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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 734628" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I am so sorry for your loss. May she R.I.P. I am sure she is still with you, loving you.</p><p></p><p>Death does change perspective. After my dear father passed it changed what I was willing to put up with just like you. Our life is short and we do not age backwards and we deserve to be treated by all with kindness, especially those we love. If not...it is up to us to decide what to do about it. I will share my philosophy on giving any money to anybody, kids or otherwise.</p><p></p><p>I don't do loans .The fact is people clog up small claims court system, including family members against one another, fighting to get back loans. I give gifts only so that I don't have to fight peole to pay me back. If I can't afford it, I don't give it. I go to a particular social group at least three times a week and have many friends. If I pay for coffee or lunch it is a gift. I helped my daughter buy her house. This was the first time we ever had money to give her and she did not ask, never asked for any. This was for us a big chunk of money and she was very grateful. It was a gift. I don't think I would gift money to even my beloved children if they had a history of abusing it or me. I'm not rich enough to give money to those who don't appreciate it. We don't put our name on their loans either and they don't ask. A few times we bought kids cheap cars....$3000 or so. My hub is a mechanic and old cars last forever here. We have old cars too. But once it is bought it is their responsibility to pay all expenses. We do not share bills or sign with them or expect to get paid back. We give only what we can afford and when it is a surprise, not a demand.</p><p></p><p>It is your time to heal and relax maybe take a vacation. Your daughter is 36. What will she do when you are gone. Obviously she has no monetary sense and will blow through her inheritance. Then who will pay her bills or put their name on her loans? She will have to grow up or do without. And some people blow through even generous inheritances within the year. Heck some blow through lottery wins that way. We love them but we do them no long term favors if we support them. 36 is an age where most adults are on their own and have been for a decade more. Your daughter is not going to change suddenly. She is going to manipulate you and use you until you say no. If you don't say no, that is fine but it is truly a waste of time to expect her to be and do what she never has. If you give her money expect not to get paid back. If you put your credit on the line for her, expect to be the one to make sure the bills are paid on time. Or stop doing it, another choice. Eventually she will be on her own anyway.</p><p></p><p>Again I am so sorry for your lost and hope you now take good care of you for wonderful golden years. Sadly this daughter can not give you the relationship you dearly crave but you can still be peaceful, happy and enjoy your life. We just retired. We bought a boat. We are going to travel. Please spoil yourself. You deserve it. You are a precious, special person.</p><p></p><p>Love and light.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 734628, member: 1550"] I am so sorry for your loss. May she R.I.P. I am sure she is still with you, loving you. Death does change perspective. After my dear father passed it changed what I was willing to put up with just like you. Our life is short and we do not age backwards and we deserve to be treated by all with kindness, especially those we love. If not...it is up to us to decide what to do about it. I will share my philosophy on giving any money to anybody, kids or otherwise. I don't do loans .The fact is people clog up small claims court system, including family members against one another, fighting to get back loans. I give gifts only so that I don't have to fight peole to pay me back. If I can't afford it, I don't give it. I go to a particular social group at least three times a week and have many friends. If I pay for coffee or lunch it is a gift. I helped my daughter buy her house. This was the first time we ever had money to give her and she did not ask, never asked for any. This was for us a big chunk of money and she was very grateful. It was a gift. I don't think I would gift money to even my beloved children if they had a history of abusing it or me. I'm not rich enough to give money to those who don't appreciate it. We don't put our name on their loans either and they don't ask. A few times we bought kids cheap cars....$3000 or so. My hub is a mechanic and old cars last forever here. We have old cars too. But once it is bought it is their responsibility to pay all expenses. We do not share bills or sign with them or expect to get paid back. We give only what we can afford and when it is a surprise, not a demand. It is your time to heal and relax maybe take a vacation. Your daughter is 36. What will she do when you are gone. Obviously she has no monetary sense and will blow through her inheritance. Then who will pay her bills or put their name on her loans? She will have to grow up or do without. And some people blow through even generous inheritances within the year. Heck some blow through lottery wins that way. We love them but we do them no long term favors if we support them. 36 is an age where most adults are on their own and have been for a decade more. Your daughter is not going to change suddenly. She is going to manipulate you and use you until you say no. If you don't say no, that is fine but it is truly a waste of time to expect her to be and do what she never has. If you give her money expect not to get paid back. If you put your credit on the line for her, expect to be the one to make sure the bills are paid on time. Or stop doing it, another choice. Eventually she will be on her own anyway. Again I am so sorry for your lost and hope you now take good care of you for wonderful golden years. Sadly this daughter can not give you the relationship you dearly crave but you can still be peaceful, happy and enjoy your life. We just retired. We bought a boat. We are going to travel. Please spoil yourself. You deserve it. You are a precious, special person. Love and light. [/QUOTE]
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