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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 69140" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Somebody further up said, 'So, the next time someone says, "Are you their biological mother?" you reply, "Why, did you lose all your paperwork?"'</p><p></p><p>I like that but I'd take it further. You've already had two people hurt you with that ridiculous line and that is two people too many. So plan ahead - make a list of possible answers. Maybe even print the statement onto a card, cover it with contact, and each day write a new, scathing response below using white board pen. Then keep the good ones written down, and keep doing it. Make it a game.</p><p></p><p>Some possible responses:</p><p>"And this is relevant because...?"</p><p>"Why, do you need a DNA sample? Are you so desperate that you need to clone patients?"</p><p>"What do you mean 'biological?' I'm as biological as you are."</p><p></p><p>And so on.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 1's first pediatrician was like this - he made me feel like I was the defective one, making my child psychotic because of my 'imaginary' (in his eyes) illness. He still kept medicating difficult child 1 for the ADHD he'd diagnosed, but he kept telling me that I was the problem, I was mentally ill and I was so seriously mentally ill that I was not only in denial about it, I was even able to fool the consultant psychiatrist I'd gone to for an opinion (to shut up people like this pediatrician).</p><p>I finally said to him, "Why do you insist on seeing me, without my son, when my son is your patient?"</p><p>As I half-expected, he turned on me for having a dirty mind and assuming he (the doctor) had some sinister ulterior motive. But I'd been expecting it and simply replied, "I never hinted there was anything sexual about it -but you just did by accusing me now. What is wrong with you?"</p><p>He then gentled down (patronisingly) and said, "I DID top my year in psychiatry at medication school."</p><p>"I replied that if the psychiatrist could find nothing wrong with me, he should back off. he then accused me of being so desperately ill that I could fool a practising shrink. So I said, "Then if I fooled her, how come I didn't fool you? Do you think there is a chance this is all in your imagination?"</p><p>He sent me away to think about it, saying, "You're an extremely intelligent woman now unable to work due to this condition you've imagined on yourself. This is your way of not having to achieve to your ability, but it also brings depression, which you are now foisting on your son." (mind you, he had just written another ritalin script for this son).</p><p></p><p>So I wrote him a letter saying, "I find it interesting that you say you topped your year in psychiatry at medication school yet you chose to be a pediatrician instead. DId you feel that you didn't have what it takes to be a psychiatrist, and is the resulting depression from failing to achieve your life's ambition now leading you to attack the mothers of your patients?"</p><p>I did say more, with humour, and the idiot then took my letter around and showed it to his colleagues! I made sure that there was enough humour in my letter to make it clear I did not have depression, and that he WAS an idiot.</p><p></p><p>And, of course, we had to move on. The next pediatrician was also a child psychiatrist. And he was weird. We stayed with him for several years even though he was more than just ADHD himself, there was something seriously wrong in the personality disorder area, I think. Whatever it was - he had signs up everywhere saying, "Do things this way," or "I am no longer going to bulk bill because the Health Insurance Commission is in a conspiracy to defraud me and put me out of business."</p><p>Despite his weirdness we would have stayed with him (he was far saner than the previous guy) but he had a full patient load and refused to treat difficult child 3 as well, and I wanted someone who would treat all the kids together. </p><p></p><p>husband was probably intimidated by a male in a position of authority. And from your description, this bloke sounds like our second specialist, the one I just described. And I know he would have intimidated my husband as well. He intimidated me, and that's not easy to do.</p><p></p><p>It's a bloke thing - they tend to avoid confrontations, especially with other males in a more powerful position. It's like the fight I broke up a week ago - two men shouting insults and in each other's faces (one much more so) and t hen the pushing, shoving and thumping began. I shouted at them to stop swearing in front of women and children, and to behave - and it was enough to help others finally step in and break up the fight. There were other men within earshot but none brave enough to step in until I spoke up (or shouted up). The thing is, I was able to do it BECAUSE I'm a crippled woman. A man, or even my son, could have got beaten up. But if they had tried to beat me up - what glory is there in that? Only a great deal of shame.