Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Walking on eggshells...
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 84223" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>She's definitely not pregnant, Susie. She thought she was about a month ago because everything was late - she was quite frank with us about her concern, she bought a test kit and tested herself. It was this scare that got her to the doctor who changed her prescription, and since she started on this new Pill three weeks ago, she hasn't stopped spotting (and I suspect hasn't had sex, because she's really squeamish and fastidious, to a fault - another aspect of her Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), I reckon).</p><p></p><p>I've mentioned on other posts - when my girls became sexually active (would apply to my KIDS, but difficult child 1 has chosen to be celibate) I told them that sexual activity comes at a price - sexual responsibility. And although it was a long haul, she finally is taking good responsibility for her sexual health (and BF2's). </p><p></p><p>I'm going to apparently waffle here, there is a lot of detail I need to share to understand the complexity of this:</p><p></p><p>This problem goes back a lot further than her being on the Pill; I think she's worse at the moment because she is really stressed over her TAFE college course. She wants to quit, all because of one subject. And that is interesting too - she's doing teacher training, for Early Childhood. The subject causing concern - time study of children. I remember having to do this literally decades ago, long before we had technology to assist. We had to observe a child/adult/animal (I was actually a science student; when I did Animal Behaviour we had to do the same thing, but with animals across the spectrum). You write down exactly what the individual does, AND what time. You have to be really specific - "he turned to the left, stooped bending from the waist and picked up t he ball in his left hand using a palmar grasp."</p><p>Now, easy child 2/difficult child 2 can be VERY specific. She also understands exactly WHY this is necessary - you get valuable information there from which you LATER make deductions.</p><p>But there are problems. Back when I did it, we found out for ourselves that you shouldn't let the act of your observation affect what you are observing. Science and physics teaches us that this is unavoidable. And when (from my experience) you have a group of ten adult students in the play area of a child care centre, all carrying notebooks and pencils, the kids who suddenly feel they are being watched will lead you a merry dance. So easy child 2/difficult child 2's class have been told they MUST NOT write anything down while near the children; they MUST NOT look directly at the child. But somehow, they are expected to be able to fully document, with this degree of detail.</p><p>Try it yourselves. Watch every small movement your child makes. "He turns his head to the left. Eyes look in direction of door. He turns his head back. [incidental note - the doorbell rang]. He tilts his head forward and picks up a pencil in his right hand using index finger and thumb. His left hand holds a piece of paper against the floor and he begins to apply the pencil to t he paper." Now remember all this, plus anything else relevant, including the sitting position, do it without looking exactly at the child, then go into another room and write it all down, WITHOUT MISSING ANYTHING FURTHER that he does.</p><p>And this is where she is coming unstuck - she hates doing an imperfect job, especially when they are told to get it right and do it in detail, but feels this task sets students up for failure.</p><p>I understand - I had to do it too, and I did finally get the technique down well enough to get valuable information for various projects I was working on. But she's at the learning stage and not coping. Because she hasn't had major problems to date, and because she is an evening student and t he counselling unit only work during the day, she hasn't come sufficiently to the attention of the TAFE counsellors for them to explain her needs to the TAFE teachers. I was with her when she enrolled; I remember one of the TAFE teachers expressing scepticism that she would cope with the course. Now easy child 2/difficult child 2 tells me that one teacher in particular seems to be making her really nervous and constantly criticising her, seemingly unfairly. I'm wondering if it's the same person. And because easy child 2/difficult child 2 has poor face recognition skills (another possible Aspie trait) she can't be sure if it IS the same person. easy child 2/difficult child 2 may be 21, but she LOOKS 14. She's constantly having to show ID. In our country you have to be 17 to have a driver's licence, you have to be 15 before you can pump petrol, but the garages keep asking her to prove she's old enough to pump the petrol for the car she just drove up in!</p><p></p><p>This is the sort of problem many of us face in the workplace, at school, anywhere. It's life. And she's not coping with it, wants to walk away. Now I've told her she can get into uni to do a teaching course which would take her straight into the level she wants (Early Childhood teaching would only take her part of the way) and she wants to drop this and shortcut. But if she can finish this calendar year, she will get a head start in a uni course, otherwise she has to start from the beginning. AND do time studies, all over again.