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VERY UPSET. Now I'm Trying to Control Her
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 445157" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Susie*, </p><p></p><p>First off hon? HUGS....Now......(exhale) Lots of questions about your family and mostly again WHYS? Well I guess most of us here could sum it up with the fact that your family is very dysfunctional. You've had the answer given to you over and over, choose to ignore it hoping that something changes, it doesn't, it hurts you over and over, upsets you over and over, it's affected your kids over and over, and still there you sit wondering WHY. Doctors have told you for years - break away from your family they are dysfunctional, they are abusive. Your friends HERE, people that have NEVER EVER met you, and ONLY heard your side have told you, let them alone. They are never EVER going to change. They are not going to change because THEY DO NOT WANT TO. When or IF they had wanted to? They would have, and that ship has sailed. No matter HOW good of a girl you are, no matter HOW attentive you are to them, no matter what lottery you win, award you get, how sweet you are, forgiving you ever will be, EVEN IF YOU GO DOWN ON YOUR HANDS AND KNEES in front of your Mom and WERE to forgive (or do her version) of forgive your alcoholic ahole brother? DO YOU NOT KNOW that it would never be enough? Because THEY DO NOT KNOW what it is - that would BE enough. NOT YOUR MOM, CERTAINLY NOT YOUR BROTHER....and if that were to happen? He would so take advantage of that situation. It wouldn't play out in his mind - well sis forgave me, all is well in the family.....NO. He'd find NEW things daily to torment YOU with, and still like a CHILD would run back to your MOTHER and tattle and squeel because he's a sick man, and he's poisoned your Mom's mind and SHE FEELS GUILTY THAT SHE CAN NOT FIX WHATEVER IS WRONG WITH HIM BUT SHE IS STILL TRYING and she has gotten into a cycle of trying to FIX A difficult child and NEVER tough loved him and NEVER DONE DETACHMENT 101 to the point SO LONG, SO MUCH ------that NOW? She's not only loosing her daughter, BUT she's RAISING a SECOND GENERATION that she will ULTIMATELY raise JUST LIKE HIM. Her GRANDDAUGHTER.....</p><p></p><p>Look at what she has ALLOWED .......ALLOWED to happen to J and T.....under her OWN nose......nightmares, and seizures, and all the other ABUSE........SHE ALLOWED THIS.......you have GOT to start allowing yourself to say those things- SHE DID NOT protect your childen. SHE ALLOWED these things to happen and when the stuff hit the fan over and over - DID SHE SEND HIM AWAY OR PROTECT HIM? OVER AND OVER? EITHER.........SHE is Crazy - OR You're not telling it straight. I know you. I believe you. I've known you for danged near 11 years. So you're here......trying so hard it breaks my heart to stick up for a crazy person that WILL NOT ABSOLUTELY defend her GRANDCHILDREN. AND YOU CONTINUALLY FORGIVE THAT....and CONTINUALLY WANT a relationship of SOMEKIND with her. WHY IS THAT SO IMPORTANT TO YOU? THE WOMAN IS NOT WORTH YOUR SANITY AND THE SANITY OF YOUR KIDS HONEY! I've NEVER seen such LOYALTY.......LET IT GO. It's like you've got to pick a side......here Susie*....Your Mom who is an enabler, or your kids who need their wonderful Mother to know - that NO MATTER WHAT? Mom has their back. Even if it means telling Grandma that she's got to take a break from her madness for a while cause Grandma can't have it both ways....and even though it breaks Moms heart? It's a done deal. Grandma had her choice and made it plain as the nose on my face - GFGBRO.....HER CHOICE. </p><p></p><p>Deal with the pain, move on. Talk to a therapist. Cause it's real pain. Deep pain.....and it HURTS. </p><p></p><p>As far as your mom RUINING J's BD? Well - YOU KNOW WHAT????? I'm not sure WHEN exactly I was born.....But I think this would be a cool year for Jess to have a neat thing called a D.O.V.E. birthday. </p><p>Do Over Very Exciting......means Tomorrow.....since today is such a bust..and everyone is so emotional.......Tomorrow is her SURPRISE DOVE party? Her being so lovely like a dove - won't it surprise