Update to my NO thread

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by DammitJanet, May 15, 2008.

  1. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well my family isnt very happy with me but Im not in the mood to care very much. I feel rotten, I hurt and I have the headache from hades.

    I laid down the law and all I heard was how "they" all have been doing all they can blah blah blah. I said well they will all be doing more or they can find out how much more they CAN do because I wont be here at all. I told them that I have been telling them for a year now that they have been slowly killing me but no one believed me and now its coming true. They can choose to believe me or not but Im dead serious that Im stopping being everyones doormat. Tomorrow Im making up signs to go in the various rooms in the house pointing out what should be obvious to grown people...like...If you see dirty dishes in the kitchen...Wash them. Pick up after yourselves. Take out the trash. Wash clothes. Simple stuff really.
  2. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    good for you. Sometimes we have to point out the obvious. I don't know how many times I have asked my husband to put the laundry away. Hellooo, there is a pile of clean laundry the size of the statue of liberty!!

    Isn't that obvious enough?????
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Good for you Janet. I hope they get the message. You shouldn't be having to do everything. Not with so many grown ups there with you.

    I can say that cuz I have the same problem around here. Only I don't do anything anymore. I wash MY clothes. I keep MY stuff picked up. I'll do dishes if I have time or need them to eat on, otherwise they can sit there for someone else to do. I'm not killing myself for a bunch of grown ups.

  4. ML

    ML Guest

    Janet you go!! I am proud of you for taking this essential step of protecting your boundaries.
  5. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Good for you, Janet! I was going to suggest last night that you make up a chore list for everyone and post it...didn't think that would go over too well with the men in your house. I like the reminder notices. Good idea.
  6. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Now comes the hard part. Letting them fail. (cause I bet good money they will).

    Stick to your guns. Pick a few things you will allow to pile up to gross mountains and walk away. Let the piles build. YOU CAN DO IT! And SO CAN THEY, SO MAKE THEM!
  7. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I'm glad you finally stood up for yourself. It's going to be hard because they'll expect you to give up and continue doing everything. Maybe some of those signs should say, "Janet needs help. She can't do everything anymore." They aren't really for the rest of your family, they're to remind you why the messes are what they are.

    In the meantime, you rock!!!!
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Shari is right -

    The hard part is coming.

    Glad you stood up for yourself Janet.

    If you don't take care of yourself who will?

  9. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand


    Way to go Janet!

    Good thinking. Big poster boards for each place. A list of what gets done for each room like Wynter said a chore list so they know clearly. I think it will help you know that there are no questions for how and what "you" do.

    A big one for by the door/phone stating for them to scheduling carpooling, or timing their rides too so you are Occupational Therapist (OT) "mom's taxi" and can get the rest your body so dearly needs. Maybe it will start feeling a little better too (assuming YOU actually will rest when and if you do have the free time).

    Oh a thought, keep yourself a set of dishes, a glass, silverware, mug, and towels clean and hide it so that at all times YOU have something to use for yourself just incase THEY don't follow through!

    Like meow said, a few positive reminders too about you might be good to "respect Mom/Janet and her needs".

    One big one for your room reminding yourself to hang tough like Shari and Star said " I will be strong and not be defeated" (or what ever positive reinforcement statement).

    Good luck and DO stand strong. This is for you and you know you need this. If not now......WHEN?
  10. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Go Janet!!

    Here's one simple thing I do. easy child has one chore...take out the trash. If he doesn't, I put it on his bed. Same with dishes. You can't really go to bed with all that stuff on your bed. Plus, it stinks. :)

    Take it a piece at a time and they'll HOPEFULLY get the hint that you mean business.

  11. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Good ideas, Abbey! Might have to try that! lol

    For me it was hard to let everything 'pile'. I found myself "putting my foot down" but then once things got gross, there I was, furiously picking it all up again so I could function only to gripe again later! So I had to take a different approach, and I picked one thing to walk away from at a time. My first was the kitchen. They still don't always clean it up like I'd like, but if its not clean and I feel like cooking supper, I'll just walk thru it and say "I'd cook if I had some counter space" or even sometimes "clean it up so I can cook dinner". They're doing it now and I'm moving on to another "pile". (Plus my mom's been coming to help and my husband is embarrassd sometimes. It doesn't hurt.) For me, tho, letting everything go at once was too hard.

