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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 659444" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Alb, I am glad to hear this, for you and for him.</p><p></p><p>Isn't it such bitter irony that with Difficult Child kids, once we STOP, then they start doing better? Once we find the wherewithal to step way, way, way back, then they step forward. It is so weird and strange to keep telling ourselves, "no, don't DO THAT." </p><p></p><p>But I think, clearly, for most Difficult Child kids, this is the best way forward---for them and for us. </p><p></p><p>It takes tremendous self-discipline and self-control and learning new ways of behaving...creating those new neural pathways...and it continues to feel wrong. I think that is what you are experiencing now---it is working but it still feels wrong.</p><p></p><p>I think following your own instincts here---not your feelings---is the way to go. He has taught you well. Listen to that.</p><p></p><p>Like Suzir said, let a LOT of time go by and stand way, way back...and then see what might happen. It likely will be in fits and starts and not a straight line, so just let it be.</p><p></p><p>Then...maybe one day...you can be more engaged with him. </p><p></p><p>I am hoping the same with my Difficult Child. The other day, I bought an extra 8-pack of paper towels and a case of water. In my mind, it was for him. But after I got home and a few hours went by, I realized I didn't need to give it to him. It's a very small thing, but I can't go back there again. It's not good for him or for me.</p><p></p><p>Bitter that we have to parse such over paper towels and a case of water. But we do.</p><p></p><p>It is what it is. Thank goodness for each other---we all get it. Hang in there and thanks so much for the update. I am praying that he continues moving forward.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 659444, member: 17542"] Alb, I am glad to hear this, for you and for him. Isn't it such bitter irony that with Difficult Child kids, once we STOP, then they start doing better? Once we find the wherewithal to step way, way, way back, then they step forward. It is so weird and strange to keep telling ourselves, "no, don't DO THAT." But I think, clearly, for most Difficult Child kids, this is the best way forward---for them and for us. It takes tremendous self-discipline and self-control and learning new ways of behaving...creating those new neural pathways...and it continues to feel wrong. I think that is what you are experiencing now---it is working but it still feels wrong. I think following your own instincts here---not your feelings---is the way to go. He has taught you well. Listen to that. Like Suzir said, let a LOT of time go by and stand way, way back...and then see what might happen. It likely will be in fits and starts and not a straight line, so just let it be. Then...maybe one day...you can be more engaged with him. I am hoping the same with my Difficult Child. The other day, I bought an extra 8-pack of paper towels and a case of water. In my mind, it was for him. But after I got home and a few hours went by, I realized I didn't need to give it to him. It's a very small thing, but I can't go back there again. It's not good for him or for me. Bitter that we have to parse such over paper towels and a case of water. But we do. It is what it is. Thank goodness for each other---we all get it. Hang in there and thanks so much for the update. I am praying that he continues moving forward. [/QUOTE]
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