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General Parenting
Update on 'When is enough, enough?'
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<blockquote data-quote="Burndoubt" data-source="post: 279260" data-attributes="member: 7493"><p>I have to say thanks again to everyone for their advise, prayers & good intentions.</p><p>I know that even my neighbor, who shredded me on my doorstep for "allowing" difficult child to live here, still had good intentions. My best friend 2 states away, is questioning my parenting skills and mental status. I much better understand why so many abused women DON'T speak out. Open your big mouth, and that's what you get. That's the IBSC talking (My Mother calls it the Itty Bitty Sh!++y Committee, aka negative thoughts), I know, but it's always hard to hear, true or not.</p><p>I know, no matter how hard it is to hear, that people care, and that my children need to be safer than they are right now. Sometimes, it just really, really hurts to hear some of it. Let me assure you, I AM working on making big changes here. Some of them are taking longer than they should, but I'm doing my damndest. </p><p>Just wanted to clear up a couple of items that I hadn't mentioned earlier.</p><p>easy child 2 (little easy child) sleeps on her toddler bed in Mom & Daddy's room at night.</p><p>We regularly talk about NOT keeping secrets, and what the definition of a secret is (which is never the same 2x for a 5 year old). We talk about how ANY part of her, from the hairs on her head, to the tips of her butt kicking boots (a charming term she picked up from easy child 1) is hers & hers alone, and how NOBODY, NOHOW has the right to touch her. She lives to tattle. *wry grin* Which can be a little annoying at times, but forgivable. Yelling, biting, kicking & screaming is encouraged on that one, if anyone touches her, ESPECIALLY her brother. She yells if he musses her hair. We talk about good & bad touches. She remembers what happened. She remembers she didn't like it. She understands her brother was WRONG in doing what he did.</p><p>I understand that none of this guarantees that it hasn't happened again, and it makes me sick.</p><p>easy child 1 (our 10 year old) was asked by CPS whether difficult child had touched her, assaulted her, looked at her funny. Her response? "You'd have known if he had. He'd be missing teeth and a scrotum by now."</p><p>*grins proudly* That's MY kid! *chuckles wryly* She showed me a few of the self-defense moves she'd picked up in a class she took. Thankfully, she's much more coordinated than I am, with quicker reflexes. I still have that frustrating PTSD deer-in-headlights slow-mo reflex action when I'm scared.</p><p>THE GOOD NEWS!! </p><p>difficult child's counselor called (FINALLY!!) last night. He's reccomending putting difficult child in a Residential Treatment Center (RTC)! Hubby's been fighting me on it, but after hearing him praise the counselor for so long, I'm anxious to see how what he does with the reccomendation. husband will be taking difficult child in to the counselor at 8:15am tomorrow to discuss it. I'll be there on speakerphone from home (easy child 2 won't be in school yet @ that time). I kept the pictures difficult child drew of his suicidal thoughts, even though husband refused to look at them, telling difficult child to throw them away. I snagged them from the garbage. Scanning & e-mailing them to the counselor with the understanding that he's NOT to discuss it with husband.</p><p> </p><p>Also, yes, I have been to a women's shelter in my life. And Mom, if you're reading this, I'm sorry, I didn't want you to worry, and we've moved past it. But I have to say, it was a bad experience. I know they're not all like that one, but we'll live in my car before I take my kids into that.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Burndoubt, post: 279260, member: 7493"] I have to say thanks again to everyone for their advise, prayers & good intentions. I know that even my neighbor, who shredded me on my doorstep for "allowing" difficult child to live here, still had good intentions. My best friend 2 states away, is questioning my parenting skills and mental status. I much better understand why so many abused women DON'T speak out. Open your big mouth, and that's what you get. That's the IBSC talking (My Mother calls it the Itty Bitty Sh!++y Committee, aka negative thoughts), I know, but it's always hard to hear, true or not. I know, no matter how hard it is to hear, that people care, and that my children need to be safer than they are right now. Sometimes, it just really, really hurts to hear some of it. Let me assure you, I AM working on making big changes here. Some of them are taking longer than they should, but I'm doing my damndest. Just wanted to clear up a couple of items that I hadn't mentioned earlier. easy child 2 (little easy child) sleeps on her toddler bed in Mom & Daddy's room at night. We regularly talk about NOT keeping secrets, and what the definition of a secret is (which is never the same 2x for a 5 year old). We talk about how ANY part of her, from the hairs on her head, to the tips of her butt kicking boots (a charming term she picked up from easy child 1) is hers & hers alone, and how NOBODY, NOHOW has the right to touch her. She lives to tattle. *wry grin* Which can be a little annoying at times, but forgivable. Yelling, biting, kicking & screaming is encouraged on that one, if anyone touches her, ESPECIALLY her brother. She yells if he musses her hair. We talk about good & bad touches. She remembers what happened. She remembers she didn't like it. She understands her brother was WRONG in doing what he did. I understand that none of this guarantees that it hasn't happened again, and it makes me sick. easy child 1 (our 10 year old) was asked by CPS whether difficult child had touched her, assaulted her, looked at her funny. Her response? "You'd have known if he had. He'd be missing teeth and a scrotum by now." *grins proudly* That's MY kid! *chuckles wryly* She showed me a few of the self-defense moves she'd picked up in a class she took. Thankfully, she's much more coordinated than I am, with quicker reflexes. I still have that frustrating PTSD deer-in-headlights slow-mo reflex action when I'm scared. THE GOOD NEWS!! difficult child's counselor called (FINALLY!!) last night. He's reccomending putting difficult child in a Residential Treatment Center (RTC)! Hubby's been fighting me on it, but after hearing him praise the counselor for so long, I'm anxious to see how what he does with the reccomendation. husband will be taking difficult child in to the counselor at 8:15am tomorrow to discuss it. I'll be there on speakerphone from home (easy child 2 won't be in school yet @ that time). I kept the pictures difficult child drew of his suicidal thoughts, even though husband refused to look at them, telling difficult child to throw them away. I snagged them from the garbage. Scanning & e-mailing them to the counselor with the understanding that he's NOT to discuss it with husband. Also, yes, I have been to a women's shelter in my life. And Mom, if you're reading this, I'm sorry, I didn't want you to worry, and we've moved past it. But I have to say, it was a bad experience. I know they're not all like that one, but we'll live in my car before I take my kids into that. [/QUOTE]
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