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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 565464"><p><span style="font-size: 15px">NO! 100 TIMES NO! NoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNo!!!!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></p><p>And if I am wrong; my back up answer is "Who Cares?" </p><p>There is not even a remote possibility that this question could be answered with a "yes". Or even a "maybe" or a "hmmmm".</p><p></p><p>Because I think we all need to make a pact. We are going to stop holding ourselves and our reactions to our difficult child kids under a microscope. I can't take it anymore. </p><p></p><p>I can't take this constant internal dialogue inside my brain of "whatshouldIdo?" occasionally replaced with "what if I express my feelings in a kind supportive manner and it pushes him over the edge?" or "but if I keep quiet; maybe it will make things worse..." and a few times a month "if I go to extraordinary lengths to show him unconditional love and support...he is bound to realize it/reciprocate it/appreciate it....someday" and the place you are now again..."so long is there is a chance that this help could make the difference in his life, I will do it - regardless of the immense personal toll it takes on me"</p><p></p><p>You had 10 paragraphs in your post. NINE of them were about the things you did for your son and/or accommodations you are making for him. My snyopsis of your post:</p><p></p><p>paragraph 1) attended family program</p><p>paragraph 2) Spoke to the rehab place, got the aftercare details</p><p>paragraph 3) Advocated for your difficult child with the above because difficult child is too pigheaded to know and do what is best for himself</p><p>paragraph 4) spent an hour pleading with difficult child to take this opportunity </p><p>paragraph 5) conference call with difficult child during which he berated and verbally abused you</p><p>paragraph 6) the only moment you stop to think about yourself is to ask <em>WAS <strong>I </strong>WRONG? </em>Really? Huh? What the heck?</p><p>paragraph 7) Make plans for a crazy long road trip with a friend NOT TO A SPA OR ISLAND but to get your difficult child where he needs to go.</p><p>paragraph 8) Communicate with rehab AGAIN and offer to pay on a day by day basis.</p><p>Paragraph 9) Acknowledging that you are weary. <em>hmmm I wonder why? you've had enough? </em></p><p><em></em>Paragraph10) Draw a boundary because you need to protect yourself. You've poured so much into your son...(see above) you are running on empty.</p><p></p><p>My dear friend, NO you are not wrong. And we are going to stop putting everything innocuous thing we do under a microscope while we ignore the blatantly HUGE, skyscraper size wrongs and hurtful things that our kids deflect on to us. We are not going to drink their Kool Aid. I am not suggesting we confront them over it...we just continue to detach and try to provide guidance to the path of recovery and health. Yes, that involves swallowing pride and zipping lips, and never letting them see us cry. And while we are expected to overlook their many many wrongdoings, we will not compensate for that by assuming WE must be doing something wrong. </p><p></p><p><strong>WE WILL NOT second guess our own heartfelt, well meaning, loving actions that we take or make in our efforts to save them from themselves!</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>That is our pact. I will hold your hand and you will hold mine and we will not let our kids miserable choices invalidate US. It needs to stop. </strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong></strong>SO:</p><p>NO! 100 TIMES NO! NoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNo!!!!</p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><em>No way, never ever, uh uh uh. (That was a cheer when I was a teen)</em></span></p><p></p><p>Keep posting, we are here. We get it, we care and I think you are an incredible mother. </p><p></p><p>and fwiw - I think the counselor was just trying to prove his loyalty to your difficult child and that he is working for difficult child and not for you. and that's a good thing.</p><p></p><p>many many many hugs</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 565464"] [SIZE=4]NO! 100 TIMES NO! NoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNo!!!! [/SIZE] And if I am wrong; my back up answer is "Who Cares?" There is not even a remote possibility that this question could be answered with a "yes". Or even a "maybe" or a "hmmmm". Because I think we all need to make a pact. We are going to stop holding ourselves and our reactions to our difficult child kids under a microscope. I can't take it anymore. I can't take this constant internal dialogue inside my brain of "whatshouldIdo?" occasionally replaced with "what if I express my feelings in a kind supportive manner and it pushes him over the edge?" or "but if I keep quiet; maybe it will make things worse..." and a few times a month "if I go to extraordinary lengths to show him unconditional love and support...he is bound to realize it/reciprocate it/appreciate it....someday" and the place you are now again..."so long is there is a chance that this help could make the difference in his life, I will do it - regardless of the immense personal toll it takes on me" You had 10 paragraphs in your post. NINE of them were about the things you did for your son and/or accommodations you are making for him. My snyopsis of your post: paragraph 1) attended family program paragraph 2) Spoke to the rehab place, got the aftercare details paragraph 3) Advocated for your difficult child with the above because difficult child is too pigheaded to know and do what is best for himself paragraph 4) spent an hour pleading with difficult child to take this opportunity paragraph 5) conference call with difficult child during which he berated and verbally abused you paragraph 6) the only moment you stop to think about yourself is to ask [I]WAS [B]I [/B]WRONG? [/I]Really? Huh? What the heck? paragraph 7) Make plans for a crazy long road trip with a friend NOT TO A SPA OR ISLAND but to get your difficult child where he needs to go. paragraph 8) Communicate with rehab AGAIN and offer to pay on a day by day basis. Paragraph 9) Acknowledging that you are weary. [I]hmmm I wonder why? you've had enough? [/I]Paragraph10) Draw a boundary because you need to protect yourself. You've poured so much into your son...(see above) you are running on empty. My dear friend, NO you are not wrong. And we are going to stop putting everything innocuous thing we do under a microscope while we ignore the blatantly HUGE, skyscraper size wrongs and hurtful things that our kids deflect on to us. We are not going to drink their Kool Aid. I am not suggesting we confront them over it...we just continue to detach and try to provide guidance to the path of recovery and health. Yes, that involves swallowing pride and zipping lips, and never letting them see us cry. And while we are expected to overlook their many many wrongdoings, we will not compensate for that by assuming WE must be doing something wrong. [B]WE WILL NOT second guess our own heartfelt, well meaning, loving actions that we take or make in our efforts to save them from themselves! That is our pact. I will hold your hand and you will hold mine and we will not let our kids miserable choices invalidate US. It needs to stop. [/B]SO: NO! 100 TIMES NO! NoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNo!!!! [SIZE=3][I]No way, never ever, uh uh uh. (That was a cheer when I was a teen)[/I][/SIZE] Keep posting, we are here. We get it, we care and I think you are an incredible mother. and fwiw - I think the counselor was just trying to prove his loyalty to your difficult child and that he is working for difficult child and not for you. and that's a good thing. many many many hugs [/QUOTE]
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