vent vent vent

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by DammitJanet, Mar 20, 2008.

  1. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Have I told you before about how I am the sole person responsible for everything that goes wrong in this house? If not...let me repeat that. Something good happens then I wasnt responsible and it all just fell into place nicely. But let something bad happen and suddenly "WE" are all worthless pieces of trash who cant do anything right. Everyone else is to blame but TONY!

    Now let me put the specifics to this whole thing. His shotgun is missing....again. Lets all remember that this is the third...count them 3...guns that got gone out of this house. And not just from this house but from one specific location that he chooses to put them. Jamie even gave him a locking gun box to keep his stuff in and he doesnt use it! Oh no...he sticks them in a corner that is in full view of our unlocked front door. I/WE are supposed to keep them safe. Ok, yeah...right. He has NO responsibility in this matter at all. Its all falling on me and Cory. I dont think so. I took Cory to court this morning and was back by 9 am. I left at about 11:30 to go pick billy up from school and I never went home. Cory didnt get home till about 3:30 and I was home at 4ish.

    I swear I think it was here this morning because I am so conscious of it now and when I get up and walk out of my room, the guns are sitting right in a corner staring at me. I just walked out of the bedroom when Tony got home from getting billy and I saw it missing and I asked him...Tony, did you move your gun? Well it was on. Im worthless, we are all worthless because we cant even keep up with his stuff. Ummmm....why cant he keep up with it? Both Billy and I said we "think" it was here this morning because the spot is fairly obvious when it isnt there. So then I threw it back at him. Was it there when he left for work this morning? He gets up before anyone else since it is so important to him he should have seen it. His answer? He cant be expected to notice it when he gets up at 4:30 in the morning to go to work! its only me who is supposed to guard it 24/7. Lovely. When I told him when I was gone today he then said it must have been Cory...ummm...Cory was gone longer than I was. I took him at 8:30 and he never came home till a few minutes before I did.

    Its entirely possible that someone knew Cory was going to court and assumed I would be there too so they came over here to get it...but that wouldnt have been possible if it had been put where it was supposed to be put. And just why didnt Tony notice it when he got home from work? Again...Im the one who is supposed to be the all knowing protector of his things. People are in and out of my house a lot. Hence the fact that I own a safe that is bolted down to my bathroom counter top. I just checked my medications that I had left out on top of my safe to see if they had been tampered with at all...nope. All the computers are here, the tv's, everything but his gun. Seems to me that if someone was gonna go through all that they might have at least checked my medications out and stolen some of them that they dont know what they are...considering they all know I have pain problems and some might be for pain.

    But whatever...he is ****** off...said it is either me or cory's fault this happened. Cory hasnt left the house since he got home. I know that for a fact. The only people who have been here today while I have been home has been Dallas and his mom is a cop, and Tony's beloved Star. But of course none of them would take it.

    Im calling off easter. I wish he had to work out of town. I wish he would move his ass up there with Jamie. Just go...I really dont want him around me anymore. Im tired of walking on eggshells constantly. All this **** does to me is make me want to lash out and hurt someone or something. I either want to destroy everything in my reach or hurt myself or drug myself into oblivion. Please tell my why I need to put up with this? It would be so much nicer to just take all my pills and slip off into someplace nice where Im not the blame for everything. This is just like living with my mother who said I was at fault for everything in her life. I hated that and distanced myself from her as much as possible. Now I have to put up with the same BS from him. Of course, maybe I dont have to take it. If I transferred this house into say...Jamie or Billys name, I could probably get housing for the disabled. I have to do a quick online insurance thing to see how much it would cost for just my car without him being involved with me. I might be cutting things close moneywise but I would get food stamps and all my medical stuff is covered.

    Let me go take a quick gander to see where I would stand financially.

    Well if it was only me in the house my car insurance would drop to about 103 a month. After all the essential bills are paid I would be left with about 60 a week to buy gas and groceries...sigh. That is provided I got into some public housing for the disabled because I sure couldnt afford rent on top of least not any normal rents. This really *****.

    He is really messing me up bigtime.
  2. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Why does he keep them out like that anyway? That would just make me nervous... I grew up in a house with guns, and they were always kept out of sight. But then, we lived in a suburban area and my dad was always paranoid some kid would get hold of it and do something and then he'd be up poop creek without a paddle. And he's right, at least in California that's pretty much how it works.

    Sorry you're getting blamed for crud that's in no way your responsibility. Remind him that when you point your finger at someone else, there are three others pointing back at yourself!

  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Did you see it this morning when you left?

    Now why on earth would a grown man put guns in the exact same place he knows they've been stolen from before? Especially when he has somewhere he can lock them up. Something is more than a bit off here and it isn't you.

    My husband does the same thing with his stuff. Leaves his laptop laying around where the baby and the dogs can damage it. I got so fed up I told him I'm not gonna stop them from tearing it up. And when it happens I'm gonna laugh. He's more than old enough to know better. But he's been doing stuff like this every since I can remember.

    Today it was his car keys. *sigh*

    ((((hugs))))) Janet.

    How would he act if you pretended not to give a hoot about the gun? I mean, it is his fault if it's been stolen. He did have a safe place to put it.

    Although, I do find it strange someone would take the gun and leave the medications and other valuables alone.

