DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Have I told you before about how I am the sole person responsible for everything that goes wrong in this house? If not...let me repeat that. Something good happens then I wasnt responsible and it all just fell into place nicely. But let something bad happen and suddenly "WE" are all worthless pieces of trash who cant do anything right. Everyone else is to blame but TONY!
Now let me put the specifics to this whole thing. His shotgun is missing....again. Lets all remember that this is the third...count them 3...guns that got gone out of this house. And not just from this house but from one specific location that he chooses to put them. Jamie even gave him a locking gun box to keep his stuff in and he doesnt use it! Oh no...he sticks them in a corner that is in full view of our unlocked front door. I/WE are supposed to keep them safe. Ok, yeah...right. He has NO responsibility in this matter at all. Its all falling on me and Cory. I dont think so. I took Cory to court this morning and was back by 9 am. I left at about 11:30 to go pick billy up from school and I never went home. Cory didnt get home till about 3:30 and I was home at 4ish.
I swear I think it was here this morning because I am so conscious of it now and when I get up and walk out of my room, the guns are sitting right in a corner staring at me. I just walked out of the bedroom when Tony got home from getting billy and I saw it missing and I asked him...Tony, did you move your gun? Well it was on. Im worthless, we are all worthless because we cant even keep up with his stuff. Ummmm....why cant he keep up with it? Both Billy and I said we "think" it was here this morning because the spot is fairly obvious when it isnt there. So then I threw it back at him. Was it there when he left for work this morning? He gets up before anyone else does...so since it is so important to him he should have seen it. His answer? He cant be expected to notice it when he gets up at 4:30 in the morning to go to work! Ok...so its only me who is supposed to guard it 24/7. Lovely. When I told him when I was gone today he then said it must have been Cory...ummm...Cory was gone longer than I was. I took him at 8:30 and he never came home till a few minutes before I did.
Its entirely possible that someone knew Cory was going to court and assumed I would be there too so they came over here to get it...but that wouldnt have been possible if it had been put where it was supposed to be put. And just why didnt Tony notice it when he got home from work? Again...Im the one who is supposed to be the all knowing protector of his things. People are in and out of my house a lot. Hence the fact that I own a safe that is bolted down to my bathroom counter top. I just checked my medications that I had left out on top of my safe to see if they had been tampered with at all...nope. All the computers are here, the tv's, everything but his gun. Seems to me that if someone was gonna go through all that they might have at least checked my medications out and stolen some of them that they dont know what they are...considering they all know I have pain problems and some might be for pain.
But whatever...he is ****** off...said it is either me or cory's fault this happened. Cory hasnt left the house since he got home. I know that for a fact. The only people who have been here today while I have been home has been Dallas and his mom is a cop, and Tony's beloved Star. But of course none of them would take it.
Im calling off easter. I wish he had to work out of town. I wish he would move his ass up there with Jamie. Just go...I really dont want him around me anymore. Im tired of walking on eggshells constantly. All this **** does to me is make me want to lash out and hurt someone or something. I either want to destroy everything in my reach or hurt myself or drug myself into oblivion. Please tell my why I need to put up with this? It would be so much nicer to just take all my pills and slip off into someplace nice where Im not the blame for everything. This is just like living with my mother who said I was at fault for everything in her life. I hated that and distanced myself from her as much as possible. Now I have to put up with the same BS from him. Of course, maybe I dont have to take it. If I transferred this house into say...Jamie or Billys name, I could probably get housing for the disabled. I have to do a quick online insurance thing to see how much it would cost for just my car without him being involved with me. I might be cutting things close moneywise but I would get food stamps and all my medical stuff is covered.
Let me go take a quick gander to see where I would stand financially.
Well if it was only me in the house my car insurance would drop to about 103 a month. After all the essential bills are paid I would be left with about 60 a week to buy gas and groceries...sigh. That is provided I got into some public housing for the disabled because I sure couldnt afford rent on top of this...at least not any normal rents. This really *****.
He is really messing me up bigtime.
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Now let me put the specifics to this whole thing. His shotgun is missing....again. Lets all remember that this is the third...count them 3...guns that got gone out of this house. And not just from this house but from one specific location that he chooses to put them. Jamie even gave him a locking gun box to keep his stuff in and he doesnt use it! Oh no...he sticks them in a corner that is in full view of our unlocked front door. I/WE are supposed to keep them safe. Ok, yeah...right. He has NO responsibility in this matter at all. Its all falling on me and Cory. I dont think so. I took Cory to court this morning and was back by 9 am. I left at about 11:30 to go pick billy up from school and I never went home. Cory didnt get home till about 3:30 and I was home at 4ish.
I swear I think it was here this morning because I am so conscious of it now and when I get up and walk out of my room, the guns are sitting right in a corner staring at me. I just walked out of the bedroom when Tony got home from getting billy and I saw it missing and I asked him...Tony, did you move your gun? Well it was on. Im worthless, we are all worthless because we cant even keep up with his stuff. Ummmm....why cant he keep up with it? Both Billy and I said we "think" it was here this morning because the spot is fairly obvious when it isnt there. So then I threw it back at him. Was it there when he left for work this morning? He gets up before anyone else does...so since it is so important to him he should have seen it. His answer? He cant be expected to notice it when he gets up at 4:30 in the morning to go to work! Ok...so its only me who is supposed to guard it 24/7. Lovely. When I told him when I was gone today he then said it must have been Cory...ummm...Cory was gone longer than I was. I took him at 8:30 and he never came home till a few minutes before I did.
Its entirely possible that someone knew Cory was going to court and assumed I would be there too so they came over here to get it...but that wouldnt have been possible if it had been put where it was supposed to be put. And just why didnt Tony notice it when he got home from work? Again...Im the one who is supposed to be the all knowing protector of his things. People are in and out of my house a lot. Hence the fact that I own a safe that is bolted down to my bathroom counter top. I just checked my medications that I had left out on top of my safe to see if they had been tampered with at all...nope. All the computers are here, the tv's, everything but his gun. Seems to me that if someone was gonna go through all that they might have at least checked my medications out and stolen some of them that they dont know what they are...considering they all know I have pain problems and some might be for pain.
But whatever...he is ****** off...said it is either me or cory's fault this happened. Cory hasnt left the house since he got home. I know that for a fact. The only people who have been here today while I have been home has been Dallas and his mom is a cop, and Tony's beloved Star. But of course none of them would take it.
Im calling off easter. I wish he had to work out of town. I wish he would move his ass up there with Jamie. Just go...I really dont want him around me anymore. Im tired of walking on eggshells constantly. All this **** does to me is make me want to lash out and hurt someone or something. I either want to destroy everything in my reach or hurt myself or drug myself into oblivion. Please tell my why I need to put up with this? It would be so much nicer to just take all my pills and slip off into someplace nice where Im not the blame for everything. This is just like living with my mother who said I was at fault for everything in her life. I hated that and distanced myself from her as much as possible. Now I have to put up with the same BS from him. Of course, maybe I dont have to take it. If I transferred this house into say...Jamie or Billys name, I could probably get housing for the disabled. I have to do a quick online insurance thing to see how much it would cost for just my car without him being involved with me. I might be cutting things close moneywise but I would get food stamps and all my medical stuff is covered.
Let me go take a quick gander to see where I would stand financially.
Well if it was only me in the house my car insurance would drop to about 103 a month. After all the essential bills are paid I would be left with about 60 a week to buy gas and groceries...sigh. That is provided I got into some public housing for the disabled because I sure couldnt afford rent on top of this...at least not any normal rents. This really *****.
He is really messing me up bigtime.
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