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Venting, VERY long!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 258969" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>An idea - I would be keeping T and difficult child apart, at all costs. So if at all remotely possible, can you arrange to take difficult child with you when you are away from home and T is at your place? For example, have him stay overnight with you when you stay with the elderly lady, for example. We take difficult child 3 with us whenever we go away, even at family events which are otherwise "no kids" because as I have told my family, we're currently a package deal with difficult child 3. On his own away from other kids, he's fine and can actually be a good help. At worst he sits playing his computer game. Most of the time he is content to be left at home on his own (he IS 15 now) but he has come with me to meetings etc and even done his homework while I do my thing. Talk to the person running the course that you want to do (maybe even half-jokingly suggest that difficult child could be "Exhibit A") and see if it would be OK for you to bring difficult child to the class, sitting quietly in a corner for example.</p><p></p><p>If you try to build in as many alternatives as you can, then you have fall-backs in the event wheels fall off. For example, it's all very well to say your sister should step up to the plate and help out, but depression really can be crippling, as can self-absorption. You could set up something that seems perfectly acceptable and effective, only to find sis doesn't hold up her end of the bargain and drops everyone in it at the last minute. So build in a good back-up plan.</p><p></p><p>I'm not saying, don't ask your sister. Just be prepared for her to dump you in it at the last minute - such people do, it's part of the "It's all about me" syndrome. She may surprise you and come through well, give her a chance. But if at the last minute she's feeling too blah to turn up, then you need to be able to carry on. That way it shouldn't stress people too much.</p><p></p><p>And keeping difficult child and his cousin apart - probably the best thing for everybody.</p><p></p><p>Your mother sounds like she's trying to fix everything for everybody, and this risks causing more problems for everyone if things don't work out exactly. She also risks being an enabler, with your sis, with your nephew, with everyone. So don't get caught up in turning into your mother, either. In other words - if you want to do this course, do it. Find a way to do it, without having to worry about what is going to happen when you're not around to referee.</p><p></p><p>Good luck.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 258969, member: 1991"] An idea - I would be keeping T and difficult child apart, at all costs. So if at all remotely possible, can you arrange to take difficult child with you when you are away from home and T is at your place? For example, have him stay overnight with you when you stay with the elderly lady, for example. We take difficult child 3 with us whenever we go away, even at family events which are otherwise "no kids" because as I have told my family, we're currently a package deal with difficult child 3. On his own away from other kids, he's fine and can actually be a good help. At worst he sits playing his computer game. Most of the time he is content to be left at home on his own (he IS 15 now) but he has come with me to meetings etc and even done his homework while I do my thing. Talk to the person running the course that you want to do (maybe even half-jokingly suggest that difficult child could be "Exhibit A") and see if it would be OK for you to bring difficult child to the class, sitting quietly in a corner for example. If you try to build in as many alternatives as you can, then you have fall-backs in the event wheels fall off. For example, it's all very well to say your sister should step up to the plate and help out, but depression really can be crippling, as can self-absorption. You could set up something that seems perfectly acceptable and effective, only to find sis doesn't hold up her end of the bargain and drops everyone in it at the last minute. So build in a good back-up plan. I'm not saying, don't ask your sister. Just be prepared for her to dump you in it at the last minute - such people do, it's part of the "It's all about me" syndrome. She may surprise you and come through well, give her a chance. But if at the last minute she's feeling too blah to turn up, then you need to be able to carry on. That way it shouldn't stress people too much. And keeping difficult child and his cousin apart - probably the best thing for everybody. Your mother sounds like she's trying to fix everything for everybody, and this risks causing more problems for everyone if things don't work out exactly. She also risks being an enabler, with your sis, with your nephew, with everyone. So don't get caught up in turning into your mother, either. In other words - if you want to do this course, do it. Find a way to do it, without having to worry about what is going to happen when you're not around to referee. Good luck. Marg [/QUOTE]
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