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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 572724" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Full blown Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is incomprehsible to most people, even many here on the board, although they are excellent parents in other areas. Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is a scary, scary disorder that is not caused by current bad parenting and is usually not fixable. Let me tell you my story. by the way, ignore ignorant "friends" who have no clue what Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) really means. You can not parent a Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) child. They won't be parented. Plus you have many others to parent as well. If he were an only child...but he's not.</p><p></p><p>We adopted a child who was like your son. There was no happy ending...turned out he was killing our pets and sexually abusing our two youngest children, actually having sex with the girl. He wasn't safe at home. My advice for parents facing this, especially who have younger, helpless children, is to keep the child out of the home because he is a danger to your children. Don't believe you can change it. Help him from a distance, but don't let him live with you again. Unfortunately, he was so damaged so early that he doesn't want to be fixed, doesn't have an attachment to anybody, and probably never will. It is unsafe to leave him unsupervised even to go to the bathroom so since you can't watch him 24/7 I would keep him in residential. He will likely get worse as he gets older, not better. If his bio. mom used drugs and drank during her pregnancy that could have made things even worse, causing organic brain damage, such as fetal alcohol effects. I wouldn't even try him at home. He needs a safe place to heal, if he can, and your other kids need your protection.</p><p></p><p>First hand knowledge speaking here. We always hope love will conquer all. Attachment disordered kids are repelled by love and don't understand it or want it. It only makes them worse. They are the nicest when they want something. And they are the meanest when Dad and Mom aren't looking. Watch out.</p><p></p><p>Our adopted child is out of our lives. We did not want to see him after we found out what he did to our younger two kids, and they were TERRIFIED of him, although they did not show it or talk badly of him until he was safely gone. They knew that if they told Dad or Mom the things he did, there'd be reprecussions from him. I'm convinced my youngest two would not be normal if we had kept him in our lives. They would have seen it as a betrayal. You don't even know if this child has acted out on your other kids. Attachmen disordered kids are good at shutting other kids up. Since our adopted son never even spoke of sex, we thought he was immature and never thought about it. The joke was on us! I would not be a bit surprised to find out this child had killed somebody. Or many people. Your child sounds as dangerous as this one was. He could seriously hurt somebody.</p><p></p><p>Sorry I can't give you more hopeful advice, but I shudder thinking of keeping a child this disturbed and dangerous in the home, both for your family and the community of other kids he will interact with. You took on a lot with him. Sadly, we can't save every child.</p><p></p><p>If your husband won't agree to keep this child out of the house, it may be best to take your other kids out of the house (not easy, of course). I guarantee you something bad will eventually happen if your other kids, especially those babies, remain living with that child and your husband needs to get his head out of the sand. He also has other kids to think about. Oh, yeah. Take your pets with too, if you have any. Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids start out hurting/killing pets and move on to people. I wish I were exaggerating. </p><p></p><p>Gentle hugs...I'm so sorry</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 572724, member: 1550"] Full blown Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is incomprehsible to most people, even many here on the board, although they are excellent parents in other areas. Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is a scary, scary disorder that is not caused by current bad parenting and is usually not fixable. Let me tell you my story. by the way, ignore ignorant "friends" who have no clue what Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) really means. You can not parent a Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) child. They won't be parented. Plus you have many others to parent as well. If he were an only child...but he's not. We adopted a child who was like your son. There was no happy ending...turned out he was killing our pets and sexually abusing our two youngest children, actually having sex with the girl. He wasn't safe at home. My advice for parents facing this, especially who have younger, helpless children, is to keep the child out of the home because he is a danger to your children. Don't believe you can change it. Help him from a distance, but don't let him live with you again. Unfortunately, he was so damaged so early that he doesn't want to be fixed, doesn't have an attachment to anybody, and probably never will. It is unsafe to leave him unsupervised even to go to the bathroom so since you can't watch him 24/7 I would keep him in residential. He will likely get worse as he gets older, not better. If his bio. mom used drugs and drank during her pregnancy that could have made things even worse, causing organic brain damage, such as fetal alcohol effects. I wouldn't even try him at home. He needs a safe place to heal, if he can, and your other kids need your protection. First hand knowledge speaking here. We always hope love will conquer all. Attachment disordered kids are repelled by love and don't understand it or want it. It only makes them worse. They are the nicest when they want something. And they are the meanest when Dad and Mom aren't looking. Watch out. Our adopted child is out of our lives. We did not want to see him after we found out what he did to our younger two kids, and they were TERRIFIED of him, although they did not show it or talk badly of him until he was safely gone. They knew that if they told Dad or Mom the things he did, there'd be reprecussions from him. I'm convinced my youngest two would not be normal if we had kept him in our lives. They would have seen it as a betrayal. You don't even know if this child has acted out on your other kids. Attachmen disordered kids are good at shutting other kids up. Since our adopted son never even spoke of sex, we thought he was immature and never thought about it. The joke was on us! I would not be a bit surprised to find out this child had killed somebody. Or many people. Your child sounds as dangerous as this one was. He could seriously hurt somebody. Sorry I can't give you more hopeful advice, but I shudder thinking of keeping a child this disturbed and dangerous in the home, both for your family and the community of other kids he will interact with. You took on a lot with him. Sadly, we can't save every child. If your husband won't agree to keep this child out of the house, it may be best to take your other kids out of the house (not easy, of course). I guarantee you something bad will eventually happen if your other kids, especially those babies, remain living with that child and your husband needs to get his head out of the sand. He also has other kids to think about. Oh, yeah. Take your pets with too, if you have any. Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids start out hurting/killing pets and move on to people. I wish I were exaggerating. Gentle hugs...I'm so sorry [/QUOTE]
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