I haven't been on here as much lately because I have been in the process of starting a new business and have been working some pretty grueling hours. When I last posted, Difficult Child had been kicked out of our house because he wouldn't work or stay sober. He impulsively jumped on his bike determined to ride to California and bounced around for awhile between CA, the East Coast, and Louisiana. During his travels we sold our house and moved to another town. After long deliberation we decided not to give our new address to Difficult Child. Difficult Child is now living about 45 minutes away and we have gone over to see him a couple of times. He is sharing a small apartment with 3 other people. He has a job, as do his roommates. They do have their share of parties, but he is holding down a job and paying his rent, so it's all good. He says he has been slowly paying down $ he owes for back tuition and has enrolled in 2 classes in the Fall. He's talked for years about going back to school, but this is the first time he has ever actually done anything to make it happen. When I asked him what made him decide to do it, he said he saw that his friends from high school are all graduating from college about now and he knows he doesn't want to live like he has anymore. I don't know how much of that is true, but in any event husband and I discussed offering to help him with college costs and decided not to do anything. If it's all BS we won't be out anything, and if he's telling the truth he will be able to own doing it by himself. For whatever reason, our "helping" seems to have had the opposite effect in the past, so let's not do anything to ($*! it up! But sometimes it makes me very sad, that we can't just help our child like a parent SHOULD be able to help. We have been very, VERY careful about our boundaries, and I wonder if that is healthy or if we are being cruel. I am interested in HIS life, but I really don't want him knowing much about MINE anymore. He doesn't know about the new business, doesn't know our address or home phone, doesn't know our vacation plans...and I don't WANT him to know. If he asks about us in conversation, we steer it right back to talking about HIM. Initially he tried to get more input from us, but now he just asks once and moves on. I am not sure if we are right or wrong, but we feel much more peace knowing that he can't show up drunk or violent on the doorstep. So for now I guess we will keep him at arm's length. It seems strange, like most everything here in the bizarre world of parenting a Difficult Child, but if it feels right that is what we will continue to do.