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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 129084" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: purple">I agree with everything Tammy said. Once trust has been broken, it is very difficult to get it back and it's never quite the same again. You can rebuild your relationship on a new level and regain a certain closeness you didn't have before, if you work at it together.</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: purple">My H and I went through a difficult time a few years ago as well and the one thing our counselor said was that while we're in the process of rebuilding my trust in H, he needed to give me full disclosure, meaning that I knew where he was, with whom, what he was doing, and I could freely go get something out of his truck without him jumping ahead of me. Likewise, I had to give up snooping and looking over his shoulder and giving him the 3rd degree. We BOTH had to work at regaining the trust. I had to learn to give him the benefit of the doubt, and he had to change certain things so that I was less mistrustful.</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: purple">In your situation, you could make it a rule that if there is trouble at work, his staff need to call him on the house phone only. No more texts. Also, perhaps you and boyfriend should have a standing date for lunch or dinner at the restaurant so his staff get to know you better and develop a respect for your presence in his life as his SO. It's important that he be viewed as a 'taken' man and not just a guy. It's very common for waitstaff to develop crushes on their managers and bosses and allowing yourself to be seen is one way to discourage that. </span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: purple">And you have to realize and accept that if your boyfriend were determined to have an affair or inappropriate relationship with another woman, there isn't diddly you can do about it really. You either stay and live with it or you leave and get on with your life, Know what I mean?? It is not healthy for anyone or any relationship when one or both partners are constantly thinking the other may have something going on the side. It's terrible for your psyche and effects other aspects of your life, Jen. Be good to yourself.</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: purple">My only last remaining question is, if the girl were hired because her DAD worked with your H for 10 years and she's only 19 and your boyfriend is what, 38? Would she call her dad "honey" also?? I mean, wouldn't this scenario make your boyfriend more of a 'father figure' type of boss rather than a 'honey' type of boss? That was creepy to me. Otherwise, I would just make the no texting a rule that will help you develop stronger trust and if boyfriend really wants to help you develop more trust in him, he will go with it. </span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: purple">Hugs - good luck!</span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 129084, member: 2211"] [SIZE=3][COLOR=purple]I agree with everything Tammy said. Once trust has been broken, it is very difficult to get it back and it's never quite the same again. You can rebuild your relationship on a new level and regain a certain closeness you didn't have before, if you work at it together.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=purple]My H and I went through a difficult time a few years ago as well and the one thing our counselor said was that while we're in the process of rebuilding my trust in H, he needed to give me full disclosure, meaning that I knew where he was, with whom, what he was doing, and I could freely go get something out of his truck without him jumping ahead of me. Likewise, I had to give up snooping and looking over his shoulder and giving him the 3rd degree. We BOTH had to work at regaining the trust. I had to learn to give him the benefit of the doubt, and he had to change certain things so that I was less mistrustful.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=purple]In your situation, you could make it a rule that if there is trouble at work, his staff need to call him on the house phone only. No more texts. Also, perhaps you and boyfriend should have a standing date for lunch or dinner at the restaurant so his staff get to know you better and develop a respect for your presence in his life as his SO. It's important that he be viewed as a 'taken' man and not just a guy. It's very common for waitstaff to develop crushes on their managers and bosses and allowing yourself to be seen is one way to discourage that. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=purple]And you have to realize and accept that if your boyfriend were determined to have an affair or inappropriate relationship with another woman, there isn't diddly you can do about it really. You either stay and live with it or you leave and get on with your life, Know what I mean?? It is not healthy for anyone or any relationship when one or both partners are constantly thinking the other may have something going on the side. It's terrible for your psyche and effects other aspects of your life, Jen. Be good to yourself.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=purple]My only last remaining question is, if the girl were hired because her DAD worked with your H for 10 years and she's only 19 and your boyfriend is what, 38? Would she call her dad "honey" also?? I mean, wouldn't this scenario make your boyfriend more of a 'father figure' type of boss rather than a 'honey' type of boss? That was creepy to me. Otherwise, I would just make the no texting a rule that will help you develop stronger trust and if boyfriend really wants to help you develop more trust in him, he will go with it. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=purple]Hugs - good luck![/COLOR][/SIZE] [/QUOTE]
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