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<blockquote data-quote="Mamaof5" data-source="post: 400837"><p>I'm all good, I know where I lay with this. I won't be leaving him or kicking him out. We're not the type of couple to not work it out. I'm stronger than that. I don't have a therapist (small town but they do have a councelling service here from the detox center and they deal with so much more than just detox, they offer to the whole community on all issues). I know I'm going to need to be put back on Anti-D with this sitch, I won't be able to get through it without being on antidepressants. Another thing he ruined in a way, I was proud to be off and coping with life successfully without. I'll end up resenting him for that for awhile which I know is normal.</p><p></p><p>I'm done crying about it, what's done is done and now we need to fix it. I've come to realize a few things: 1. I think that he maybe got stuck in an inappropriate situation and didn't know how to get out of it 2. He can (like Janet said) be anyone he wants to be on IMVU or Yoville. He's unhappy about his weight, he's gained a few pounds from being a driver. He's probably feeling very stressed and stuck with special needs kids and 5 of them in the first place. We don't have a date night, never had an opportunity to have dates straight from the beginning of the relationship. It was...unique. I lived in Montreal when we got together, finished the last bit of my cegep (college) then moved to Ontario straight into moving in with him in December, June of 2000 I was pregnant unexpectantly with our first. We didn't get a chance to be just a couple for very long.</p><p></p><p>He's 34 now and I think he misses being single (hell I do too from time to time but that's utterly normal). I think he misses the idea of just being a couple without kids (too late for that mind you but you know, that's normal too) and the appeal of being seen as a bachelor on these chats or something else I understand it. I understand and acknowledge that. I know we'll recover but it will be a lot of work. Unless he's seriously not wanting to, the ball will be in his court when I'd done getting my say tonight. I'll respect his decisions and I'm done crying about it. I'm done being hurt about the initial discovery and the betrayal but he's not done working it out that's for sure. I know he cares and loves his family, I know he knows it's wrong because some of the conversation he avoids her "innuendos" and come ons even when I know I haven't been in the room for long periods. He tells her to behave and stop. So he knows it's wrong, he feeling guilty about it. He tossed and turned last night for a good 20 minutes and he's a "hit the pillow, fall asleep right away" type.</p><p></p><p>He knows already I know without him being told. I don't know how he does, perhaps we still have that almost psychic connection after all that couples seem to get to having when they've been together for some time. I'm willing to work on it, I just don't know if he is or wants to. I'm thinking "mid life crisis" kind of deal here.</p><p></p><p>I'm going to be doing stuff for me now so that I can keep healthy and emotionally stable. I'm going back to my roots, I'm going to go to the local Gym and Dojo and I'm going back to the activities I used to do. I want to strengthen my core back up, get my flexibility back and get back in shape. My new new years late resolution out of this situation is MY health. Both emotionally, mentally and physically. I know it'll be a long road because of the illnesses I have but I'll work up to it. I'm going to get my cardiologist and hopefully a new doctor in Blind (chick that volunteers at the food bank gave me a number for a doctor 45 minutes out to Blind that's taking patients) and I'm going to get back to me. I need to center myself. He needs to center himself. We need to center ourselves together too.</p><p></p><p>I'm feeling remarkably better today now that I made the decisions I needed to make (huge weight off the shoulders). I think I'm going to quit smoking too this year, I'm going to get back to putting me first. I guess this is my wake up call in life too...things maybe do happen for a reason.b I'm also going to join both a grief support group and survivors group for infidelity. There's a grief support group in town. I will also be getting my driver's license back (had one over 10 yrs ago, let it expire) and I will make my life better whether he choses to be in it or out of it.</p><p></p><p>I'm not a b either. I would never take my children's father from them. Won't even go to court for it. If that bridge must be crossed we will cross that on a united front regardless of what is between us or not. My kids deserve their father, and he is a great father. I won't be like my mother and be vindictive and take have his CPP (pension plan) or OPP or EI or anything like that. I don't even need allimony. I know, if it came down to divorce, he would financially support his kids. He's always sacrificed himself for his kids and me no matter how hard it was. THAT he is too good at, THAT he is phenominal at. This is just a hiccup in the road of life. I will get through this because I know I can.