her to have another cake (small one) and a special gift? We did this with Dude one year and it tickled him to pieces. Don't let her OWN this day------she's already gotten part of it - SO what....do the surprise party tomorrow iwth a surprise cake, and a neat present - promise it will thrill J to death! And heck who doesn't like two cakes? Maybe a special outing too - toes nails? Just you and her? </p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry honey ----It's not REALLY that your Mom is picking here. I think she tried to do the best she could, you were stronger - went on, and difficult child bro being weaker? Got a lot more of her attention and never should have. The down side of that is - HE CAN'T funciton and he's a full grown man. That's sad. He has NO CLUE how to be a man, take care of himself, his kids, have a spouse, and home, a job, live without his Mommy fixing everything for him AND the bottle. He got her attention more than he should have. There should have been a lot more there for you and there never was.......that's sad. Very sad, and it hurts you deeply. Everyone and anyone can see that. It would have been nice for her to throw you a bone once in a while or appreciate you for you. He took a lot of your thunder and you never got the recognition that you deserved for being such a wonderful, fantastically gifted, great hearted, loving smart person. Her validation for all your good and great qualities fell very short. ((((Hugs for that)))) Lots of us here see those every day. EVERY day. </p><p>The UPSIDE to the sickness that your MOm perpetuated with your Brother by enmeshing herself with him and not you? Okay - now this is going to seem kinda harsh - and hard....but it's true. Took me years to understand and appreciate it as the oldest and a sibling of an alcoholic....a gifted genius alcolholic but here goes. YOU? You're stronger. YOU have abilities that he will never have, YOU have a spouse, YOU can have a relationship that is wonderful with a husband that while not perfect loves you, and you love. YOU know how to do things. And sister I don't know anyone better and squeeking a nickle than you or I. You're clever, crafty, inventive. YOU MAKE SOAP....YOu make the absolute best cream I've ever tried. You gave birth to three kids that are wonderful. I love them with all my heart. (Oka I dont' know Wiz, but still) YOU are supportive, appreciative, you see things in the world that others don't, you are a beautiful woman, a lovely and kind person, a great friend. GREAT FRIEND. You care, you care so much it made me cry those silly little OH no she did not tears when I got that box with those patches in it. It was like - I've never had anyone care like that and I didn't even say much..you just read, and said - HEy...I mean how did I get so lucky to have such a great person in MY life? I thank God every day for YOU.....So no matter WHAT...there are a LOT of us out here that see - a FUNNY, SUPER, AWESOME, WARRIOR MOM for her kids, that is such a little girl still inside jumping up and down yelling MOM? MOM do you see me? Do you? How about now? SEE ME? Do you see me now? LOOK IT.....See what I did? And I don't know Susie if she ever will...she's sick.....she may never ever get unsick...and that's what you have to get away from. It's not abandoning her -it IS saving yourself and your kids. Because THERE IS SO MUCH GOOD IN YOU..THERE IS SO MUCH GREATNESS IN YOU......SO MUCH LOVE IN YOU......THere is not enough space here ..YOU are a wondrous Soul! ..and if I'm frustrated about how your Mom treats you......I can NOT imagine how much it hurts you and how badly it makes YOU feel - but I DO KNOW ----you have to get away from it or it's going to be your ruin. Because all the gifts that you possess that I mentioned above? One by one over the years? They start to disappear....when you stay around people that chip away at your soul and eventually you feel .....Just. Like. Them. </p><p></p><p>Don't let that happen Susie. Be the person that you are gifted to be.....I like the friend I have now. I love her very much. I'm so sorry she's hurting. Sending huge hugs for you. (and tissues) </p><p>Starbie the long winded barbie....but she's just one little person sitting in a chair, here in SC wishing she could be in OK to hug you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 445157, member: 4964"] Susie*, First off hon? HUGS....Now......