</p><p></p><p>Does she have Asperger's? I do think so, even if it's just mild. Her coping skills are a mess, for someone labelled as a genius when she was 4. She's always done well at school until mid high school (which fits with my experience of Asperger's) and her attention to detail has ALWAYS been meticulous - when she was not quite 3, she drew a picture of a happy monster, solid-bodied, multicoloured, with pupils and iris in the eyes, detailed ears, fingers with fingernails and big smily mouth with each tooth drawn in. She then wrote her name on it. I still have the picture - this was drawn while I was being told by difficult child 1's school counsellor that he was retarded and feeling pressured by me, to achieve. I was able to point to his little sister and say, "When you've got THAT coming up behind you and another one in front of you, how would that make you feel?"</p><p></p><p>I think I will talk to her again about going back to see her psychologist. I know she can fit it into her schedule; the psychologist is right near the fruit shop where easy child 2/difficult child 2 works and on Thursdays easy child 2/difficult child 2 finishes at 3 pm, while BF2 (who needs a lift home, he has no licence) finishes at 9 pm. She usually cools her heels waiting for him, she could see the shrink in that time. And if we organise that NOW, this morning (it's just after 9.30 am) then she can get the referral when we see this wonderful new GP at 2 pm this arvo (our medical system - the GP referral with a health care plan means that Australia's government health insurance, Medicare, pays for the psychologist for a block of 8 sessions).</p><p></p><p>Thanks for the ideas so far, folks. And yes, the likelihood of this new Pill making things even worse is ALSO going to be discussed - I see the GP first for my BiPolar (BP) check, so if easy child 2/difficult child 2 doesn't want me in for her consult (unlikely - she usually grabs my hand and drags me in with her) then I get to tip off the doctor first.</p><p></p><p>Phew! So it looks like we're heading to "the mainland" to get a lot done. difficult child 1 has urgent medical insurance paperwork to finalise, so he can send in his tax return - I've said before, our wonderful health system comes at a huge price in terms of Big Brother and personal freedom - all membership numbers must be registered with social security, taxation, government health insurance, doctors plus any employer and are constantly cross-checked. difficult child 1's paperwork is still in process. Meanwhile I can hear easy child 2/difficult child 2 at it again with her brothers, neither of whom have the social skills to just SHUT UP!</p><p></p><p>Oh boy...</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 84223, member: 1991"] She's definitely not pregnant, Susie. She thought she was about a month ago because everything was late - she was quite frank with us about her concern, she bought a test kit and tested herself. It was this scare that got her to the doctor who changed her prescription, and since she started on this new Pill three weeks ago, she hasn't stopped spotting (and I suspect hasn't had sex, because she's really squeamish and fastidious, to a fault - another aspect of her Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), I reckon). I've mentioned on other posts - when my girls became sexually active (would apply to my KIDS, but difficult child 1 has chosen to be celibate) I told them that sexual activity comes at a price - sexual responsibility. And although it was a long haul, she finally is taking good responsibility for her sexual health (and BF2's). I'm going to apparently waffle here, there is a lot of detail I need to share to understand the complexity of this: This problem goes back a lot further than her being on the Pill; I think she's worse at the moment because she is really stressed over her TAFE college course. She wants to quit, all because of one subject. And that is interesting too - she's doing teacher training, for Early Childhood. The subject causing concern - time study of children. I remember having to do this literally decades ago, long before we had technology to assist. We had to observe a child/adult/animal (I was actually a science student; when I did Animal Behaviour we had to do the same thing, but with animals across the spectrum). You write down exactly what the individual does, AND what time. You have to be really specific - "he turned to the left, stooped bending from the waist and picked up t he ball in his left hand using a palmar grasp." Now, easy child 2/difficult child 2 can be VERY specific. She also understands exactly WHY this is necessary - you get valuable information there from which you LATER make deductions. But there are problems. Back when I did it, we found out for ourselves that you shouldn't let the act of your observation affect what you are observing. Science and physics teaches us that this is unavoidable. And when (from my experience) you have a group of ten adult students in the play area of a child care centre, all carrying notebooks and pencils, the kids who suddenly feel they are being watched will lead you a merry dance. So easy child 2/difficult child 2's class have been told they MUST NOT write anything down while near the children; they MUST NOT look