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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 751237" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>You need to remember that your son's response to you is about him and his issues and not you. Yes, it is hard to remember how disturbed they are. I know it hurts. But they are not.in a place where they can be as loving as we wish. Oh, I feel your pain about these things, but I try to remember this. This is something that hurt us too. Never a sincere or timely thank you. Never a big hug and a "you are the best." Things we craved from the daughter we cherished and spent our lives trying to help. Things our other kids do just because they love us. We so want to have the same relationship with Kay. But Kat is in dark place and love is hard for her to feel and show, as is gratitude.</p><p></p><p>I would not have sent money. Well, not anymore. Rewards did not work, and our therapist finally convinced us that a reward to adults for doing what adults do is demeaning. It took us a while to believe this, but we do get his point now. This is what we did when Kay was little and we had a rewards chart with stars on it that lead to a prize if she had a good week. It did not work then and works less now. At least for Kay.</p><p></p><p>You are s loving parent. Your son is not in a place to show love back, but that is not about you</p><p>Be well. God bless.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 751237, member: 23706"] You need to remember that your son's response to you is about him and his issues and not you. Yes, it is hard to remember how disturbed they are. I know it hurts. But they are not.in a place where they can be as loving as we wish. Oh, I feel your pain about these things, but I try to remember this. This is something that hurt us too. Never a sincere or timely thank you. Never a big hug and a "you are the best." Things we craved from the daughter we cherished and spent our lives trying to help. Things our other kids do just because they love us. We so want to have the same relationship with Kay. But Kat is in dark place and love is hard for her to feel and show, as is gratitude. I would not have sent money. Well, not anymore. Rewards did not work, and our therapist finally convinced us that a reward to adults for doing what adults do is demeaning. It took us a while to believe this, but we do get his point now. This is what we did when Kay was little and we had a rewards chart with stars on it that lead to a prize if she had a good week. It did not work then and works less now. At least for Kay. You are s loving parent. Your son is not in a place to show love back, but that is not about you Be well. God bless. [/QUOTE]
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