(exhale) Lots of questions about your family and mostly again WHYS? Well I guess most of us here could sum it up with the fact that your family is very dysfunctional. You've had the answer given to you over and over, choose to ignore it hoping that something changes, it doesn't, it hurts you over and over, upsets you over and over, it's affected your kids over and over, and still there you sit wondering WHY. Doctors have told you for years - break away from your family they are dysfunctional, they are abusive. Your friends HERE, people that have NEVER EVER met you, and ONLY heard your side have told you, let them alone. They are never EVER going to change. They are not going to change because THEY DO NOT WANT TO. When or IF they had wanted to? They would have, and that ship has sailed. No matter HOW good of a girl you are, no matter HOW attentive you are to them, no matter what lottery you win, award you get, how sweet you are, forgiving you ever will be, EVEN IF YOU GO DOWN ON YOUR HANDS AND KNEES in front of your Mom and WERE to forgive (or do her version) of forgive your alcoholic ahole brother? DO YOU NOT KNOW that it would never be enough? Because THEY DO NOT KNOW what it is - that would BE enough. NOT YOUR MOM, CERTAINLY NOT YOUR BROTHER....and if that were to happen? He would so take advantage of that situation. It wouldn't play out in his mind - well sis forgave me, all is well in the family.....NO. He'd find NEW things daily to torment YOU with, and still like a CHILD would run back to your MOTHER and tattle and squeel because he's a sick man, and he's poisoned your Mom's mind and SHE FEELS GUILTY THAT SHE CAN NOT FIX WHATEVER IS WRONG WITH HIM BUT SHE IS STILL TRYING and she has gotten into a cycle of trying to FIX A difficult child and NEVER tough loved him and NEVER DONE DETACHMENT 101 to the point SO LONG, SO MUCH ------that NOW? She's not only loosing her daughter, BUT she's RAISING a SECOND GENERATION that she will ULTIMATELY raise JUST LIKE HIM. Her GRANDDAUGHTER..... Look at what she has ALLOWED .......ALLOWED to happen to J and T.....under her OWN nose......nightmares, and seizures, and all the other ABUSE........SHE ALLOWED THIS.......you have GOT to start allowing yourself to say those things- SHE DID NOT protect your childen. SHE ALLOWED these things to happen and when the stuff hit the fan over and over - DID SHE SEND HIM AWAY OR PROTECT HIM? OVER AND OVER? EITHER.........SHE is Crazy - OR You're not telling it straight. I know you. I believe you. I've known you for danged near 11 years. So you're here......trying so hard it breaks my heart to stick up for a crazy person that WILL NOT ABSOLUTELY defend her GRANDCHILDREN. AND YOU CONTINUALLY FORGIVE THAT....and CONTINUALLY WANT a relationship of SOMEKIND with her. WHY IS THAT SO IMPORTANT TO YOU? THE WOMAN IS NOT WORTH YOUR SANITY AND THE SANITY OF YOUR KIDS HONEY! I've NEVER seen such LOYALTY.......LET IT GO. It's like you've got to pick a side......here Susie*....Your Mom who is an enabler, or your kids who need their wonderful Mother to know - that NO MATTER WHAT? Mom has their back. Even if it means telling Grandma that she's got to take a break from her madness for a while cause Grandma can't have it both ways....and even though it breaks Moms heart? It's a done deal. Grandma had her choice and made it plain as the nose on my face - GFGBRO.....HER CHOICE. Deal with the pain, move on. Talk to a therapist. Cause it's real pain. Deep pain.....and it HURTS. As far as your mom RUINING J's BD? Well - YOU KNOW WHAT????? I'm not sure WHEN exactly I was born.....But I think this would be a cool year for Jess to have a neat thing called a D.O.V.E. birthday. Do Over Very Exciting......means Tomorrow.....since today is such a bust..and everyone is so emotional.......Tomorrow is her SURPRISE DOVE party? Her being so lovely like a dove - won't it surprise her to have another cake (small one) and a special gift? We did this with Dude one year and