues, the rest is below the water. Even if you have to stay at a domestic violence shelter for a while, it would be worth it. It would show them that they truly matter. It would be a step to get them, and you, the kind of therapies you will all need. But I would totally, one thousand percent, refuse to have the stepson in your home if his father wasn't there. At least home and away while difficult child is home after school until he goes to SLEEP. Not bed, sleep. If husband does leave the boy with you, then call and have him removed at that time. I just start crying when I think of your poor 5yo who has to see the person who hurt her this way every single dang day. I hate hate hate it that the 10yo is also so much at risk. Chances are she is better at keeping quiet about things so he won't hurt her more. Or so he won't go after her little sister. This will be tough on your husband. But sometimes you have to prioritize even your children. And all the attention that difficult child gets, well, the girls see it upset you and husband, change everything you make plans for, etc... So, in their minds, since this guy is allowed to live WITH them, eat with them, watch tv with them, and since his behaviors lead to so much emotional attention, then the girls probably think that you and husband love him more than them. I can pretty much GUARANTEE this. Cause I have been the girls, and I have been the parent with a son who preyed on my daughter. Please get your daughters out of there before they are irreparably damaged. [/QUOTE]
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