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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 682147" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>I was thinking this very same thing, Lil, my small house is in a shambles as we rearrange rooms <em>again, </em>for the umpteenth time, but this time , for our easy child. She is 21, and rents here are upwards of 1500 for a half decent place in a half decent area. So we will help her.</p><p></p><p>I cannot do this for my two, they just keep going on a downslide and take total advantage of the situation.They don't see it as an opportunity to step up, to do better. They take it all for granted, feel entitled.</p><p></p><p>It is interesting that this is happening to your son with his room mates. What a paradox and a challenge for him as he has to deal with the very same things we as parents have been dealing with. One has to wonder what is going on inside of his head, why he would allow this to continue as he struggles. He is learning that the "stoners" he chooses for friends aren't really friends he can count on to follow through. Hopefully he will see this sooner than later and take action to stand up for himself.</p><p></p><p>I am thinking that he won't see this, as long as it is <em>your point </em>of contention. He would have to <em>agree </em>with you.</p><p> I think this is a good thing for all of you.</p><p>It is something that you will have to work hard at enforcing. It will most likely not be easy, but I think it is really important that you stick to your word.</p><p></p><p>JMO, but maybe the<em> less you mention his moocher friends</em>, the MORE,<em> he has to think about what is happening, and do something about it.</em></p><p>We have a way of taking on the worries for our kids, then they push that to the side because we are doing all of the fretting for them. It seems to me when you mention the mooching, his response is an irritated "I know, I know." Is the irritation towards his friends, or towards <em>you for talking with him about it</em>?</p><p>Has he given this over to you to worry about?</p><p></p><p>This is his life, his choices.</p><p></p><p>Give the worry back to him so he can decide for himself what to do.</p><p></p><p>Hard to do.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Me, too Lil, but I am also tired of being exhausted......It is a rough journey we are all on. Got to do what we have to, to process all of this.</p><p>We are both at different points on this journey.</p><p>It is hard to know the kids are struggling and let the chips lie where they may. </p><p>Really, really hard.</p><p></p><p>As I read your posts and hear the ring of frustration in them, I am thinking of my own journey with my two, and what I have to work on for myself.</p><p></p><p>It seems a never ending saga, with chapter after chapter. In the long run, I am trying to learn to live my life without being so darned attached emotionally to what is happening to my adult kids.</p><p>How to live and let live?</p><p>Still love deeply, without going down that old rabbit hole?</p><p></p><p>Hang in there Lil, your son is learning.........</p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 682147, member: 19522"] I was thinking this very same thing, Lil, my small house is in a shambles as we rearrange rooms [I]again, [/I]for the umpteenth time, but this time , for our easy child. She is 21, and rents here are upwards of 1500 for a half decent place in a half decent area. So we will help her. I cannot do this for my two, they just keep going on a downslide and take total advantage of the situation.They don't see it as an opportunity to step up, to do better. They take it all for granted, feel entitled. It is interesting that this is happening to your son with his room mates. What a paradox and a challenge for him as he has to deal with the very same things we as parents have been dealing with. One has to wonder what is going on inside of his head, why he would allow this to continue as he struggles. He is learning that the "stoners" he chooses for friends aren't really friends he can count on to follow through. Hopefully he will see this sooner than later and take action to stand up for himself. I am thinking that he won't see this, as long as it is [I]your point [/I]of contention. He would have to [I]agree [/I]with you. I think this is a good thing for all of you. It is something that you will have to work hard at enforcing. It will most likely not be easy, but I think it is really important that you stick to your word. JMO, but maybe the[I] less you mention his moocher friends[/I], the MORE,[I] he has to think about what is happening, and do something about it.[/I] We have a way of taking on the worries for our kids, then they push that to the side because we are doing all of the fretting for them. It seems to me when you mention the mooching, his response is an irritated "I know, I know." Is the irritation towards his friends, or towards [I]you for talking with him about it[/I]? Has he given this over to you to worry about? This is his life, his choices. Give the worry back to him so he can decide for himself what to do. Hard to do. Me, too Lil, but I am also tired of being exhausted......It is a rough journey we are all on. Got to do what we have to, to process all of this. We are both at different points on this journey. It is hard to know the kids are struggling and let the chips lie where they may. Really, really hard. As I read your posts and hear the ring of frustration in them, I am thinking of my own journey with my two, and what I have to work on for myself. It seems a never ending saga, with chapter after chapter. In the long run, I am trying to learn to live my life without being so darned attached emotionally to what is happening to my adult kids. How to live and let live? Still love deeply, without going down that old rabbit hole? Hang in there Lil, your son is learning......... (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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