</p><p></p><p>I'm glad you talked to husband. Don't be too hard on him. it's much harder being male, I think. Women have more freedoms, once we learn how to reach out and insist on them.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 69140, member: 1991"] Somebody further up said, 'So, the next time someone says, "Are you their biological mother?" you reply, "Why, did you lose all your paperwork?"' I like that but I'd take it further. You've already had two people hurt you with that ridiculous line and that is two people too many. So plan ahead - make a list of possible answers. Maybe even print the statement onto a card, cover it with contact, and each day write a new, scathing response below using white board pen. Then keep the good ones written down, and keep doing it. Make it a game. Some possible responses: "And this is relevant because...?" "Why, do you need a DNA sample? Are you so desperate that you need to clone patients?" "What do you mean 'biological?' I'm as biological as you are." And so on. difficult child 1's first pediatrician was like this - he made me feel like I was the defective one, making my child psychotic because of my 'imaginary' (in his eyes) illness. He still kept medicating difficult child 1 for the ADHD he'd diagnosed, but he kept telling me that I was the problem, I was mentally ill and I was so seriously mentally ill that I was not only in denial about it, I was even able to fool the consultant psychiatrist I'd gone to for an opinion (to shut up people like this pediatrician). I finally said to him, "Why do you insist on seeing me, without my son, when my son is your patient?" As I half-expected, he turned on me for having a dirty mind and assuming he (the doctor) had some sinister ulterior motive. But I'd been expecting it and simply replied, "I never hinted there was anything sexual about it -but you just did by accusing me now. What is wrong with you?" He then gentled down (patronisingly) and said, "I DID top my year in psychiatry at medication school." "I replied that if the psychiatrist could find nothing wrong with me, he should back off. he then accused me of being so desperately ill that I could fool a practising shrink. So I said, "Then if I fooled her, how come I didn't fool you? Do you think there is a chance this is all in your imagination?" He sent me away to think about it, saying, "You're an extremely intelligent woman now unable to work due to this condition you've imagined on yourself. This is your way of not having to achieve to your ability, but it also brings depression, which you are now foisting on your son." (mind you, he had just written another ritalin script for this son). So I wrote him a letter saying, "I find it interesting that you say you topped your year in psychiatry at medication school yet you chose to be a pediatrician instead. DId you feel that you didn't have what it takes to be a psychiatrist, and is the resulting depression from failing to achieve your life's ambition now leading you to attack the mothers of your patients?" I did say more, with humour, and the idiot then took my letter around and showed it to his colleagues! I made sure that there was enough humour in my letter to make it clear I did not have depression, and that he WAS an idiot. And, of course, we had to move on. The next pediatrician was also a child psychiatrist. And he was weird. We stayed with him for several years even though he was more than just ADHD himself, there was something seriously wrong in the personality disorder area, I think. Whatever it was - he had signs up everywhere saying, "Do things this way," or "I am no longer going to bulk bill because the Health Insurance Commission is in a conspiracy to defraud me and put me out of business." Despite his weirdness we would have stayed with him (he was far saner than the previous guy) but he had a full patient load and refused to treat difficult child 3 as well, and I wanted someone who would treat all the kids together. husband was probably intimidated by a male in a position of authority. And from your description, this bloke sounds like our second specialist, the one I just described. And I know he would have intimidated my husband as well. He intimidated me, and that's not easy to do. It's a bloke thing - they tend to avoid confrontations, especially with other males in a more powerful position. It's like the fight I broke up a week ago - two men shouting insults and in each other's faces (one much more so) and t hen the pushing, shoving and thumping began. I shouted at them to stop swearing in front of women and children, and to behave - and it was enough to help others finally step in and break up the fight. There were other men within earshot but none brave enough to step in until I spoke up (or shouted up). The thing is, I was able to do it BECAUSE I'm a crippled woman. A man, or even my son, could have got beaten up. But if they had tried to beat me up - what glory is there in that? Only a great deal of shame. I'm glad you talked to husband. Don't be too hard on him. it's much harder being male, I think. Women have more freedoms, once we learn how to reach out and insist on them. Marg [/QUOTE]
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