directly at the child. But somehow, they are expected to be able to fully document, with this degree of detail. Try it yourselves. Watch every small movement your child makes. "He turns his head to the left. Eyes look in direction of door. He turns his head back. [incidental note - the doorbell rang]. He tilts his head forward and picks up a pencil in his right hand using index finger and thumb. His left hand holds a piece of paper against the floor and he begins to apply the pencil to t he paper." Now remember all this, plus anything else relevant, including the sitting position, do it without looking exactly at the child, then go into another room and write it all down, WITHOUT MISSING ANYTHING FURTHER that he does. And this is where she is coming unstuck - she hates doing an imperfect job, especially when they are told to get it right and do it in detail, but feels this task sets students up for failure. I understand - I had to do it too, and I did finally get the technique down well enough to get valuable information for various projects I was working on. But she's at the learning stage and not coping. Because she hasn't had major problems to date, and because she is an evening student and t he counselling unit only work during the day, she hasn't come sufficiently to the attention of the TAFE counsellors for them to explain her needs to the TAFE teachers. I was with her when she enrolled; I remember one of the TAFE teachers expressing scepticism that she would cope with the course. Now easy child 2/difficult child 2 tells me that one teacher in particular seems to be making her really nervous and constantly criticising her, seemingly unfairly. I'm wondering if it's the same person. And because easy child 2/difficult child 2 has poor face recognition skills (another possible Aspie trait) she can't be sure if it IS the same person. easy child 2/difficult child 2 may be 21, but she LOOKS 14. She's constantly having to show ID. In our country you have to be 17 to have a driver's licence, you have to be 15 before you can pump petrol, but the garages keep asking her to prove she's old enough to pump the petrol for the car she just drove up in! This is the sort of problem many of us face in the workplace, at school, anywhere. It's life. And she's not coping with it, wants to walk away. Now I've told her she can get into uni to do a teaching course which would take her straight into the level she wants (Early Childhood teaching would only take her part of the way) and she wants to drop this and shortcut. But if she can finish this calendar year, she will get a head start in a uni course, otherwise she has to start from the beginning. AND do time studies, all over again. Does she have Asperger's? I do think so, even if it's just mild. Her coping skills are a mess, for someone labelled as a genius when she was 4. She's always done well at school until mid high school (which fits with my experience of Asperger's) and her attention to detail has ALWAYS been meticulous - when she was not quite 3, she drew a picture of a happy monster, solid-bodied, multicoloured, with pupils and iris in the eyes, detailed ears, fingers with fingernails and big smily mouth with each tooth drawn in. She then wrote her name on it. I still have the picture - this was drawn while I was being told by difficult child 1's school counsellor that he was retarded and feeling pressured by me, to achieve. I was able to point to his little sister and say, "When you've got THAT coming up behind you and another one in front of you, how would that make you feel?" I think I will talk to her again about going back to see her psychologist. I know she can fit it into her schedule; the psychologist is right near the fruit shop where easy child 2/difficult child 2 works and on Thursdays easy child 2/difficult child 2 finishes at 3 pm, while BF2 (who needs a lift home, he has no licence) finishes at 9 pm. She usually cools her heels waiting for him, she could see the shrink in that time. And if we organise that NOW, this morning (it's just after 9.30 am) then she can get the referral when we see this wonderful new GP at 2 pm this arvo (our medical system - the GP referral with a health care plan means that Australia's government health insurance, Medicare, pays for the psychologist for a block of 8 sessions). Thanks for the ideas so far, folks. And yes, the likelihood of this new Pill making things even worse is ALSO going to be discussed - I see the GP first for my BiPolar (BP) check, so if easy child 2/difficult child 2 doesn't want me in for her consult (unlikely - she usually grabs my hand and drags me in with her) then I get to tip off the doctor first. Phew! So it looks like we're heading to "the mainland" to get a lot done. difficult child 1 has urgent medical insurance paperwork to finalise, so he can send in his tax return - I've said before, our wonderful health system comes at a huge price in terms of Big Brother and personal freedom - all membership numbers must be registered with social security, taxation, government health insurance, doctors plus any employer and are constantly cross-checked. difficult child 1's paperwork is still in process. Meanwhile I can hear easy child 2/difficult child 2 at it again with her brothers, neither of whom have the social skills to just SHUT UP! Oh boy... Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Walking on eggshells...
Top