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mamaof5, post: 400837"] I'm all good, I know where I lay with this. I won't be leaving him or kicking him out. We're not the type of couple to not work it out. I'm stronger than that. I don't have a therapist (small town but they do have a councelling service here from the detox center and they deal with so much more than just detox, they offer to the whole community on all issues). I know I'm going to need to be put back on Anti-D with this sitch, I won't be able to get through it without being on antidepressants. Another thing he ruined in a way, I was proud to be off and coping with life successfully without. I'll end up resenting him for that for awhile which I know is normal. I'm done crying about it, what's done is done and now we need to fix it. I've come to realize a few things: 1. I think that he maybe got stuck in an inappropriate situation and didn't know how to get out of it 2. He can (like Janet said) be anyone he wants to be on IMVU or Yoville. He's unhappy about his weight, he's gained a few pounds from being a driver. He's probably feeling very stressed and stuck with special needs kids and 5 of them in the first place. We don't have a date night, never had an opportunity to have dates straight from the beginning of the relationship. It was...unique. I lived in Montreal when we got together, finished the last bit of my cegep (college) then moved to Ontario straight into moving in with him in December, June of 2000 I was pregnant unexpectantly with our first. We didn't get a chance to be just a couple for very long. He's 34 now and I think he misses being single (hell I do too from time to time but that's utterly normal). I think he misses the idea of just being a couple without kids (too late for that mind you but you know, that's normal too) and the appeal of being seen as a bachelor on these chats or something else I understand it. I understand and acknowledge that. I know we'll recover but it will be a lot of work. Unless he's seriously not wanting to, the ball will be in his court when I'd done getting my say tonight. I'll respect his decisions and I'm done crying about it. I'm done being hurt about the initial discovery and the betrayal but he's not done working it out that's for sure. I know he cares and loves his family, I know he knows it's wrong because some of the conversation he avoids her "innuendos" and come ons even when I know I haven't been in the room for long periods. He tells her to behave and stop. So he knows it's wrong, he feeling guilty about it. He tossed and turned last night for a good 20 minutes and he's a "hit the pillow, fall asleep right away" type. He knows already I know without him being told. I don't know how he does, perhaps we still have that almost psychic connection after all that couples seem to get to having when they've been together for some time. I'm willing to work on it, I just don't know if he is or wants to. I'm thinking "mid life crisis" kind of deal here. I'm going to be doing stuff for me now so that I can keep healthy and emotionally stable. I'm going back to my roots, I'm going to go to the local Gym and Dojo and I'm going back to the activities I used to do. I want to strengthen my core back up, get my flexibility back and get back in shape. My new new years late resolution out of this situation is MY health. Both emotionally, mentally and physically. I know it'll be a long road because of the illnesses I have but I'll work up to it. I'm going to get my cardiologist and hopefully a new doctor in Blind (chick that volunteers at the food bank gave me a number for a doctor 45 minutes out to Blind that's taking patients) and I'm going to get back to me. I need to center myself. He needs to center himself. We need to center ourselves together too. I'm feeling remarkably better today now that I made the decisions I needed to make (huge weight off the shoulders). I think I'm going to quit smoking too this year, I'm going to get back to putting me first. I guess this is my wake up call in life too...things maybe do happen for a reason.b I'm also going to join both a grief support group and survivors group for infidelity. There's a grief support group in town. I will also be getting my driver's license back (had one over 10 yrs ago, let it expire) and I will make my life better whether he choses to be in it or out of it. I'm not a b either. I would never take my children's father from them. Won't even go to court for it. If that bridge must be crossed we will cross that on a united front regardless of what is between us or not. My kids deserve their father, and he is a great father. I won't be like my mother and be vindictive and take have his CPP (pension plan) or OPP or EI or anything like that. I don't even need allimony. I know, if it came down to divorce, he would financially support his kids. He's always sacrificed himself for his kids and me no matter how hard it was. THAT he is too good at, THAT he is phenominal at. This is just a hiccup in the road of life. I will get through this because I know I can. [/QUOTE]
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