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Substance Abuse
Update to my previous drama filled story about daughter
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 747317" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>This is a terribly hard situation.</p><p></p><p>I will tell you what I think although you may not like it.</p><p></p><p>Nobody with half a brain or heart would want to see or hear about the situation your grandchildren find themselves in. And you with them. But that does not mean that you should take an active role to oppose it and intervene. Short of the kids being danger, I do not see how you have any legal standing to take a position (although I am not an attorney.) If you alienate your daughter, what will you achieve? Will it protect the kids or make the situation worse? (Mind you, I am not overlooking the welfare of the kids.)</p><p></p><p>First, everything you know is second-hand, at best. Although your son is entirely believable you did not directly observe what he heard.</p><p></p><p>Second. Your daughter correctly consented that you come and visit. She could just as easily have made it difficult for her child (and you) and refused. You are choosing to go to their territory. While you do not have to respect or like the way they live, you do have to accept it short of violence, neglect or criminality or dangerous conditions. If you cannot accept it, you should not go.</p><p></p><p>Finally. It is no small thing that your daughter and her partner are recovering from heroin. That they have not developed emotionally or matured does not mean that they won't someday. There is the consideration of your daughter's welfare too, that is a factor.</p><p></p><p>I think I would support her and support her children, by doing my best to stay positive, hopeful, <em>and out of it.</em> Your role is as a grandmother and mother, only. It is not your responsibility to fix the situation or to change it.</p><p></p><p>That said, I would have a very, very hard time. It is very difficult for me to be neutral or positive about my son's lifestyle and choices. If he was exposing children to this, I would be heartbroken and angry too. That is why this site is so useful to me. I am able to see myself through other's posts, and what I should aspire to. My best shot is to keep emotion out of it, except hope and love. And to have strong, firm boundaries.</p><p></p><p>My sense is that if you will have a hard time holding your boundaries, you should not go. Boundaries are not only to keep others away, and from hurting us. They are also to keep ourselves in check, and not triggered. In this situation, I would probably be triggered. If it were me, I might stay away and invite my granddaughter to my house or to go on a short vacation away from home.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 747317, member: 18958"] This is a terribly hard situation. I will tell you what I think although you may not like it. Nobody with half a brain or heart would want to see or hear about the situation your grandchildren find themselves in. And you with them. But that does not mean that you should take an active role to oppose it and intervene. Short of the kids being danger, I do not see how you have any legal standing to take a position (although I am not an attorney.) If you alienate your daughter, what will you achieve? Will it protect the kids or make the situation worse? (Mind you, I am not overlooking the welfare of the kids.) First, everything you know is second-hand, at best. Although your son is entirely believable you did not directly observe what he heard. Second. Your daughter correctly consented that you come and visit. She could just as easily have made it difficult for her child (and you) and refused. You are choosing to go to their territory. While you do not have to respect or like the way they live, you do have to accept it short of violence, neglect or criminality or dangerous conditions. If you cannot accept it, you should not go. Finally. It is no small thing that your daughter and her partner are recovering from heroin. That they have not developed emotionally or matured does not mean that they won't someday. There is the consideration of your daughter's welfare too, that is a factor. I think I would support her and support her children, by doing my best to stay positive, hopeful, [I]and out of it.[/I] Your role is as a grandmother and mother, only. It is not your responsibility to fix the situation or to change it. That said, I would have a very, very hard time. It is very difficult for me to be neutral or positive about my son's lifestyle and choices. If he was exposing children to this, I would be heartbroken and angry too. That is why this site is so useful to me. I am able to see myself through other's posts, and what I should aspire to. My best shot is to keep emotion out of it, except hope and love. And to have strong, firm boundaries. My sense is that if you will have a hard time holding your boundaries, you should not go. Boundaries are not only to keep others away, and from hurting us. They are also to keep ourselves in check, and not triggered. In this situation, I would probably be triggered. If it were me, I might stay away and invite my granddaughter to my house or to go on a short vacation away from home. [/QUOTE]
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Update to my previous drama filled story about daughter
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