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Substance Abuse
update- other shoes going to fall soon
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 571408"><p>Sig, I have been thinking about you today. So hopefully he is renewing some old good friendships and it will help him to want to choose a better path.</p><p></p><p>I have some other thoughts though. First you really have no control over what he does with his life, or what he doesnt do. You cant make him get his life together. This is really about needing to let go of the outcome. It is a gut wrenching process with a kid who is a difficult child but really he is going to do what he wants to do with his life. All you can do is let him know you love him. And you can set limits on what you will allow in your own home, and you can think carefully about ways you are enabling him and stop doing any of those things if you want to. But you cant keep him from wasting his life, doing nothing etc. You can decide how much you are willing to support and let him figure out the rest.</p><p></p><p>From all that you have said about your son, it seems to me he has a lot going for him and will figure it out eventually, but you cant make him do it.</p><p></p><p>So I wonder what this confrontation will be about? I literally wouldnt bother talking to him about blowing off work... he will learn soon enough that doesnt work because he will get fired. I know you dont want him to get fired, but really he will learn the lessons much better if they are not coming from your mouth... because they dont seem to learn from us that way anyways... So take the stress of yourself and dont confront him. You can choose how you will help or not help him... where you give him rides to, if you give him any money or material things, if he continues to live in your home.</p><p></p><p>From where I stand and with my experience I am not sure I would kick him out of the house. First of all by your own admission this will cause YOU great stress and worry. I have to say that having a child who is literally homeless and living on the streets feels awful, it really does. And if you kick him out that is a risk.... that is not to say that I would let my son come home because in my case i would not, but our situations are different.</p><p></p><p>So my thought is say the serenity prayer every minute if you have to... think long and hard about what you can change and what you can't.... and remember you can't change him only yourself. And think about what you are willing to do for him and what you are not.....but make what you are willing to do unconditional. If you have conditions attached then don't do whatever it is.</p><p></p><p>Hugs,</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 571408"] Sig, I have been thinking about you today. So hopefully he is renewing some old good friendships and it will help him to want to choose a better path. I have some other thoughts though. First you really have no control over what he does with his life, or what he doesnt do. You cant make him get his life together. This is really about needing to let go of the outcome. It is a gut wrenching process with a kid who is a difficult child but really he is going to do what he wants to do with his life. All you can do is let him know you love him. And you can set limits on what you will allow in your own home, and you can think carefully about ways you are enabling him and stop doing any of those things if you want to. But you cant keep him from wasting his life, doing nothing etc. You can decide how much you are willing to support and let him figure out the rest. From all that you have said about your son, it seems to me he has a lot going for him and will figure it out eventually, but you cant make him do it. So I wonder what this confrontation will be about? I literally wouldnt bother talking to him about blowing off work... he will learn soon enough that doesnt work because he will get fired. I know you dont want him to get fired, but really he will learn the lessons much better if they are not coming from your mouth... because they dont seem to learn from us that way anyways... So take the stress of yourself and dont confront him. You can choose how you will help or not help him... where you give him rides to, if you give him any money or material things, if he continues to live in your home. From where I stand and with my experience I am not sure I would kick him out of the house. First of all by your own admission this will cause YOU great stress and worry. I have to say that having a child who is literally homeless and living on the streets feels awful, it really does. And if you kick him out that is a risk.... that is not to say that I would let my son come home because in my case i would not, but our situations are different. So my thought is say the serenity prayer every minute if you have to... think long and hard about what you can change and what you can't.... and remember you can't change him only yourself. And think about what you are willing to do for him and what you are not.....but make what you are willing to do unconditional. If you have conditions attached then don't do whatever it is. Hugs, TL [/QUOTE]
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