    Tony is trying to lay this at your feet. Don't let him. Hand it right back, and then ignore him.
  4. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Again. Really??? First big hugs. Second and I know I am probably not helping but how many children have you raised something like your on your fourth boy with having to raise him too. Sorry you are dealing with this. Let me check my wand to see if it has any power to send a poof of head out of buttamus medicine his way. Do you want a toad or a bunny?

    Many, many hugs.
  5. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    Aw man again? This just happened about a month or two or so ago?! You just don't need this amount of stress. Aren't you still trying to recoop from a fall too? I know it's hard not to let him put it back in your lap. If it were me, this time I'd say "well since you want to blame me and you know there is a safe place to put it, from now on when/if it returns, that's where *I'm* putting it and that's where it's staying! Period". Then if he wants to blame you it will be pretty hard because you know where it will be and it's going to be pretty hard to get it out of there easily.
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Keeping a gun out like that is criminally irresponsible. I know you live in the country, but that is NO excuse. Tony knows better. He also better know YOU are NOT to blame.

    If my husband pulled this ALL his stuff would disappear or be damaged. I can't believe Tony keeps a gun out where any of the neighbor kids can take it (and the neighbors DO take it!). The grandbabies are also at risk with this.

    This one would be a major problem in my marriage. I would also be looking at places to move into.

    I am so sorry. You don't need this stress. Make your point and stick to it (Basket A problem).


  7. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Janet, this is crazy. Don't allow him to get to you this way. You lay down the law. I am not resposible for your things nor will you be keeping guns out in plain sight - period. If he wants to discuss or comment on it, he can do it to the air. Just walk away. You have a granddaughter that visits. She should be nowhere near that stuff.

    Sorry. It appears things are tough for you right now. The men in your life are pushing all your buttons, and I'm sure what's going on with Corey is taking it's toll as well.

    Big, big hugs.

  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    I cant take it...I am calling Jamie as soon as he gets up and telling him that he either gets his father up there or I am calling the cops to put him out. I will end up loosing my car and my house but who cares.
  9. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Deep Breaths.

    Big Hugs.

    I am SO sorry.

    We are all here for you.
  10. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    Janet you do what you need to do for YOU. We're behind you in what ever you choose. You have far more then enough to deal with and you will come up with the right decision for YOU.
  11. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    As I am totally against guns this just p's me off......the reason he blames you is you are the one who noticed it.......just can't imagine why in the world he would keep his guns out in the open.....just shakin' my head. I can only imagine your frustration.......sorry for your situation, hope the gun returns before it shows up in a crime scene.
  12. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Sorry Tony is being such an A**. You did nothing wrong. Please don't let him get you down or upset you. I'm sure that you are already stressed out enough from dealing with Cory's mess this week. You can alway run away to my house---but be warned---difficult child is coming home for the weekend---and that's not a good thing!!!
  13. Star*

    Star* call 911


    No lectures - just hugs. When you have had enough of this bull**** - you'll do something about it. Until then it will remain the same. This you know. If you expect anyone to do anything for you that would be of benefit to you or stop the stress you may come sit with me under the laughing tree and we'll all get silly. I really do have a laughing tree in my yard.

    You are one of the smartest people I know. When you are ready you will figure this out for yourself.

    I'm here if you need me - HUGS
  14. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen


    Personally, I'd lock the guns up in the case and hide the key. I did that with ex. He is a antique gun collector. And...a sleepwalker. After the first time he got the gun and went into easy child's room, (you CANNOT wake them), I locked those suckcers up.

    Hope things calm down, although this seems like a pattern.

  15. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Do what is best for you and let the chips fall where they may. Things have a way of falling into place when you need them to.

  16. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I do understand how angry this must make you feel. on the other hand you and your husband have been under alot of stain lately which distorts good decision making. No matter what you opt to do you will have Board support but I would suggest that you take a nap, a walk, read a book...something to change gears a bit before you make a life altering decision. Hugs. DDD
  17. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Oh Janet, I wish our getaway was now!!! I wish you could have a couple of days to just clear the mind... Please don't let the rage build up, I do that... I want to peel the paint off of the walls with the persons face... I want to reach in and... OK I just get very angry. I see RED... I think from reading and talking to you in the past Janet, you get the same way.
    When you are surrounded with MEN who are not very supportive, well it can just push a girl over the edge.
    You need a laughing tree, a closet, a little room, padded... with no stinking guns or people blaming you for anything. You need to heal. You need a break.
    But as it looks like you are still and will be in this situation for awhile... please do not rely on the medications too much. You will still rebound. Tell them all to get the frick out of the house for a day or 2... is this possible?
    Can you have a break in your own home?

    I am thinking of you... I was seeing red not to long ago... it does not feel good. Please take a deep breath Janet, we love you here and want to keep seeing you !!! Do what you need when you are ready.
  18. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Janet -

    Never mind Tony - just don't make TOTO mad. You'll be painting the walls.
    (sorry Toto) lol. :whiteflag:
  19. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Adding my hugs...hope things are calming down at your house.
  20. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Oh boy! I am not sure what to say, except I think it is time for you to fly the coop. You have been putting up with Tony and Cory's crud way too long. You deserve more, much, much more from life. Fight girl! Fight for you, and what you deserve, need, and are owed in life. You are the most important person in this equation, and you need to take care of her. We are behind you 100%.