    We're a far cry from "sharing household chores" but I am well into the process of getting my message across that I will not be the sole one responsible for them. Its a good start. husband cooked supper the other night while I put the starter on my truck. Did dishes, too. Progress. You can do it, too!
  12. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Way To Go, Janet!

    LOL about Abbey's suggestion to put the trash and dishes on the bed. I only did that once, and it was my husband's car ... I piled up 2 wks worth of laundry and just shoved it into his little sports car (I think it was a Toyota Supra but it could have been the RX7). He never said a word about it. Finally, after a wk, I couldn't stand it and asked him if he had taken it all to the cleaners. Yeah, he won. He grinned and said, "Is that what I was supposed to do with-it?" It hasn't happened since.
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well so far it appears no one is taking me one bit seriously! My kitchen looks like a tornado swept through it. I have come to the conclusion that my family cannot read and their educations were for naught. Or they con only read such things as the tv channel listings! Maybe I should put the parental locks on so they can only see cooking and cleaning shows!!!

    I am still on strike however. I am refusing to go by food at the grocery store. If I get the grocery money I will save it to go by McDonalds and get sandwich stuff which doesnt take cooking. Oh and maybe cereal and plastic bowls. Maybe I could get a cooler and keep some sandwich meat in my bedroom along with a loaf of bread...lol. Gosh Im sounding just like my mother now!

    Tony doesnt seem the least bit on board here either. When I mentioned how no one appeared to have read a thing I had posted he said I couldnt expect them to read it...blah blah. That we needed to have a family meeting. When I told him that I had asked him to talk to them, he said he hadnt had a chance to get them all together at one time. I told him he could talk to them individually and he had had the chance to do that. I told him they were all well old enough to do all of this and would have to do these things if they lived alone so they can do it here. He said nothing. I told him I was not going to allow them to kill me and he just doesnt get it. Oh well...time will show them all I mean business.
  14. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Patience. Patience.

    When they run out of food, or clean clothes, or a sofa to sit on to watch TV, they'll come around. Just close your eyes and do what you need for you.

    easy child's bathroom was SOOOOO bad. (First of all, I would never imagined having my own bathroom as a teen.) I refuse to clean it. It wasn't until he had the new girlfriend over that things changed. She was ...OHHHH, that's disgusting!! Now, it's spotless. ;)

    As Nancy Reagan said, "Just say no."

  15. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Those boys of yours are tough nuts to crack. I don't know what to do to make it better other than just going on strike. The downside is then you suffer with a messy house.

    Before I got sick, I was a little (or so) Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) about my house. The more sick I got, the worse the house got. It was embarrassingly disgusting. I don't even want to think about it. You would think that that would clue people in that I wasn't feeling well. But, no, I was told by my then 15 year old son that I was, 'lazy, selfish and irresponsible'. :grrr: Even my mother - cause my son would complain to her and he is the favorite - would say, if you just did a little here and there.... What part of 'I can't' do you not understand? Having the heart attack was validating to me. It was like, see told you I was sick.

    So, I totally feel your frustration. I don't know why it's so hard for those that we love and who love us to understand this.

    Even after the heart attack I'd still go round with my son (difficult child couldn't care less what the house looks like). It wasn't until I got a letter from my doctor saying that I was at least temporarily disabled that he was ok with it. Why do we need a letter from the doctor to tell them what we already know? I think that bothers me more than anything else. Why can't they just believe us? With as much as we have done for our families over the years, you'd think they'd be a little more understanding.

    I guess I'm just really feeling your frustration here.
  16. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Heather I knew you would understand.

    Right now I am thinking the family is going to be mighty hungry at some point this week because at the bottom of the third pamphlet I wrote a small paragraph stating that they were all now adults and should treat the house as if they lived in this house alone. If they wanted to eat they should get together and decide what the meals would be for the week and present meal plans and a grocery list by sunday...lol. So far, none has been presented and I dont think there will be one. I dont think they have read it at all.

    I have gone by the fridge, flipped through the papers, stood there to read them...made hmmming sounds...got out my drink and looked around...then walked away.