Update talked to therapist....

[toughlovin]

Well I am going to sleep well this weekend. I have been sleeping well this last week but I talked to my sons therapist at the residential section and it just felt good and reassuring to talk to her, get a bit of a read on how my son is doing and to know he is stil there and safe.

Apparently he is doing fine, has been cooperative and appropriate. He seems a bit depressed and probably anxious as most people are when they get out of detox... new place, new people and of course he does not have substances to cover up those difficult feelings.

I did ask her what he had to detox from.... all I knew for sure he was using was spice. Her comment was you don't need to detox from spice, although it can cause brain damage. Great. But he was detoxing from alcohol. Which means he must have been drinking a lot of it.... but I am relieved it was alcohol and not heroin.

Apparently he has acknowledged he has a problem and has messed up his life. So that is good.

Apparently he does not have his phone but i could call him. I said I was willing to do that but that I want this to be his journey and i don't want to intrude or try to run it..... and she agreed that I should wait until I hear from him.

I did put some money into his patient account for hygiene stuff etc... but that account is very much controlled by the place.

So anyway it is a good start to the weekend.

TL

 

[DDD]

I'm glad you are happy with the info received and sure hope you have a restful weekend. Hugs DDD

 

[AmericanGirl]

TL, that is wonderful. I know you will rest easier.

Loved your comment about it being his journey. Never thought of it that way but you are so right!

 

[buddy]

Glad you have a little peace of mind and that he is in a good facility. HUGS

 

[rejectedmom]

Lullaby and good night ... Sleep well my friend! -RM

 

[Zardo]

Sounds like he is safe and ready to start working. You may find comfort in reading Intervention Anything but My Own Skin by Chad Hepler - he takes you day by day through his rehab experience including flashbacks to his days of use - it helped me understand what was happening when mine was in wilderness - enjoy your peace this weekend

 

[Nancy]

TL this sounds like the best place of all he's been in. They are doing things right. My difficult child could not make calls for two weeks but we could call there and she could talk for ten minutes. He is concentrating on what he should and I agree you shouldn't call for a while.

You deserve to have a good night's sleep. I am so glad he is there. Every day his thinking will become clearer.

Nancy

 

[AmericanGirl]

I heard a great quote on an Alanon phone meeting tonight.....Don't dial pain.

When tempted to touch base with my difficult child when it isn't necessary, I need to remember that. It is just so hard. You want the old easy child to pick up.

 

[toughlovin]

Thanks all... yeah I feel good about this place.... but who really knows.

You know I realized today I don't want to call because I really don't want to give him the opportunity to complain about the place... he might not do that, he doesn't always do that but often he does. I am sure he would find a way to contact us if things were really terrible but even in that case what would or could we do? I really really think the right thing for us at this point is to leave him be.

My husband has a business trip in mid March a couple hours drive from where he is. He is wondering about going to visit and of course needs to make his reservations. I really don't see how he can plan on it right now. I doubt my son would refuse a visit... and yet it just feels to me that it would interfere with things right now.... maybe two weeks from now things will be different but I don't see how we can know.

TL

 

[Kathy813]

I heard a great quote on an Alanon phone meeting tonight.....Don't dial pain.

I love that quote. I think we often set ourselves up for pain by trying to keep in touch and/or keep track of what our difficult child's are doing. It really is easier not to know. I guess that is part of the process of learning to detach.

TL, it sounds like your difficult child has found a place where he can really get the help that he needs. I'm so happy for you.

~Kathy

 

[Nancy]

Do they have a parent program? If they do then the therapist should tell you when she thinks he's ready for a visit.

Nancy

 

[DammitJanet]

Dont dial pain. Oh that hits me hard. So hard. I have a huge problem not wanting to call people who I think will cause me pain and that even includes Keyana right now. She is not very good at talking on the phone so she only talks for maybe 3 or 4 minutes and then she is ready to hang up. It hurts my heart so badly that my she is gone because she was so very special to me...she is (or was) my heart from the time she could wrap her little fingers around it. Now it feels like...Dont dial pain.

 

[toughlovin]

I like that don't dial pain...at least when it applies to loved ones who are addicts who you know will lie to you. I do think of other people that may be in our lives where even if it hurts it is still worth the phone call.

And yes Nancy I think they do have a parent program.... and I will ask about that on our next call. I have this fantasy about going down at some point and having some magical family therapy session that will somehow resolved the issues between us.... lol... that probably won't happen. I really think in a way we just need to let him sit in his own juices, feel his own pain, get help from others who are more objective than we are. I really feel he knows we love him and he is so in the habit of taking advantage of our love that he will revert to manipulating us in some way and that wont help him right now. Detachment is what is called for I guess.

TL

 

[Nancy]

I agree TL, it's good that he can't call you everytime things get uncomfortable. He needs to work through things himself right now.

Nancy

 

[exhausted]

TL, I'm glad he is there. One day at a time. I hope he will be ready to see you and husband and that they have a way for you to have a family session. I think it is good to have these when possible. I know that without a mediator, talking to our difficult children can be a whole bag of trouble. I'm sure he knows you love him. Stopping those old patterns of manipulation and lies is so hard. I don't think they enjoy it either but it is the habit they have formed to keep using and doing what they want. Enjoy peace and try to not to worry about the future.

 

[Signorina]

TL so glad he is there, safe and sound and so glad you have a rapport with the facility. What a relief it must be!!

I can relate to the fantasy of a family session. I have those often & my difficult child has no interest in getting help! I think the lure for me is the fantasy of getting to ask him "what the hell were you thinking", "why on earth did you/would you...", "how???" and get some answers. Of course, I'd love a little crow eating ultimately reuniting us into a happy family unit...

I hope your eventual family sessions
will bring you peace & real answers. And I especially hope this rehab trip will be the turning point!