This morning... horrible! May have been partly provoked by J watching two hours television - our rule is no TV during the school week and then he watches on weekends. But I don't think it does him any good. He didn't even suggest it this morning or think of it but I have so much work to do at the moment so.... cheap babysitter. So afterwards he is helping me "clean" and I said something about the sitting room table being too big for the space, musing aloud whether we had a smaller one in the house. I have the little one in my room, he said - a good idea and just the perfect size. He never uses it... so, we bring it down. Then, long story short, he starts going on and on about wanting the table back, I "take things of his all the time and never give them back", and other drama queen histrionics. Crying, shouting, rolling on the floor. This is a table, I repeat, I have never seen him choose to use... It carries on and on, he starts getting rude and insulting, talking in a tyrannical voice that so pushes my buttons. At one point I felt so angry at the defiant insults I mimed giving him a big slap... Okay, Mrs I Understand How to Deal with Defiant Behaviour, fan-tast-ic....!! Back to the beginners' class. But it is exactly what this kind of defiant rudeness makes you feel like doing - giving him a big slap... In the end I just picked him up in anger and put him roughly inside his room and left him in it (where he angrily took his plastic break-apart alphabet carpet to pieces) . Afterwards, after all this crisis and drama and spent emotion (on both sides), he started crying, sad rather than angry, saying he wanted me to ask him if I could have the table. This I can understand and respect. Then a bit later he basically calmed down, said sorry several times, was obviously trying hard to be on his best behaviour and not put a foot wrong for the next hour or so. That he does this gives me a glimmer of hope, I think. It's so exhausting and I'm really not good at it! I'm Really Not Good At It!!! But I have to keep trying to implement the stuff I know - keeping calm, keeping boundaries, trying not to let my own emotions fly off the handle - because otherwise... Thanks for letting me vent.