it tickled him to pieces. Don't let her OWN this day------she's already gotten part of it - SO what....do the surprise party tomorrow iwth a surprise cake, and a neat present - promise it will thrill J to death! And heck who doesn't like two cakes? Maybe a special outing too - toes nails? Just you and her? I'm so sorry honey ----It's not REALLY that your Mom is picking here. I think she tried to do the best she could, you were stronger - went on, and difficult child bro being weaker? Got a lot more of her attention and never should have. The down side of that is - HE CAN'T funciton and he's a full grown man. That's sad. He has NO CLUE how to be a man, take care of himself, his kids, have a spouse, and home, a job, live without his Mommy fixing everything for him AND the bottle. He got her attention more than he should have. There should have been a lot more there for you and there never was.......that's sad. Very sad, and it hurts you deeply. Everyone and anyone can see that. It would have been nice for her to throw you a bone once in a while or appreciate you for you. He took a lot of your thunder and you never got the recognition that you deserved for being such a wonderful, fantastically gifted, great hearted, loving smart person. Her validation for all your good and great qualities fell very short. ((((Hugs for that)))) Lots of us here see those every day. EVERY day. The UPSIDE to the sickness that your MOm perpetuated with your Brother by enmeshing herself with him and not you? Okay - now this is going to seem kinda harsh - and hard....but it's true. Took me years to understand and appreciate it as the oldest and a sibling of an alcoholic....a gifted genius alcolholic but here goes. YOU? You're stronger. YOU have abilities that he will never have, YOU have a spouse, YOU can have a relationship that is wonderful with a husband that while not perfect loves you, and you love. YOU know how to do things. And sister I don't know anyone better and squeeking a nickle than you or I. You're clever, crafty, inventive. YOU MAKE SOAP....YOu make the absolute best cream I've ever tried. You gave birth to three kids that are wonderful. I love them with all my heart. (Oka I dont' know Wiz, but still) YOU are supportive, appreciative, you see things in the world that others don't, you are a beautiful woman, a lovely and kind person, a great friend. GREAT FRIEND. You care, you care so much it made me cry those silly little OH no she did not tears when I got that box with those patches in it. It was like - I've never had anyone care like that and I didn't even say much..you just read, and said - HEy...I mean how did I get so lucky to have such a great person in MY life? I thank God every day for YOU.....So no matter WHAT...there are a LOT of us out here that see - a FUNNY, SUPER, AWESOME, WARRIOR MOM for her kids, that is such a little girl still inside jumping up and down yelling MOM? MOM do you see me? Do you? How about now? SEE ME? Do you see me now? LOOK IT.....See what I did? And I don't know Susie if she ever will...she's sick.....she may never ever get unsick...and that's what you have to get away from. It's not abandoning her -it IS saving yourself and your kids. Because THERE IS SO MUCH GOOD IN YOU..THERE IS SO MUCH GREATNESS IN YOU......SO MUCH LOVE IN YOU......THere is not enough space here ..YOU are a wondrous Soul! ..and if I'm frustrated about how your Mom treats you......I can NOT imagine how much it hurts you and how badly it makes YOU feel - but I DO KNOW ----you have to get away from it or it's going to be your ruin. Because all the gifts that you possess that I mentioned above? One by one over the years? They start to disappear....when you stay around people that chip away at your soul and eventually you feel .....Just. Like. Them. Don't let that happen Susie. Be the person that you are gifted to be.....I like the friend I have now. I love her very much. I'm so sorry she's hurting. Sending huge hugs for you. (and tissues) Starbie the long winded barbie....but she's just one little person sitting in a chair, here in SC wishing she could be in OK to hug you. [/QUOTE]
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