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Venting, updating, just very conflicted right now.
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 640324" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>There is that genetic piece, again.</p><p></p><p>I am thinking more and more strongly that it really could be possible that our children, difficult child or easy child, are just who and how they genetically are. Risk takers, rebels, sliding scale morality ~ all characteristics which, in some other time (or maybe even in this time, which is also a time of rapid change) contributed to the species' survival. Just as some of us have been evolved hoarding calories to survive times of famine, while others of us burn every calorie just to keep body and soul together, our spirits and personalities, too, may have been genetically predetermined. </p><p></p><p>Add fooling around with drug use to that propensity for adventure or risk taking and there you are.</p><p></p><p>My difficult children.</p><p></p><p>And this is America, after all. We probably have more than our share of risk taking immigrant ancestors in our population.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I love this.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Try this, Guide Me:</p><p></p><p>Write each phrase twelve times. The theory is that each of the phrases addresses self perspective, responding to and healing harm filled, negative tapes.</p><p></p><p>Please also read McKay / Fanning <u>Self Esteem</u>.</p><p></p><p>In this beautifully written book, the negative tape concept is described simply and clearly enough that we can confront and change those toxic old messages still rolling around in our psyches out of habit. Check them out on YouTube.</p><p></p><p>Also, check Brene Brown on YouTube and on TED Talks, Guide Me. Brene works with shame and vulnerability. She writes that we need to lean in. Whatever the negative feeling state is, accept and lean in and choose it. This is the way, so she tells us, to authenticity.</p><p></p><p>Here are the phrases:</p><p></p><p>I, Guide Me, am the beloved daughter of the most high God.</p><p></p><p>She, Guide Me, is the beloved daughter of the most high God.</p><p></p><p>You, Guide Me, are the beloved daughter of the most high God.</p><p></p><p>Though I read in every religious tradition and so, don't really have a recognizable label for my faith tradition or belief? I did this exercise, and it helped me. It was the strangest thing, how it would come to mind, countering the negative thought I was barely aware of, almost without effort on my part.</p><p></p><p>So I wrote those same three phrases twelve times for each of my children and for my grandchildren.</p><p></p><p>It made an amazing difference, and I hope you will try it.</p><p></p><p>Another so valuable thing for me was to resolve, for one year, to be kinder to myself. That was my only New Year's resolution last year. In the strangest, most unexpected ways, that intention has come to mind a thousand times over this past year.</p><p></p><p>And so, I have learned to treat myself more gently.</p><p></p><p>If we can begin the process of healing ourselves, of seeing ourselves differently ~ if we can be more healthy ourselves ~ we can pattern that for our children and grands.</p><p></p><p>The Power of Now, and A New Earth, by Eckhardt Tolle were also invaluable, and Simple Abundance, by Sarah Ban Breathnack.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 640324, member: 17461"] There is that genetic piece, again. I am thinking more and more strongly that it really could be possible that our children, difficult child or easy child, are just who and how they genetically are. Risk takers, rebels, sliding scale morality ~ all characteristics which, in some other time (or maybe even in this time, which is also a time of rapid change) contributed to the species' survival. Just as some of us have been evolved hoarding calories to survive times of famine, while others of us burn every calorie just to keep body and soul together, our spirits and personalities, too, may have been genetically predetermined. Add fooling around with drug use to that propensity for adventure or risk taking and there you are. My difficult children. And this is America, after all. We probably have more than our share of risk taking immigrant ancestors in our population. I love this. Try this, Guide Me: Write each phrase twelve times. The theory is that each of the phrases addresses self perspective, responding to and healing harm filled, negative tapes. Please also read McKay / Fanning [U]Self Esteem[/U]. In this beautifully written book, the negative tape concept is described simply and clearly enough that we can confront and change those toxic old messages still rolling around in our psyches out of habit. Check them out on YouTube. Also, check Brene Brown on YouTube and on TED Talks, Guide Me. Brene works with shame and vulnerability. She writes that we need to lean in. Whatever the negative feeling state is, accept and lean in and choose it. This is the way, so she tells us, to authenticity. Here are the phrases: I, Guide Me, am the beloved daughter of the most high God. She, Guide Me, is the beloved daughter of the most high God. You, Guide Me, are the beloved daughter of the most high God. Though I read in every religious tradition and so, don't really have a recognizable label for my faith tradition or belief? I did this exercise, and it helped me. It was the strangest thing, how it would come to mind, countering the negative thought I was barely aware of, almost without effort on my part. So I wrote those same three phrases twelve times for each of my children and for my grandchildren. It made an amazing difference, and I hope you will try it. Another so valuable thing for me was to resolve, for one year, to be kinder to myself. That was my only New Year's resolution last year. In the strangest, most unexpected ways, that intention has come to mind a thousand times over this past year. And so, I have learned to treat myself more gently. If we can begin the process of healing ourselves, of seeing ourselves differently ~ if we can be more healthy ourselves ~ we can pattern that for our children and grands. The Power of Now, and A New Earth, by Eckhardt Tolle were also invaluable, and Simple Abundance, by Sarah Ban Breathnack. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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