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VERY UPSET. Now I'm Trying to Control Her
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 445123" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>I'm also so sorry. This situation never seems to resolve, merely gives periods in between drama created by gfgbro refusing to respect your wishes for no contact. yes your parents should respect your decisions and how simple would it be to just visit separately with gfgbro family and you and your husband and kids? Yet, parents sometimes have this unrealistic belief that they must fix problems between their adult children. I see it so much with mother in law regarding drug addict sister in law. In the end, I would be hurt by your parents too, I can't pretend otherwise. yet what the hades will it take for your brother to back the H off? He KNOWS your stand. He manipulates your parents over and over to get them to try to fix "the rift" and he KNOWS they will fall in line with it beecause they want that so badly themselves for the two of you. And he KNOWS this will drive a wedge with you and your parents and leave you hurting and leave your parents seeing HIM as the reasonable one willing to play "happy families" while painting you as the unreasonable one who supposedly is tainting your children against him etc. He's a sick sick human being because if he truly wasn't a sick person, even if he didn't understand somehow WHY you are DONE with him, he'd realized long ago that you MEAN this and are sticking to it and he'd back the hades off!</p><p></p><p>The unmitigated GALL of the man to then CALL your house AGAIN? My feeling? Enough is enough. It is HARASSMENT. Period. Your parents will NOT be in the middle if/when you have a no contact order or restraining order in place as he'll not be allowed near you even at your parents house.</p><p></p><p>I know police hate this family stuff. Well tough. This guy is twisted and has zero comprehension that no means no and it does NOT matter that he is "blood" or "kin". He is a grown man and you are a grown woman. You have repeatedly told him to NOT contact you via post or telephone and to NOT trespass on your property. He repeatedly breaches all of the above. it is TIME to march your behind to the police station and tell them it is time for them to INSIST and to ACT with a written warning and one on one conversation on THE RECORD with your brother that he is to CEASE AND DESIST ALL CONTACT. That if he does it again following that warning, he will be charged with harassment and a restraining order will be issued. Period. If this was not your brother but was an ex or a neighbor or a old friend from college or whatever, he would be warned and then prosecuted if necessary. Do not let some hokey cop tell you that because your mother birthed you both that you don't have the same rights regarding protection from him that you have regarding every other human being on earth. </p><p></p><p>When it gets back to your parents, tell them THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU AND WE ARE NOT DISCUSSING IT. Period. If they walk away, or if you walk away, this is a combination of your brothers actions and your parents do-good mentality that created this all. Not you or your children. </p><p></p><p>I'm very very sorry to hear this isn't stopping, I know how hard you've worked to have a relationship with your parents. This situation however is creating a dynamic that nothing of your relationship with them sounds like its healthy right now anyhow. So maybe it is time to stand firm with the police about your brother and refuse to speak about it to your parents. If that leads to a estrangement with them for a period of time, so be it. Not that it won't hurt, but it certainly can't hurt to finally take a bottom line stand as opposed to continous hurt over and over with their inaction or reactions or steering events in gfgbro's favor. It might not last forever if you end contact with them. One thing I do know though is that this pattern just worsens and that is something that WILL last forever unless and until you take a much firmer stance. Gfgbro should have heard you loud and clear LONG ago and you've done all within your power to make it work for all involved while protecting yourselves from being around him. but it isn't working so its time to take that final step. Even if this means losing contact with your parents, even for a period of time, it has to be better than this ongoing drama from your brother and the pain and upset. </p><p></p><p>hang in there but truly please consider taking police action. Dont back down if the police try to play it off as a family spat. it is MUCH more than that. (((hugs))) families can sometimes hoover.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 445123, member: 4264"] I'm also so sorry. This situation never seems to resolve, merely gives periods in between drama created by gfgbro refusing to respect your wishes for no contact. yes your parents should respect your decisions and how simple would it be to just visit separately with gfgbro family and you and your husband and kids? Yet, parents sometimes have this unrealistic belief that they must fix problems between their adult children. I see it so much with mother in law regarding drug addict sister in law. In the end, I would be hurt by your parents too, I can't pretend otherwise. yet what the hades will it take for your brother to back the H off? He KNOWS your stand. He manipulates your parents over and over to get them to try to fix "the rift" and he KNOWS they will fall in line with it beecause they want that so badly themselves for the two of you. And he KNOWS this will drive a wedge with you and your parents and leave you hurting and leave your parents seeing HIM as the reasonable one willing to play "happy families" while painting you as the unreasonable one who supposedly is tainting your children against him etc. He's a sick sick human being because if he truly wasn't a sick person, even if he didn't understand somehow WHY you are DONE with him, he'd realized long ago that you MEAN this and are sticking to it and he'd back the hades off! The unmitigated GALL of the man to then CALL your house AGAIN? My feeling? Enough is enough. It is HARASSMENT. Period. Your parents will NOT be in the middle if/when you have a no contact order or restraining order in place as he'll not be allowed near you even at your parents house. I know police hate this family stuff. Well tough. This guy is twisted and has zero comprehension that no means no and it does NOT matter that he is "blood" or "kin". He is a grown man and you are a grown woman. You have repeatedly told him to NOT contact you via post or telephone and to NOT trespass on your property. He repeatedly breaches all of the above. it is TIME to march your behind to the police station and tell them it is time for them to INSIST and to ACT with a written warning and one on one conversation on THE RECORD with your brother that he is to CEASE AND DESIST ALL CONTACT. That if he does it again following that warning, he will be charged with harassment and a restraining order will be issued. Period. If this was not your brother but was an ex or a neighbor or a old friend from college or whatever, he would be warned and then prosecuted if necessary. Do not let some hokey cop tell you that because your mother birthed you both that you don't have the same rights regarding protection from him that you have regarding every other human being on earth. When it gets back to your parents, tell them THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU AND WE ARE NOT DISCUSSING IT. Period. If they walk away, or if you walk away, this is a combination of your brothers actions and your parents do-good mentality that created this all. Not you or your children. I'm very very sorry to hear this isn't stopping, I know how hard you've worked to have a relationship with your parents. This situation however is creating a dynamic that nothing of your relationship with them sounds like its healthy right now anyhow. So maybe it is time to stand firm with the police about your brother and refuse to speak about it to your parents. If that leads to a estrangement with them for a period of time, so be it. Not that it won't hurt, but it certainly can't hurt to finally take a bottom line stand as opposed to continous hurt over and over with their inaction or reactions or steering events in gfgbro's favor. It might not last forever if you end contact with them. One thing I do know though is that this pattern just worsens and that is something that WILL last forever unless and until you take a much firmer stance. Gfgbro should have heard you loud and clear LONG ago and you've done all within your power to make it work for all involved while protecting yourselves from being around him. but it isn't working so its time to take that final step. Even if this means losing contact with your parents, even for a period of time, it has to be better than this ongoing drama from your brother and the pain and upset. hang in there but truly please consider taking police action. Dont back down if the police try to play it off as a family spat. it is MUCH more than that. (((hugs))) families can sometimes hoover. [/QUOTE]
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VERY UPSET. Now I'm Trying to Control Her
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